(Closed) When did the kids/no kids talk come up?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

Before day one: we met on a dating site and I specifically put in my profile I was childfree and expected the same from a future partner. It’s a deal breaker. Luckily my SO contacted me, and the rest is history. 😀

Post # 3
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Before day one, confirmed first week. And you are right, you don’t want to even attempt to convince someone to have children. If it isn’t something you see for yourself, or are willing to, then you move on. It is wonderful he told you early.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Back when we were just friends we talked about future kids, not with each other at the time. Then when we started dating and again with a pregnancy scare. It is important to have the talk early and if anything major comes up

Post # 5
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016 - 1950s themed bar

We had an extremely fast, whirlwind “courtship” because my now Fiance and I started hanging out a week before he was leaving the country. We just clicked so well and basically decided that if we were going to go ahead with a long distance relationship, that we were going to go all the way to marriage (because that was what I wanted. I wasn’t looking for casual anymore). I think we probably discussed kids that week, particularly after finding out he was one of four kids. I think I asked if he liked bigger families and he said he did, and I guess it went from there. When you are ready for something serious and you click with someone else, I don’t think there’s any right or wrong time to discuss those sorts of things. If you could see yourself being with this guy for a while then it’s good you guys talked about kids now, it definitely saves you the heartache later on!

Post # 6
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

So you got back together with this guy??! smh.

Post # 7
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

I’m not exactly sure, but from very early on it was obvious it was something we both wanted, and over the years it’s always been ‘when we have our baby’ I could never be with someone who didnt want children, as much as it sucks, its best you had the conversation early on. 

Post # 10
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
SunnierDaysAhead:  Well in light of your edit, I repeat my same comment from last week:

I’m pretty sure I say this on every one of your threads — you need to take some time off dudes, rediscover yourself, and heal. Then you will be ready for entering into a healthy, long-lasting, mature, adult relationship. You’ve jumped so quickly from relationship to relationship and each one seems to have moved far too quickly when either you/your SO weren’t really ready for it. It’s ok to be single for awhile and it’s ok to figure out what you need from a relationship before diving into the next.

Post # 13
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
SunnierDaysAhead:  I am aware of that which is exactly why I copied my previous post — you proved exactly my point. You broke it off with your cheating Fiance less than a year ago. Since then you’ve come on here asking questions about engagement/rings/marriage with several different guys. I’m not saying you shouldn’t date or that you should stay locked up with a chastity belt, but when you’ve had your heart broken by the man you were planning on spending the rest of your life with, I’m not understanding why you want so quickly to have another ring on your finger. If you do this because you’re seeking a sense of comfort or trying to fill a hole that only male attention/affection can fill, then I really hope you find what you’re looking for. But based on all that you’ve posted here, I think you need to focus on yourself first.

Post # 14
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That’s a bummer :/ I can’t remember when it came up for me and my husband but I think it was generally just assumed in the beginning we both wanted kids since we come from big Catholic families. I would have been shocked if he didn’t want any. Good thing you found out sooner rather than later…very disappointing though!

Post # 15
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

Came up as soon as I realised I was in a relationship with my my now DH. I told him how much I hated children, had no maternal instinct, had no connection with nieces/nephews, and how I never wanted to have kids. He was relieved, he felt the same way. =) I told him all this so soon, when he was still pretty much a stranger, because I didn’t want to waste his time.

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