Post # 1
To the point where some brides say they’d rather you decline the invite and stay home if you can’t be bothered to bring a gift, even if you may not be able to afford one. Proper etiquette, which is completely tossed out the window these days, says that no one is required to be held at gunpoint or made to feel inadequate if they cannot bring a gift for whatever reason, but also that they have up to a year to send one if they are going to. It says nothing about them being required for attendance.
Either they are required (which is absolutely not true no matter how much people may wish circumstances to be different to suit their personal tastes) or they are not. You can’t have both.
Post # 3
We had a few guests who just gave us cards, which was lovely–I love having them as a keepsake! I’d rather have my friends and family with me than a gift. Not sure when the whole gift-grabby mindset became popular.
Post # 4
I know we are hoping for no gifts. We have a tiny house with no storage anyway. We are older and really settled so I just hope every comes and has a smashingly good time. The only thing we are really wanting is great photos.
Post # 5
It is sad to read brides saying that they are pissed about not getting a gift from someone, yet five months prior they were saying that they wouldn’t mind.
Weddings have become as commercialized as Christmas. Brides sign up for honeymoon funds or don’t do anything at all and spread the word that they want cash.
I think there are only a few brides (percentage wise) who would seriously not mind no gifts. To be honest with you, I would be happy with cards with nice messages in them.
Post # 6
Nobody is REQUIRED to bring a gift at a wedding, just know that it’s rude if you attend a friends wedding and dont bring one. Its a milestone and a wonderful thing to celebrate. If ones parents reached their 50th anniversary wouldn’t they want to give them a gift?
You wont be turned away at a wedding with no gift, its just very rude, thats all.
Post # 7
@Mrs Grape: I love cards too…a card is a gift.. its the thought that counts. Esp if its hand made, thats the best 🙂
Post # 8
If it was rude, then proper etiquette (and said books) would back it up, and it doesn’t. By that logic (that it supposedly rude), if a guest cannot afford a gift at the time the wedding takes place, they have up to a year to send a gift and won’t be turned away, but yet it is considered “rude” to not show up with one? How does that even begin to work? It’s impossible.
Most people don’t consider cards to be gifts (and technically they aren’t) and are very happy with receiving those. But in the real world, very few are that materialistic (to even say out loud to anyone that they don;t want anyone showing up who doesn’t bring a gift) and actually have no issues with just receiving cards or someone showing up emptyhanded whose travel may be a gift in itself.
Post # 9
I think that their coming to our wedding alone is a gift. I can honestly say I do not mind if we get gifts or not. I just hope people can come (a lot of my family live in California, I live in Idaho)
Post # 10
@Ember78: Well then for those people who dont consider a card as a gift, they have a realproblem. Its very touching when someone writes a personal note in a card meant to express joy over your wedding. Nobody is demanding you show up with a toaster or $150 cash gift.
A friend gave me a hand made card at my engagement party and it was the most beautiful card I have ever seen. I almost wanted to frame it 🙂
Post # 11
@NorthernLights: My Maid/Matron of Honor gave us a handmade card, and it was seriously one of the best gifts. 🙂
Post # 12
@Mrs Grape: awww, i know that feeling! makes you feel loved! hehe. that was sweet of her.
Post # 13
@Ember78: I’ve seen you mention this several times, about the ‘one year rule’ being the proper etiquette for gift giving. Do you have any sources for that? I’ve read on innumerable etiquette sites that that is a current rumor, and that gifts should be sent before the wedding, given at the wedding, or within 3 months of the event at the latest. I guess it depends on who and what you believe, but it certainly isn’t the only way to do things.
I’ve also read where receiving a wedding invitation, and even if it’s never mentioned, implies there is the giving of a gift. I’ve never actually heard of someone NOT giving a wedding gift, and I’ll venture to say I’ve been to many more than most of you, as I am much older.
I also don’t think gifts are REQUIRED for any normal gift giving occasion, but I’ve found that most people are pretty generous when they can be.
Post # 14
When I am a guest at somebody’s home, I bring a gift out of common courtesy. The gift can be something edible, a bottle of wine, flowers, or a piece of decor I picked up at C and B.
Although gifts are not required at weddings, they should be brought in order to congratulate the couple on this great milestone in their lives. If somebody can only afford something small, so be it. This is a guest’s opportunity to help the couple begin their new lives together, and this can be via cash or something off a registry.
As for the cards only, that’s appropriate for a member of the wedding party who has already shelled out a small fortune for clothing, etc.
If I did not bring a gift to a wedding, I would be embarrassed. Very embarrassed.
Post # 15
I think the whole either “stay home and don’t bother” OR “come and give a gift” mentality is weird. And I can’t stand the whole “give a gift that approximates the price of the meal”–that just strikes me as well, declasse.
Post # 16
I don’t think gifts are required especially when people can’t afford them or shelled out a lot of money for travel but often times people have told me about guests who can afford them, didn’t travel far at all and show up empty handed with not even a card to a very close friend or family’s wedding. That sounds kind of rude to me especially if they already got married and received a gift from the bride and groom when it was their wedding.