When did you go from contented girlfriend to officially “waiting”?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: How long were you happy with being “just a girlfriend”?
    I was never happy with that! : (23 votes)
    11 %
    1-3 years : (126 votes)
    61 %
    4-7 years : (44 votes)
    21 %
    8+ years : (9 votes)
    4 %
    I’m fine with never getting married : (5 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    3 posts
    Wannabee

    About 3 years in we’d started to talk more about our future as undergrad was over, which is what he told me we were waiting for. About 3.5 years in, around my bday, he suggested we size my finger and look at some rings. Then he FORGOT! I was visibly upset the rest of the day and told him I felt like he forgot because it wasn’t a priority to him. We were living in different cities at the time so our chances to go do that stuff were limited to twice a month. He came back a few weeks later and we went into a jewelry store and looked at what I liked…. Then nothing. 

     

    Fast forward 6 months later we relocated to a new state and moved in together and then I really began being assertive about my desire to get engaged. We had some fights about it and it was a tough few months as we went back and forth stating our positions and expectations. We finally were able to compromise on him doing it by the end of the lease as long as I let him do things his way.  He proposed last month.  So about 10 months of actually waiting and no longer being content with just being a girlfriend.  

    Post # 47
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee

    About 1 1/2 years into the relationship. We’ve been together a little over two years and I don’t see him proposing until at least the end of the year which will be our 3 years (NYE) but I told him I don’t want to get engaged on an anniversary. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    2572 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

    My Darling Husband and I are almost the same age gap as you guys. I am 25 and my husband is 30. 

    I started getting a little antsy at around the 1 1/2 mark because we knew we both wanted to get married and have a family. He brought up ring shopping at around that time. It probably wasn’t another 6 months or so until I considered myself truly “waiting” although I knew he was going to propose, there wasn’t a question. So we ended up getting engaged at about 2 1/2 years and married at a little over 3 1/2 years. Personally, if I would have waiting 3+ years I would have exploded lol. I was just so ready to be his fiancee and then wife. 

    This differs couple to couple though. My husband was at the point where he knew exactly what he wanted and knew he wanted to marry me. I do think if I were with someone who was closer to my own age, I would still be dating with no ring. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    2830 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    azf0019 :  yes I agree with you,  I’m sorry you’re regretting that “long ass” 5 year timeline you gave him..hindsight is 20/20. Thankfully my dh took the initiative early on,  thus I didn’t have to be in “limbo land” as you call it. Lol

    Hopefully your talk tonight will take you out of limbo land.Let us know how it goes! Good luck!

    Post # 51
    Member
    211 posts
    Helper bee

    Well I’ve only been with my guy since October and he purchased my ring this month (March).  But I would have been okay with a proposal up to one year of dating.  When you know you know. Plus when you’re older and have finances and careers .  There’s no point to wait 

    Post # 52
    Member
    17 posts
    Newbee

    Call me impatient but I started getting antsy just before the 2-year mark.  (We are approaching the 3-year mark and you can bet your ass I’m going positively nutters!). I think for me, there was the added element of how, on drunken nights out, he would introduce me as his “future wife” even just a few months into our relationship. which sort of planted a seed for me.  Ironically, it was when he stopped doing that that I started to really want to be proposed to.  I am really looking forward to being engaged and just enjoying that moment of calling someone my fiance! 

    Post # 53
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee

    Honestly, when I was younger I anticipated dating for 5-6 years until a man would propose or I would even consider saying yes.

    If it weren’t for the circumstances (long distance, college and military) I would of been fine waiting, moving in together and seeing where things went. A year before going off to college he got me a promise ring, and when I moved to my new school and he was due to leave for basic training a few months later, he proposed. It had only been two years, but we were serious and had lots of talks about our future prior. Granted, we also knew each other as kids, but grew apart when both our families moved. Didn’t recogonize each other when we met up as teens. Had no idea who he was/who I was until I introduced him to my mom who laughed and told us we use to have play dates as toddlers. We grew up in two different towns, two different high schools, 15 minutes apart without knowing one another or bumping into one another until I moved back to his hometown. We had a ton of mutual friends and him and I both made frequent trips into each othe’rs towns but never crossed paths until I moved back to his hometown. When we learned that, it went from “young love” to “this must be fate”. We’ve been happily engaged for a year now, I’m 19 almost 20 and he’s 21. 

    I think it really matters on the circumstance and how you and your SO each individually feel. I’ve heard men don’t want to settle down as quickly as woman, and noticed that if things are going well, some will just kind of stay in limbo until they “wake up” and realize they should put a ring on it, haha! 

    It doesn’t hurt to talk about where the relationship is going and where he sees you two in the future. You never know, maybe he’s saving up for the perfect ring.

    Post # 54
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2018

     I met my fiance when I was 15 and he was 17.. we dated 8 years before he finally asked me to marry him.. to be honest with you I wasn’t really upset about waiting at all. I knew he loved me. He’s my highschool sweetheart and I knew he would be ready when the time was right. He did however tell me that he wanted to finish school and be able to provide for our future family so I understood.. He went to college for 6 years for a 4 year degree..the day he graduated at his graduation dinner he got on one knee and we both cried our eyes out. He did what he said he was going to do. but keep in mind that he was speaking to me for years about our future. It really depends on how your boyfriend speaks about his goals for the future and if you’re in them.

    Post # 55
    Member
    174 posts
    Blushing bee

    With my ex, it was after his self-set timeline passed. I tend to take people at their word and want explanations when deadlines aren’t met.  I don’t tend to forgive unexplained failed deadlines without communication from the other person. All I ever wanted was to be in the loop and respected, nothing crazy.

    Post # 56
    Member
    2830 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    happiekrappie : . I must have missed updates, are you still living with him despite his refusal to get engaged/married?

    Post # 57
    Member
    981 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    Past relationship: Around the 3 year mark. He would say he wanted to get married “someday” but it never went beyond that

    Current relationship: 6 months in my boyfriend tells me he is already thinking about proposing but will wait longer for appearances sake. From that point on I am now waiting. We are both 100% on the same page though which helps a lot!

    Post # 58
    Member
    131 posts
    Blushing bee

    happiekrappie :  We are a lot alike. I’ve been together with my SO for 3 years, in a serious relationship for 2 years and I started getting this feeling this past July right before our 3rd anniversary. It’s crazy how we all discribe the exact same feeling. I also stuggle bringing it up but it’s crazy because he was the one who always brought it up and keeps bringing it up. It makes it think like it’c close but at the same time nothing really points to it (we didn’t go ring shopping – however, I would rather he picks the ring himself), he missed pretty good opportunities to propose. I completely understand where you are coming from, bee. You don’t want to put pressure on him and ruin the moment. I’ve spoken to some experienced bees here and they told me to have a serious talk with him. I am definitely not ready to just sit down and ask him when he is going to propose so I will probably wait till our 3.5 years together and only then bring it up (at Christmas time) It is also good to just bring it up when the moment is right. It can come up earlier. Setting up a mental deadline was definitely very helpful to me. I even talked to my mum and she agreed that at a 3.5 mark I need to talk to him. (even though I have no pressue from my side o the family to get married). Good luck to us and keep us updated!! Feel free to dm me 🙂

    Post # 59
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee

    Caveat – we are hyper traditional, don’t move in together, no sex until marriage types

    I have gotten legitimately impatient in like the last few weeks – after the glow of our first annviersary wore off! I know a proposal is coming, we’ve talked about marriage and we frequently have “When we’re married” converstaions (like we’ve picked out cookwear at this point) but he wants to let us enjoy the dating stage a bit longer before we bury our heads in wedding planning, and also give us a bit more time to grow as a couple before proposing. So right now I’m definitely in teh waiting stage. It’s not always the most fun thing in the world – but it’s important to him so it’s okay with me!

    I’ve also set a deadling that if at 20 months of dating he has not proposed I will talk with him about it!

    Post # 60
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee

    My current SO hit me like a truck: When we met I was in a different relationship in which we were (for personal reasons) looking for a third, not-serious partner.  When I met my current SO, my plans at the time all went out the window and resistance was futile.  Fate had stepped in and brought me the most loving, supportive, genunine, and kind partner I could ever ask for.  My now-ex and I split, and SO and I have been together almost two years (officially). I fell hard and immediately. I knew I wanted to marry her one day almost right away, and started to feel like I was really “waiting” like 8 months in, even though previously I had said I would never get engaged to anyone before dating for 4 years, since that is repeatedly when past relationships failed.

    I’m trying my best to be patient, but we talk about marriage and the wedding very, very, often, casually, as if it’s a given, becaude for us it is.  More of a “when” than an “if”.  We both love different wedding shows and watch them together all the time.  For us I think it’s a lot about finances and logisitcs, as we’re currently in seperate, but close, cities, and trying to move together.  She’s also a bit younger than me (I’m 30 and she’s 26), so I’m trying not to push her faster than she’s ready for.

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