(Closed) When did the kids/no kids talk come up?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

We had the conversation very early. He had decided by the third date or so that he wanted to marry me. He asked how long he would have to date me before we got married. It was soon after that.

Post # 18
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee

We talked about it very early on, like a few weeks into talking (not even dating yet). I have always been on the fence and he wants kids. We are still getting married. I’m sure I’ll get flack for posting that, but it is what it is. He has told me he loves me enough to give up kids. I might not even be able to have kids. So whatever happens, happens is our attitude. 

Post # 19
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We met when were 20, and not really even serious about monogamy/marriage, so kids weren’t part of the conversation early on.   Our relationship got more serious after about 3 years in, and we started talking about marriage and a family then.  I think couples should talk about whether or not they want to have kids, early on, but it just didn’t come up that early in my relationship, because of where we were in life at the time. 

Post # 20
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

This has come up in all of my adult relationships within the first few dates… Sometimes I was the one to bring it up, sometimes it was my partners. I have a friend who is living with her bf and they haven’t talked about kids in a real, serious way, and that blows my mind… I couldn’t date someone seriously if I didn’t know they were ok with my feelings regarding children. It was definitely an important subject for me to cover before I’d consider getting serious with someone. 

Post # 21
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

My husband and I met online. I had indicated in my profile I was unsure about kids. We started dating within a week or so of meeting online and we talked about it in the first  dates (I am sure we did not talk about it only once, but it was early on). I let him know at that point I did not want kids, and had not wanted them, but was not saying no forever and ever quite yet. He at that point was curious about having kids, and had imagined he would have one or two one day, but it was not a must. It was only after we were married I really realized I was definitely childfree. He is fine with that. He would rather be with me than leave for hypothetical children, and over time he has also moved more to being childfree himself. He is driving me to my sterilization surgery on Thursday ๐Ÿ™‚

It is good you knew early. Someone can like their nephews and nieces, and be family oriented, and still not want kids of their own. Family comes in many forms, kids not required, and liking being an uncle or liking spending time with nephews and nieces is very different than wanting your own kids or take on a lifetime of parenting. 

Post # 22
Member
3534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

First date. 

Post # 23
Member
1908 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We talked about it very early on. Also, don’t expect that loving kids equals wanting them. My husband and I are perfect examples. We both love kids, have nieces and nephews that we adore, but we have no desire for the full time responsibility of raising a child. People always tell us how we’ll be great parents, but parenting is not our desire. Because it’s such a life changing thing, I think it should be discussed early on. Kids or no kids is a non-negotiable, so you don’t want to waste your time.

Post # 24
Member
7890 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I knew about DH’s long term plan for kids early on. He can’t wait! I can’t remember when I explicitly said I wanted kids too. I think he just assumed I was ok with it, which is true but not too many!

Post # 25
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: MGM Grand Skyline Terrace

The first date because I asked! I really just asked to confirm. We “met” online and his profile indicated that he wouldn’t want kids. He confirmed it. I knew being a parent wasn’t for me either. A month later he scheduled an appointment to get snipped and a month after that, it was official. We’re looking forward to being aunt and uncle in the future, or as we say, “celebrity parents”! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 26
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

We talked about it early on, i made sure to bring it up before I got in too deep, he said he imagined himself having a family in the future but that he didn’t feel ready yet and that was exactly how I felt. 

Post # 27
Member
2662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
SunnierDaysAhead:  We got together when I was 20 but I certainly remember having that conversation early on (within a few months max – we didn’t get chance to see each other much at first). I didn’t want children and my mind may not change. I didn’t want a guy falling for me thinking he’d get a family as a given.

Post # 28
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
SunnierDaysAhead:  I can’t remember exactly but I know it was pretty early (within a couple weeks) that we discussed that we both wanted kids, but we had to reach a compromise, too, in our “ideals”. He kind of only wantEd only one, and I want the option for more plus potentially including an adoption (talk about adding further complications to the kids discussion!) , so who knows how things will go in reality ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m really glad you did have this conversation early. If it’s a deal breaker, it’s okay to be sad but don’t hang around hoping he’ll change his mind. Not fair to either of you!

Post # 29
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I never wanted children, so I always bring it up really early. With my Fiance we discussed it before we started dating.

People who don’t want kids are not child hating monsters. We do love our nephews and nieces and some of us have godchildren as well. That he talks about them a lot doesn’t mean that he will change his mind and want children later on. If he says he doesn’t want them, you should listen.

Post # 30
Member
834 posts
Busy bee

our “first date” basically, like right when we established we liked each other and wanted to be in a committed exclusive relationship. We both knew we wanted kids, we talked about how many, how far apart, we discussed how we wanted them raised and made punnet squares to see what eye color they may get. My SO and I talked about EVERYTHING pretty early… like what would happen if there was an unexpected pregnancy before marriage or what would happen if one of us was in a serious accident and if we should pull the plug. Also, what would would we do if we couldn’t conceive children. 

I wanted to set things straight and he seemed to like that and liked being on the same page about things ๐Ÿ™‚

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