When did you go from contented girlfriend to officially “waiting”?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How long were you happy with being “just a girlfriend”?
    I was never happy with that! : (23 votes)
    11 %
    1-3 years : (126 votes)
    61 %
    4-7 years : (44 votes)
    21 %
    8+ years : (9 votes)
    4 %
    I’m fine with never getting married : (5 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2494 posts
    Buzzing bee

    When A) the relationship is so bad that my partner and I can’t communicate about serious topics like our future, B) my partner disrespects me by not “allowing” me to talk to him about my/our future, or C) my partner and I have a discussion about the future that reveals that we aren’t compatible in terms of next steps.

    All of the above things will most likely lead to a break up, not an engagement.

    Post # 3
    Member
    1183 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    We had been together about a year and a half and went to look at stones/rings with a jeweler. He told me that he would take it from there. I ended up waiting another 6 months and we got engaged on our 2 year anniversary.

    I think it greatly depends on how old you are when you begin dating to determine when you should be getting impatient. I know plenty of people who met very young and waited a long time to get engaged/married because they wanted to get their life set on the right path, first. Some of my best friends waited 8 years because they met in college. To each their own. Every person and every relationship is different. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee

    i went from happy gf to “waiting” at about 4 years.  I also think it depends on your age and expectations.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    12101 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    TBH, none of the above. My philosophy was that after completing education, starting a career and assuming financial independence, I would expect to know how serious the relationship is, where it’s heading, and approximately when by about a year. That doesn’t have to mean an imminent engagement, but the couple should clearly be on the same page. 

    However, you were quite young when you first met. Young adults continue to grow and mature well into their twenties. I don’t think four or five years was an unreasonable time line in your case at all. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    My Fiance and I were also quite young when we met, and it was about 3.5 years in that I started becoming restless about just being a girlfriend. I was also making a lot of life changes at that time to fister our future together, which may have been a part of it. We got engaged a month before our 4th anniversary.

    I say don’t feel like you can’t talk to him or need to be quiet about the whole thing. Communicate. You don’t want him to wake up one day and find you’re extremely resentful at him for not proposing when he never knew how much it was hurting you. Best of luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    9670 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I probably starting getting a little antsy and feeling like I was waiting around year 6. My husband (then-boyfriend) was trying to figure out stuff career and school-wise. We thought he might need to do an internship that would probably be on the other side of the country and even though we both felt ready to get engaged just wanted to have his career path figured out before getting engaged.

    Once he bought the ring though I went right back to content girlfriend. He waited 6 months (for various reasons) after buying the ring to propose but I didn’t feel like I was waiting or at least I wasn’t worried about it once he had the ring.

    ETA: I think the fact that we always very openly communicated about engagement/marriage timeline helped with me not being worried about him not proposing. I was always a part of the conversation and a part of the decision about when it would happen. 6 years of being in the dark and not talking about it would have been awful!

    Post # 8
    Member
    9810 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    I never felt like I was waiting, we had a clear timeline and communicated pretty openly. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    10668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    azf0019 :  

    Marriage isn’t something that just comes to you.  It’s a decision two people make.  You are half of the equation.  He is not a delicate hothouse orchid.  He will not faint like a goat under the ‘pressure’ of having an adult discussion about your shared future.

    If he doesn’t propose by next year, you won’t resign your lease.  Does he know that?  Or must he consult his Magic Decoder Ring?

    If you can’t communicate openly and freely about the future of your relationship, you ought not to be considering marriage.  

    Talk to him.  See if your timelines mesh.  If not, what can be negotiated?  No expecting him to read your mind and no hint dropping.  

    Post # 12
    Member
    73 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    Shortly after our two year anniversary we had a really good talk about our relationship and our future and decided together to get engaged by our third anniversary. We had been doing the “when we get married”/“when we have kids” type of talk for awhile by then but that was the first formal talk about a timeline. So I would say I started officially waiting at two years.

    I started to get antsy about half way through though lol, mostly because I was excited/anxious/super duper ready. He proposed at the end of December and our anniversary is in April so I didn’t have to wait too much longer! 

    We are 28(almost 29) & 30 currently and will be 30 & 31(almost 32) when we get married. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    264 posts
    Helper bee

    We dated for seven years but I would only consider myself waiting the last four months or so. And even then, I wasn’t impatiently waiting or anything, it was just the point at which I was okay with getting engaged. I was in a long academic program the whole time we were dating and we wanted that to be over before getting engaged. The program ended in May and he proposed in September.

    Post # 14
    Member
    100 posts
    Blushing bee

    Before I met (and seriously started dating) my Boyfriend or Best Friend, marriage nor kids had even crossed my mind. All of my friends had the pinterest wedding boards but honestly it all kind of bored me. We started talking about marriage at the year and a half ish mark and then once he suggested we go look at rings together, I was infatuated and ever since then it’s been a really open and great conversation that we talk about often. 

    I’ve really only gotten antsy the past couple of months though because I know its happening soon! As another bee said, we had a really open time line and I’ve known for about a year now that it was going to happen in about this time frame.  It hasn’t made me any less antsy, but it’s definitely helped with the impatient part (if that makes sense). 

    Some advice I have for you if this conversation if fairly new, is to have grace. A couple of months ago, my SO felt the magnitude of this life event and we had a really honest discussion about the subject. He voiced some doubts and things he’d like for us to work on, and if you don’t have some grace it can be a hard pill to swallow to look at your relationship objectively while on the “waiting” high. So basically if your SO expresses doubts or things he’d like to work on, just breath 🙂 

    Post # 15
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee

    The end of not caring about getting engaged was around the 3 year mark. Although he’s 6 years my senior, I feel it’s quite unfair to say age determines this, because I think it’s maturity and not age – which differs from person to person. I started getting annoyed when he wouldn’t talk to me around 23 years of age. I knew I wanted to be married anytime after 25-30, so we should at least KNOW if we wanted eachother at that age.

    Fast forward to December 2017, aged 24, we FINALLY had THE chat.That was 4.5 years into our relationship I approach 25 in May, we now know we will marry in 2021 when I pass my masters (therapeutic psychology takes 3yrs in uk). So it’s been a long and winding road to reach an idea of when and how long. For numerous reasons.

     

    Anyday now he could propose, but I’ll be damned if I wait another 2 years for it. Lol.

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