(Closed) When did this become acceptable?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

OP – This lady sounds like she just wants another wedding, which is fine I guess but I don’t see why anyone else should agree to ‘play’ along. I hope all her bridesmaids tell her to stuff it. She needs a reality check. 

 

It’s weird. I was asked today if I would be registering for my wedding/if I had thought about what I would like.

To me anything other than gratefully accepting whatever someone wants to give you (without you implying you expect something, because people are doing you a favour by attending the event, you invited them) feels awkward. But I understand that this is not how the world works these days. People are very practical, and often marry older, when they need fewer things (and have less space for random crap).

I have, after a few years, finally expressed an alcohol preference ‘when someone thinks of me in duty free’, to a relative, but I still get Red Label anyway. Maybe I will use it to disinfect something in a time of need? It’s still a kind thought.

You invite someone to something…they come = yay.

People don’t owe you anything really. Not even for a wedding (yes, a gift is good etiquette, but it isn’t a RULE). For a vow renewal…even less so.

I move in some diverse circles – having a fund for something (eg honeymoon?) as an alternative to regular gift giving/registry is generally acceptable depending on how it is approached (I would assume not so in the upper classes, but then money is vulgar, I am guessing that even touching it burns their skin ). Stating a preference for a type of gift is definitely not polite. It assumes. I will probably be giving all the options (possibly including a charity donation), without stating a preference for any and clearly stating that we feel the gift of their presence is all we could hope for (if that is possible for them).

Post # 63
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
lcutter711:  Yassss!!! I say the same thing. Fiance and I discussed doing a vow renewal between our 5th-10th anniversary. It would be like an elopement. Somewhere wonderful like Italy or Spain with just the two of us. No stress or pressure and it would be a part of a lovely and romantic vacay. We could spend money on whatever we wanted, it could be lavish, but most importantly private. 

I would not plan another wedding if it was for free. No, no, no. It is too much work, money (for things that I don’t really care about under normal circumstances) forethought, and effort. People always feel the need to give their unrequested input, make demands, do not listen to simple requests, etc. I don’t even want to plan the renewal. It will be free of drama. This lady is clearly a batty narcissist. 

Post # 64
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
PositiveThinking:  I agree that expecting bridesmaids to spend hundreds on dresses that are impractical is rude.

I know someone who will set up go fund me accounts when she can’t make rent or wants to go to some expensive acting school, but instagrams pictures of all the CRAP she buys. It’s so lazy. But some people arent embarrassed by that.

Post # 65
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

this is the most ridiculous thing! its like the people who celebrate their half birthday and expect gifts. this lady expecting gifts at a vow renewal is nuts. she aleady made a vow the day she married him and that doesnt mean she gets a prize by renewing the vows. she can throw a party all she wants but she shouldnt expect to be rewarded and she is having bridesmaids again? good lord. she needs to sit down. 

Post # 66
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I dont think its necessarily “begging” but now looking at the history of her as a bride and her current situations, I don’t blame you for feeling a little frustrated.  I would be a little pissed off and having to attend a THIRD wedding of who clearly is a gold digger, yeah … I wouldn’t go.

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