Post # 1
Asking because I think it’s an interesting subject.
People say you should never sleep together until you build a strong emotional connection, preferably at around 3-6 months. Of course this time period varies based on the article or scientific study you read. Couples form emotional connections at different paces, and some people forgo the connection altogether to see if there’s physical compatibility first.
I’d think it also depends how long the two people knew each other before they became a couple. Maybe it’s more likely to happen earlier if the two were friends for a time before?
They–whoever they are–also say that once a couple becomes intimate, emotional bonding tends to stagnate or halt altogether. Basically, it’s believed that delaying sex helps a couple see each other for who they really are without the bond of hormones.
Personally, I’m not sure what my exact take on this subject is. I’ve had a 1 yr+ relationship with no sex, and in my current relationship, it happened almost 4 months after meeting (didn’t know each other in any capacity before), 1.5 months of being official/exclusive. We still make an effort to learn about each other, ask uncomfortable questions and try to deepen the emotional bond.
When did you first sleep with your SO? Do you think it changed the emotional pacing of your relationship?
Post # 2
2 months, seeing each other multiple times a week. I think it’s better to wait for an emotional connection. I think our emotional connection continued afterwards too though.
Post # 3
We met in our 30’s and had a sex life prior. We didnt do anything sexual until our 3rd/4th date and no actual sex until our 5th date.
We had a pretty instant connection. I was never a fan of casual sex.
I think the things “people say” may apply when youre young somewhat… but its mostly guilt based BS designed to shame women for having sex and/or excuse bad behavior from men.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2020 - Concord, Ontario
Both of us have decided to wait until mariage we met when we were 18 we are both virgins annd our virginity has always been important to us and so are our faiths, so we decided to wait
Post # 5
We were originally waiting until marriage but didn’t want to rush marriage just to have sex. We started dating at 18. At 21 we both agreed that we were not ready to get married (finances, still finishing school, we were doing long distance at the time) but didn’t feel we needed to wait any longer to have sex as we were fully committed to each other. I don’t regret how long we waited or not waiting until marriage. It was what was right for us. No idea if it changed our emotional pacing or not.
Post # 6
About a year before that I’d gotten out of a previous engagement. I finally felt ready to put myself into something long term again. I met him that day. We talked every day on the phone for hours. We went out on a couple good dates. I had a good feeling about him. It happened about two weeks in
we’ve been together over three years now, and I’m fairly certain a proposal is coming soon. I think it all depends on circumstance and where you two are coming from. We knew from the beginning we wanted something long term, and we had an instant connection. We’ve grown so much together, and I had never imagined a relationship would be so selfless and uplifting. We fell for each other quickly, but our feelings were genuine. I don’t believe it brought us to an emotional halt at all because we were reaching goals past that. We were striving to make each other better people and achieve longevity.
Post # 7
We waited about 5 months into seeing each other to finally sleep together, but I was also only 16 at the time and a virgin lol
We broke up for a couple years when I went to university so I have had other sexual partners, which I’m glad I was able to experience
Post # 8
We did the night we became official. Which was probably our official 2nd date, but we didn’t have a typical timeline (friends first, went on one date, left town for awhile, spent the weekend together (pre-planned) and had our technical 2nd date, then a year long LDR).
I think the “people say you should wait X amount of time to sleep together” notion is absolute crap. Totally agree with poster above that it is fueled by intentions to slut shame women, including the idea that you need to be on your “best behaviour” for an extended period of time in order for a man to develop respect for you. I wouldn’t want to waste months of my time dating someone who I didn’t have good sexual compatibility with. But that is absolutely NOT saying that sleeping with someone right away is what everyone should do. My point is that there is no universal rule.
Post # 9
First night we met. I was just expecting a one night stand. 🤷♀️
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
We had sex on our first date. We’d be friends (online) for a couple years so I didn’t feel like I was hooking up with a stranger when we met in person, and we actually started dating prior to meeting face to face so we were in a relationship for a while before hooking up by circumstance.
Post # 11
I have been intimate almost immediately with all of my long-term partners, and it’s not been a problem for those relationships. Nevertheless, I think it’s probably better to wait a LITTLE bit — a few weeks or dates, at least. Not for the emotional connection stuff, but purely because the other person may think you’re a ho-bag or not serious or whatever. I know that a number of guys thought I was just looking for a friends-with-benefits thing with them because I slept with them “too soon.” BUT the guys who didn’t mind and with whom I ended up having long-term relationships, including my husband, already liked me enough to want to keep seeing me, regardless of any alleged whoreishness on my part.
In other words, I could’ve held out for months like a proper “lady” and they STILL wouldn’t have wanted to be with me long-term. And with the others, I could’ve jumped on them immediately and they STILL would’ve wanted to be with me because they just liked ME. The too-soon sex doesn’t really make or break the relationship.
Post # 12
Allow me to mess up your statistical theories:
My husband and I slept together casually 5 years before we ever started dating. And we stayed friends. Then we slept together casually a few years before we got married and decided it meant something more.
I don’t think it’s impeded our emotional bonding. Also we met 4 years before we slept together when he was dating my college roommate. And we’re also still good friends with people he’s dated. I even encouraged several of my friends to date him before we started dating.
Put me on one end of the bell curve I guess, I’m a what did one person charmingly call it “a ho-bag?”
Post # 13
Haha I guess depends on your definition of “sleep together” – we slept together on the first date, but we didn’t have sex. I didn’t want to, but I did want to cuddle and be physically close, because that’s my love language and his too. We did this for a long time, actually – since physical touch is our love language, we felt fulfilled enough with just holding each other for a long period of time.
We had actual sex a little more than a year after our first date, when we got engaged.
Post # 14
with my first love we waited over a year (we were quite young so it made a lot of sense) even at that time it was probably too soon. The relationship wasn’t right before the sex but it took us several weeks to realize it.
My second love and I waited about three months, we slept together a week or so after he told me he loved me. This was in college years.
There was also a man I once dated casually for about a month before sleeping with him and realizing we were completely incompatible. I slept with him because we seemed a good fit but I could tell we were way off each other’s wave lengths once we were intimate together.
My current SO and I had sex after about two weeks. In my humble opinion it really took the pressure off but we were very transparent and honest with each other through our whole relationship. I don’t think having sex “early” damaged our relationship or stopped our emotional bonding at all. We bought a house earlier this year, recently celebrated our 3 year anniversary, and he bought the ring about a month ago. We’re just waiting for it to be made and shipped.
At the end of the day you really just have to do what is right for you and your relationship.
Post # 15
I made my husband wait all the way until our 2nd date. If I had to wait months for sex I’d lose interest, plus I’m not really interested in a man who is willing to defer sex. If I wasn’t attracted to someone right away, getting to know them wouldn’t make a difference, I still wouldn’t want to get close with them. I believe in instant decision when it comes to certain things and sex is one of them.