(Closed) When did the kids/no kids talk come up?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It came up on the 4th date…he asked if I wanted kids…yes, he did too. When we started dating exclusively a few weeks later it was brought up again several times and progressed to, how many do you think, how soon do you want kids?

 

Me: Yes I want kids, whatever G-d blesses me with but a max of 3 or 4 and I want to start right away because I’m 33 years old.

He agrees on all! 

We were a quick courtiship…dated & engaged in less than 9 months, we will be married at 18 months of dating…when you know, you know

Post # 47
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Ours came up about 2 months after we began dating. I think we both knew from the start of our relationship, we were going to be together for a while. It wasn’t a clear cut thing (how many, when, names, etc), but just the idea of kids.

We fully started to go into detail about 6 months after being engaged (18 months from our first date). Since then we continue to talk about it, especially since we cannot agree on a time to start after our wedding.

Post # 48
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

SunnierDaysAhead:  Boyfriend or Best Friend and I talked about hopes/dreams for the future with our ultimate partner, not necessarily each other around the 2nd or 3rd date. This is something that is also a deal breaker for me like many bees. If we weren’t on the same page ie: wanting to get married, have children etc, I would not have seen him again.

Post # 49
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

We discussed it on our first phone call before we met (we met online). My Fiance is divorced so I asked him straight-up if he wanted to get married again one day and if he wanted kids one day. Those were my must-haves so I just made sure we were on the same page with overall life plan.

Post # 50
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I know I waited way too long to have this conversation with my current SO. It was about a year after we had started dating. He told me that he didn’t want to have kids, it was a dealbreaker for me too and we broke up that night. It was a night full of tears on both parts and we didn’t speak for a few days. We then started talking again and were back together within a week and stronger than before.

Two years later we are talking kids and marraige! I feel that a person can definitely change their mind especially if you have a great connection.

Post # 51
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

SunnierDaysAhead:  We talked about it right away because he does not want children and that would have been a deal breaker for us entering a relationship. I can’t have biological children but was undecided about adoption. We were friends for years and it was serious right away, so before we became a couple we had to talk about the big stuff. That way if we had some major incompatibility we could break it off before we both got our feelings hurt and stay friends. 

If I became single again I’d probably put that I’m sterile right on my profile, or let a man know on the first date and avoid wasting either of our time. 

Post # 52
Member
3492 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

We were friends for a while before we started dating and had conversations about all kinds of things, so eventually kids came up but it was a very general chat. We discussed them in more detail once we started dating and pretty early on (about 2-3 weeks in). He very much wants to have kids and I’m okay with or without having children. I think it’s very important to get such a huge deal breaker on the table right away before people get too invested.

Post # 53
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We talked about kids on the first date, just as we talked about marriage on the first date. I didn’t date around just to date and had no time to waste. So I asked right away, so I could make a informed decision.

Post # 54
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Our first date. We were together for hours and just asking each other very random questions about our lives and what we thought about differernt things. It kind of funny now, but it was kind of like rapid fire questions, LOL. We knew from the first hour of dating that we were on the same page with that issue. 

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