When did you first get intimate w/ your SO?

posted 8 months ago in Intimacy
  • poll: When did your first sleep with your SO?

    First date!

    < 1 month

    1-3 months

    3-6 months

    6 months - 1 year

    1 year+

    Never--waiting for marriage (religious)

    Never--waiting for marriage (non-religious)

  • Post # 16
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee

    My now-husband and I had sex probably about 2 weeks after we met.  We had a crazy connection from the get-go and our bonding definitely didn’t go away after.  We’re (just) now married as of June this year and have been together for over 10 years. 

    I don’t think how soon a couple has sex really dictates how they might bond together after…

    Post # 17
    Hostess
    4339 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Yeah, I’ve never delayed sex beyond maybe the 3rd date and it certainly hasn’t affected our emotional connection. Physical connection is very important to me. D H and I had sex on our 3rd date. We’ve been together for 5 years, married for 3, so I’d say we are doing ok. But I also don’t put much stock in what “they” say… 

    Post # 18
    Member
    707 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    We were somewhere in the 4-5 month range from when we met however, we had a slow start and were not exclusive. We met in August (I was 17) and then didn’t see each other for another month. He waited until I was 18 to ask me out haha and then we dated casually for a couple months (my first term of university + varsity sports, him taking a 6 course term). He was 21 and not a virgin so he was very respectful of me feeling ready (I was), and around December I decided I had no reason to wait anymore. It’s been 12.5 years since we met and 5.5 since we got married now so it’s worked out so far. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    9464 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I think about a month and a half in? Our entire campus had a blackout one night during dead week and I took it as a sign that I should make it a memorable night all around 😂

    We’re coming up on 13 years together so it worked out great.

    Post # 21
    Member
    125 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2020 - SF, CA

    About 12 hrs after the first date but only because we didn’t have condoms (foolish!). It was still a great first date, but we probably won’t tell that story at the wedding!

    Post # 22
    Member
    1000 posts
    Bumble bee

    The night after our second date. We kissed for the first time on our second date – and kissed some more – and now-DH was/is a really good kisser. So I invited him over the next night to kiss some more…and we ended up doing more than just kissing. 

    I’ve never been someone who feels emotionally connected just by having sex. And I had zero desire to get hung up on someone who did nothing for me in bed. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Second date. I mostly feel that ‘dating rules’ like that one are for 15 year olds who don’t know any better and guys who read those books about being awful to women in order to date them. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    I’d characterize myself as more sarcastic than aggressive.

    Someone said “so men don’t think you’re a ho-bag”. I think the original post was like “THEY and the STUDIES say the best way to bond emotionally is to NOT have sex, and then SCIENCE says you stop bonding and getting to know your partner” there was a lot of assumption there. Maybe you don’t believe it, but it has a real….pre-framing of the question, that doesn’t read particularly like its just a topic. But either way, I think what I’m saying is I think that “them” or these  “studies” are wrong and I think my emotional bond with my partner is just as strong as anyone elses, because I don’t think emotional bonds are the same for people nor is what sex means to each person a thing you can optimize for maximum relationship best practice. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    3010 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

    I think we waited about 2 months to have sex but I’m not sure. 

    We both had dated previously and I was 22 he was 26 so we both I think had a good idea of the pace we wanted to set for the relationship. 

    I do think that sometimes sleeping together too soon can hinder growing as a couple and making things too physical. However, there are plenty of couples who sleep together on the first date and then get married. I think if you truly have a connection with someone, waiting to have sex or having sex earlier on isn’t going to change anything. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    2344 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Husband and I were friends first. Friends for 5 years who accidentally fell in love. We said we loved each other after 3 weeks (we probably loved each other before we were boyfriend & girlfriend). I lost my virginity to him after a month of dating.  So soon. I was 20 and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.  

    Post # 27
    Member
    1064 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

    First date! We’d been out a couple of times as part of a group, but he can’t back to mind the first time we went out alone. No regrets, it obviously didn’t have a negative effect on us, seven years and a marriage later.

    Post # 28
    Member
    325 posts
    Helper bee

    With DH – within two hours of meeting. But we’d known each other online for a while so he wasn’t a complete stranger.

    I slept with most of my other long-term partners early on (before we made it ‘official’). If you’re attracted to each other, I can’t see any good reason for waiting and I have no regrets about any of them. Plus, you need to be compatible in the sack… better find out sooner rather than later.

    Post # 29
    Member
    158 posts
    Blushing bee

    First date I offered. He said nah he wanted to be a gentleman. Second date I stayed at his and we did stuff. Third date he had booked a hotel (we were a little LDR and my dog hated the sound of sex and used to panic) and we had sex then. So about three weeks of dating. 

    Sex is important to me and it was important I knew we were compatible. It hasn’t hindered our emotional growth because that comes with experiencing challenges and amazing stuff in our relationship. Not whether we’ve had sex or not. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    1560 posts
    Bumble bee

    Within a few weeks of meeting, but that was her wanting to wait as I was the first person she’d slept with, I would have been happy to have sex on the first date. As a lesbian there’s not really any judgement around having sex earlier into a relationship, it’s really liberating tbh. 

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