(Closed) When did you and your SO have your first argument?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Three “fights.” All travel-related, and years into relationship.

1) he wouldn’t let me help with any car packing while we were on a camping road trip, and he took FOREVER to get ready and packed up in the mornings. Like, I’d be ready to go at 9:30 but we couldn’t leave until basically 12:30 because he’d be puttering all morning. Every day. For two weeks. I got really frustrated one morning and walked off to calm down, then we talked it over.

2) we were backpacking, I forgot to pack my hydration bladder until the end and shoved it down my pack until it was in the ‘right’ place… And it leaked all over my sleeping bag and sleeping mat, when we were about 14km from where we were going to camp for the night. He was super duper angry at me and kind of sniped about how he’d told me so, and I’d ruined the day, and how it affected HIM… I was really worried that we were going to be sub-zero and I was going to have soaking gear I couldn’t use, so I was going to have to hike out (another 12k further from camp) in the dark because I was convinced he was going to stay in camp without me. It was not my finest hour! He ended up saying something really sweet, we motored it to our campsite and I was able to get my stuff mostly dry before sundown. I was cold and didn’t sleep well, but I survived. 🙂 

3) (first ACTUAL disagreement rather than one of us being grumpy at the other) – this past holiday season was our first as a couple living together/united front; before then he had always gone to his family and me to mine and we usually met up on Boxing Day. It was important to me that we spend the holidays together.  He is super introverted, hates the holidays because they are a lot of fuss, and informed me that he would stay at our apartment while I visited my family. That hurt more than anything in our relationship ever. We fought for probably two days over it (I didn’t care where we were so long as we got to see both families and were together, he didnt want to be around my family; I said he is an adult and can choose what he does but if he sends me away at Christmas and spends the holiday at home alone he has to be the one explaining it to my mother) and  finally he agreed that we should have Christmas at my parents’ house, then go to his family; next year we’ll switch. The holiday was fine in the end, my brother and his wife were kinda cringe worthy, and next year we already have a plan in place. The fight in the end was worth it because it showed me what we needed to do to make sure we were on the same page about being a unit.

Post # 63
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@nolana:  It was several months in – I want to say 5 or 6? It was a deal breaker for our relationship, and it was just about some “behavior” he was doing that I did not approve of and was affecting our relationship. I knew if it continued, it just wasn’t going to work. He stopped and it has never been an issue! It was more so a fight because at that point he didn’t know how serious I was about not approving of it and I don’t think he actually thought we would break up because of it, but I was dead serious! Men.. Yell

 

ETA: I remember this one and one other very vividly because it has really been our only bumps in the road. We are so compatible it’s disgusting – We don’t fight often at all. He bugs me and I get annoyed from time to time just like he does, but they aren’t “fights.” 

 

Post # 64
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

It has been a year and we still have not fought about anything. People have told me that it’s just the “honeymoon phase” and that we’ll eventually despise each other. I think they’re just projecting their own relationship issues onto my personal life. SO and I are both very rational and have jobs that require the development and practice of positive communication strategies. It probably also helps that we don’t live with each other. I don’t believe in “phases” of relationships.

Post # 65
Member
225 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think I can even remember. It’s hard because we had a rocky start, not filled with fights but misunderstandings.

It must’ve been like 5 or 6 months in. I remember I was walking on campus and texting him after being frustrated with some secretary that wouldn’t let me fill out something important. SO tries to find the positive side of things a lot of times, but often he can come off as condescending like “just do _____ and it will be fine!” or give completely hypocritical advice. It drives me crazy sometimes.

I’m assuming he was telling me to do something else that I had already tried and I just sent him this completely bitchy text because I was mad and it led to probably our 2nd biggest fight. 

I think after that one, we’ve only had one more that was pretty recent and intense, I definitely posted on here about it haha. Family drama~ 

Post # 66
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

hmmm, I’m a hard person with whom to argue because it’s really difficult for me to raise my voice in anger. We got into a disagreement within the first few months and he started yelling, thinking that any normal person would just yell back and when I just sat there continuing to talk in a moderate tone I think he got a little scared and quieted down. He probably thought I was a sociopath.

Nothing wrong with a little fear haha. jk. Now our arguments are more like long drawn out discussions. He jokes that I’m like the parent you just want to spank or ground you to avoid getting talked to death.

Post # 67
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

@nolana:  

Two months in he wanted t go out for sushi and I CAN’T STAND FISH in any form other than on the end of a fishing line.  He kept saying “try it, you’ll love it” and I just blew my stack finally and we had our first cross words.

When he wants sushi he goes out with work friends.

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