When did you go from contented girlfriend to officially “waiting”?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How long were you happy with being “just a girlfriend”?
    I was never happy with that! : (23 votes)
    11 %
    1-3 years : (126 votes)
    61 %
    4-7 years : (44 votes)
    21 %
    8+ years : (9 votes)
    4 %
    I’m fine with never getting married : (5 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee

    Around 3 years I started getting impatient, but more for circumstances to be right than for him. We mutually decided that he really needs to graduate college before we take that step, and I know a proposal is coming before Summer 2019. I considered myself “waiting” when I got to the point when a proposal could happen any day – technically he could decide on a long engagement. No pressure; I told him that as long as I have at least a year to plan, I couldn’t really care less. Just make sure I don’t look like I just woke up and crawled out of Hell for the pics.

    Post # 32
    Member
    158 posts
    Blushing bee

    I believe marriage crosses my mind a little bit before the year and a half mark. BUT I want to finish school before we get married. So regardless I still have another 2.5 Years before marriage at least. 

    He wants me to finish school as well. So do my parents. SO and I would like to be more financially stable too. 

     

    Post # 33
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee

    DH told me that he wanted to marry me after 3 weeks and gave me my wedding band after 2 years (at christmas at his parents, such an awkward moment), so I always knew marriage was on the way. He proposed in Paris after 2 years and 8 months.

    Post # 34
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    Once we started talking about our future together and moving in I considered myself officially “waiting” because it was in the plan!

     

    in regards to your situation, my only advice is to never wait for things to be perfect before doing what you want. There will always be something in your life that needs attention and always bigger goals to reach. Take on as much “life stuff” as you can and enjoy the crazy ride! 

    Post # 35
    Member
    1946 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    I was happy being the girlfriend until I graduated from university I always made it clear that I didn’t want to get engaged until we were done with school.

    Post # 36
    Member
    1214 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

    azf0019 :  Well I wouldn’t say I reached any point where I stopped being happy to be his girlfriend, it’s just that I became marriage-oriented and let him know that’s what I wanted for us in the next couple years. For me it was on our 1yr anniversary that I knew marriage was what I wanted. We went and looked at rings together and we bought a house together later that year. We were on the same page that we wouldn’t want to get engaged until we were settled into the house, so I wasn’t ever unsure of where things were going along the way. Right now it’s causing anxiety to wait just due to excitement! LOL.

    For your situation, I would say no of course you’re not being a brat!! You just want some validation that he wants to marry you (i.e. a proposal). Since you said you haven’t already, you really need to have a no-nonsense, direct conversation about marriage. Bring it up immediately. Sit down for a nice dinner tonight, and tell him there’s something you need to talk to him about. Tell him what your true feelings are, that it’s causing you to be unhappy that he hasn’t proposed yet. It may be uncomfortable in the moment, but you will thank yourself for validating your own feelings by being honest with him. There is no shame in that. You alone are responsible for your own feelings, and since you are in a relationship, you therefore have a responsibility to him to let him know what those feelings are. If he loves you, he will not run from this.

    Also, I want to add that things are always going to happen in life, so I personally think it’s unrealistic to expect that you’ll have all your ducks in a row before you get married. Marriage is about dealing with life together, and reaching goals together, supporting each other. We are never going to be done growing as people, even until the day we die! If marriage is what you want, then talk to him and make it happen together, or you will know what needs to happen.

    Hope this helps, bee.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1214 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

    azf0019 :  You’re welcome 🙂 Hope you find the courage to bring this up sooner than later- time never stops moving forward, and this type of thing really eats at you if you don’t confront it head-on! I’m sure it will all work out! 

    Post # 39
    Member
    669 posts
    Busy bee

    We looked at rings probably after 6 months of dating. We will most likely  be engaged by 2 year anni. I feel like I started “waiting” after a year. We are 29/30 so… just seems nuts to wait.

    Post # 40
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    3 years/ 2 years living together was the start of my breaking point.

    Engaged after 3 yrs 8 mos

    Post # 41
    Member
    712 posts
    Busy bee

    Side note: I’d be more than happy to help you with the body/weight struggle. I have two trainers and have been kickboxing and have seen a world of difference. I can share plans with you and help you along the way if you want, just pm me if you’re interested .

    Post # 42
    Member
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    At 1.5 years, I was starting to get antsy. At 2 years, I was officially ready to be engaged. At 2.5, I was losing my mind, and thats when he proposed 🙂

    Post # 44
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Although I felt this very hard in my past relationship, I don’t feel it in my current one. I let my current partner know that I was only happy to wait for 4 years before an engagement at the start of the relationship, and we were on the same page with it. Over the years, we’ve joked about him leaving it 10 years and then a 10 year engagement, but I’ve known that he wants marriage too. I think the difference may be age honestly – my past partner was 22 (I think) at our 6 year mark, and he wasn’t ready to talk about it. My current partner is nearly 25 and he’s been willing to talk about it all.

    I would say I’ve kind of been expecting it any time between our 2 year mark and the 4 year mark. We’re at 2.5 years now, and it seems like it’s going to happen this year now. But I’m still content with girlfriend until we have moved in together (happening in May/June) and as long as it doesn’t go past 4 years!

    Post # 45
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - Queens, NY

    I was very content to just go with the flow for about 4.5 years, which was last July. Then our friends had all their wedding stuff going on and it was on my mind more and more until we argued about it just after their wedding. The day before our fifth anniversary he said we should talk about rings, but most of that conversation has consisted of me sending him links/showing him pictures of settings and stones and telling him my metal preferences and ring size.

    Now I’m super antsy because we both know we want to get married to each other and I told him 2019 was when it would need to happen if he wants a year or two of marriage AND a kid before he turns 40. He’s about to turn 35 in a couple months, so the timeline isn’t really all that flexible at this point and he’s well-aware.

    He knows I love surprises and him, so there’s a chance he’s trying to be sneaky so he can surprise me with a ring and proposal since we both know it’s headed in that direction. This thought is about the only thing keeping me anything resembling sane at this point. If he brings it up again, though, I am so on-board with picking a ring with him.

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