(Closed) When did NOT including registry information become a crazy NO!?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It is very rude and presumptuous to put registery info in a invite. It makes the bride and groom look gift grubby. A gift should never be expected for a wedding.  A lot of people will find putting that info in a invite very tacky. 

 

Post # 18
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I guess it all depends on where you are from. Here everyone puts the registry information on a separate card (heck you even get stacks of them to give out when you register at stores) to include with the inivtations and noone thinks its faux pas. Wedding websites aren’t common here and no one is going to bother calling around to see where your registered.

Every wedding/shower I’ve been to always has the registry card included. That said I’m still unsure about what I’m going to actually do.

Post # 19
Member
9028 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree that it depends on what is acceptable in your circles. In my area people dont include registry info with the invite. However people are notorious for not buying gifts from the registry so decided not to register at all

Post # 20
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I really think that this type of thing varies from location to location and it also depends on what kind of family you grew up in.  The type of family that I grew up in, gifts were given for every occasion.  So it would be abnormal to not get gifts for a wedding. 

I would never put the information smack-on the wedding invitation, but as other bees have said including it in the pocket-fold, so that I don’t have 125 family/friends calling around trying to hunt for information- which as a guest is inconvenient.  I WOULD put it in the shower invite, but I am not throwing my own shower.

This really is a to-each-his-own issue…

Post # 21
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can tell you that I’m 40 and I do not remember a time whenwhen it  was acceptable to do — it’s seen as a money grab.

Before wedding websites, you put it in the shower invite, or it was word of mouth.

 

Post # 22
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If I were registering, I would add an insert to the wedding invite. This is what most of my guests would expect since I am not having a shower, and most of my relatives don’t have internet access (not that I have a wedding website anyway). I think only you know how your guests will view you if you include registry information. If they are cool with it, add it, if not, don’t. 

Post # 23
Member
2739 posts
Sugar bee

@JamaicaBride: I’m saying. Some things are not that blanket. It’s also cultural. I’ve never been to a wedding for people from my culture that didn’t have registry info as an insert. It’s expected. I’d never heard of not having registry info in the invites. Actually, pre-bee, I didn’t know anything about gifts being listed on shower invites. I’ve never received a shower invite that wasn’t an evite in my life… just goes to show.

Post # 24
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@blu77: Hear, hear!

By The Way, I’ll see blu’s forty and raise her twenty-odd; and I cannot remember a time, either, when sending out your registry information to your guests wasn’t considered unpleasantly forward and grasping.

What I do remember, is a time when they weren’t even thought of as “gift registries”. You registered your “patterns” (meaning your china pattern, crystal pattern, and silver pattern) with a store — not Target or a warehouse store like Bed, Bath and Beyond, but a reqputable high-end vendor like Birks or Eaton’s or Johnson-Walker (I suppose the American equivalents might be Tiffany’s or Macy’s). The idea was that the store would keep track of your pattern and pieces so that if guests broke a piece, or you wanted to extend your collection, the store could match your pattern correctly.You could also identify what you were planning to add next so that the store could contact you in the event of a sale or in the sad event of your pattern’s being discontinued.

When you got married (usually many years after picking and registering your pattern in your early teens and collecting many pieces) guests who knew you well would already know your patterns from having enjoyed your hospitality in the past. Guests who were less well-connected could, with a bit of ingenuity, “fake” a closer relationship and still send the right patterns, by sniffing out where you were registered. Even those who knew your patterns already might check out your registry for the fun of spying — in a socially-tolerated manner — on your taste.

And that, actually, is the “point of getting registered”. It’s become a lot harder of late to pretend that it’s about young brides prudently planning for future hospitality, what with folks registering for blenders and flat-screen TV’s and what-not, but I like to pretend they are just registering for their own convenience and not as some sort of nuptial version of a letter to Santa. Keeping the registry off the invitation helps me to pretend I’m being invited for my whit and charm regardless of my relatively deep pockets.

Post # 26
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I won’t go into detail of why it’s an etiquette no-no, because etiquette is weird sometimes IMO. But I think the older people will do like they always do and just hear it by word of mouth where you are registered. Many older people will go directly to your parents and just ask. I wouldn’t be worried about them.

I personally would like to know where the person is registered, and I don’t mind if it’s in the wedding invitation. But people are just being careful about looking greedy I guess? My guy friend is getting married on Saturday.. I wasn’t friends on Facebook with his Fiance and wasn’t invited to her showers etc (totally expected because we’re not friends). So I realized I had NO way of knowing their registry info unless I just asked him. I texted him and he really didn’t remember but was “pretty sure” it was at XYZ store. Baha! Then berated me for not knowing.. I told him he should’ve put their website on his Facebook! Then he laughed in my face (over text?) and said guys don’t do that.

Moral of the story, I had to dig A LOT to find their dang registry, but I got it. So you can either 1) include it on the invitations so it won’t be as hard for people in my situation, and the older people, or 2) not put it on the invitation and trust that they will figure it out. Either way, it’s your decision 🙂

Post # 27
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

@aspasia, I love your post! I’m not a young woman and would also like to believe my family and friends want me at their weddings for my wit and charm. I’d just as soon not receive a stack of registry cards.

I’ve not been to a wedding where there was a wedding web site. I love the idea, tho, but I’m an internet junkie. So I’d be more open to seeing a web site listed somewhere in the invitation packet.

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