(Closed) When did you know…?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
2769 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Not the one: I was dating a sweet, funny charming guy long distance. I knew he wasn’t the one when he didn’t make even a few minutes for me. I had moved to another continent, and the time difference sucked – so it was really apparent when he made me wait for an hour or two after I had already waited up to midnight to talk to him. I remember him blaming his studies – ‘it’ll get better at the end of the semester.’ But what about the next semester, and the next? He wanted to do more degrees, and I was in grad school so I knew how much more work a master’s was than a bachelor’s. (And I still was making time for him). I couldn’t be a part time girlfriend, or a lower priority than his friends. I didn’t mind if we talked for ten minutes and then he went on with his life – but he couldn’t even be bothered to ask his brother to jump on the computer and tell me he wasn’t going to be there. I promised myself I would never be an afterthought again. 

 

The one: There were too many things to name just one thing as ‘the reason’ I knew he was it! But he has never made me feel second place, even when he has been very busy or out of town. 

Post # 47
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Not the one: my ex-FI and I were together for six years, and I wanted it so badly to work that I would do anything to keep him and stuffed everything I wanted deep down inside of me. Love was not enough; we couldn’t even agree on the most basic life choices (where to live, if we wanted children, or even what music to listen to).

The exact moment I knew we couldn’t be together wasn’t even when he wanted to break up a few months before our wedding. He was terribly insecure and would frequently talk about other women (even people I knew) and what he’d do to them sexually. When I finally reached down inside me to pluck up the courage to call him out for that behavior and told him to stop he rolled his eyes and completely ignored me. The two months that followed of the complete emptiness he made me feel just cemented what I knew in my heart.

The one: I’m not sure I’ve found him yet, or maybe it’s too soon to say (only been together about two months). But I’m dating someone else now who is almost completely matched with me on fundamentals, morals, and outlook on life. So even if it turns out he’s not it, at least I know what it feels like to genuinely click with someone. This is a cake walk compared to my last relationship, and I really feel like most of the time it should just be this easy.

Post # 49
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

I knew that something was different & special right away when we first started dating (it was just so… easy!), and the first time we slept together. But I don’t really believe in “the one,” for me, at least. I decided that I wanted to marry him several years in, after we’d been living together and been through good times and bad, and I realized that I could count on him, and that he loved me like crazy even on my worst day. I realized that I would be a very lucky person to have him as my life partner. Then the waiting started!

Post # 50
Member
440 posts
Helper bee

Haha, so many people are saying they knew right away, but that was definitely not the case for me.  He was trying to get me to give him a chance for about three months when I finally agreed to be his girlfriend, and even then I wasn’t sure if the relationship would be successful.  I had just went through a really bad breakup, so I was trying to be cautious.  It was another few months before I was really comfortable in our relationship.  I think all those early doubts made me highly aware of each of our “flaws,” and I knew he was the one when I realized that those things really didn’t change the fact that I was the happiest I’d ever been.

Post # 51
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

I realized he was the one about seven months into our relationshhip. I knew it because he treated me amazing, he was and is the most patient and kind man I’ve ever met. he is my best friend, and I am simply calm around him. It’s not always butterflies, but I’m just calm with him. We also both had the same values and goals in life..so became simple as that for me. 🙂 

Post # 52
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I knew he was THE ONE, throughout our relationship. But 2 specfific examples are: the first date & 3 months into it.

On the first date; I felt like I had just met up with my long lost best friend, there was a ease and comfort like I’d known him all my life. Dating him was like nothing I’d ever experience before. He would bring me my favorite flowers, kiss my hand and call me his lady, be 100% complete gentleman and take it slow, respecting me and treating me how I deserved to be treated. He went above & beyong my expectations of what I look for in a partner. Our values and beliefs lined up so well! We actually met on an online dating site called OKcupid and we were 99% matched based on hundreds of questions we answered. 🙂

 

About 3 months into our relationship we went to the zoo. We were on a walking tour when I had a really bad allergic reaction to a plant I touched (my hand and fingers swelled up and I couldnt move), he quickly rushed me to the medical center and stood by my side, he had this look of both adoration and concern on his face when they put cream on me and bandaged me up. He held my hand and even tried to kiss it (though it was swollen/infected and I said no! lol). We wandered around during sunset and I told him I loved him.

For over a week I had a voice inside my head that was telling me to tell him (but I wanted him to say it first/was afraid he might not say it back) but that day I couldn’t contain myself anymore. I felt like I was bursting to tell him because all the little things he did throughout made me think “gosh, I love you.” I came to the conclusion that even if he didn’t say it back right away than it would be ok with me because my only goal was to let him know HE was loved. (unconditionally/unselfish/unassuming love) To my surprise, he said he loved me back and told me he had a dream a few nights prior that I came to him and said “I love you” and he woke up feeling “wow, I love her too.” Turns out he went out and bought a heart necklace and was planning on telling me on a picnic next week but I beat him to the punch haha<3

Post # 53
Member
778 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
prayingfordirection:  second phone conversation, we stayed up all night on the phone with each other and spoke about everything and I remember telling my sister, Im in love with him and i think i will marry him one day.

I was young and stupid but he was the first guy that really got my attention. From then on we fought the world for each other  I’m looking back and thinking that first love of him was NOTHING compared to the love I have for him today. 

Post # 54
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2017

The entire day and night of our first date- I realised how much we had in common, it felt like I’d known him forever. We had a ton in common and were just as strange and awkward as each other. that was the moment I knew I’d found my best friend and I had to keep him forever.

Post # 55
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Not the one…the ex before my SO. I found condoms in his travel bag and that was the end of that.

The One…My SO and I met online and before we even met we would spend hours on the phone together till all hours of the night. I felt like before we even met that he totally got me. When we finally met we stood at my front door and jsut held each other for probably about 10 minutes without even loosening our grip. Also, when my son was sick and I had to rush him to the ER he left work right away (we had been dating 2 weeks) to comfort me and make sure my son was okay and brought him a toy. It really meant the world to me.

Post # 56
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

I had a pretty strong gut feeling right away that my fiance was the one. It was when I shared my greatest insecurities with him that I  really knew he was the one. The things I was most ashamed of were things that he not only accepted but actually liked about me!

In the past, there was someone else that I thought was the one. It’s a long story, but he ended up choosing a married woman over me. I kept chasing after him for two more years after that though. It wasn’t until he got her pregnant that I knew we had no future together.

Post # 57
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

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prayingfordirection:  I honestly thought I was going to marry my ex. One night we had talked for hours about how much we loved each other and how we wanted to be married to each other. He said the sweetest things. I planned to keep my virginity until marriage. We ended up making love that night. I felt like everything that happened that night was confirmation that he was the one. 

Fast forward to 2015 and into the New Year and things started to unravel pretty fast. I ignored the warning signs for a very long time. It was one Friday night we had cooked dinner and were relaxing at his apartment. The weather had been pretty bad and we had spent all day together. I’m taking a shower and he comes in asking to borrow my car. He stated that he had a work related emergency and didn’t have time to get gas for his. He was out all night with his cell phone off. I’m worried sick and couldn’t sleep all night. He comes in the next morning and was shocked I’d been awake all night. He admitted that he’d been at a birthday party for a coworker. Even with that I almost stayed. I feel that was final confirmation that he wasn’t the one. 

Post # 58
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Not the one: I’d been with the guy for nearly 5 years, and was actually semi-planning a wedding. But he was abusive and I started to see it more and more. I couldn’t be myself. I wasn’t appreciated for the things I enjoyed and liked, instead I was banned from doing them. I was miserable every day. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. Essentially, I wasn’t happy, wasn’t valued, and realized the only thing he wanted was someone to own not someone to love.

The one: I was really terrified of relationships after what happened to me before, and was extremely cautious. I was friends with my now husband for a while and we really connected, but I was terrified of being in another relationship. I think I realized how good he was for me when he asked me if he could wait for me to be ready to date again. He told me he wanted me to have as much time as I needed to get myself back together and recover, then in this shy scared voice he asked if it was okay for him to wait for me, because he’d never met a woman like me and knew he’d never meet another one like me again. I couldn’t deny that talking to him and being with him made me happier than I’d ever been before. I was smiling all the time. I felt like I could be myself and be loved, respected, and appreciated for that. So I told him yes. Surprisingly, it was like him doing that somehow helped me let go of my extreme fear and let me know that he would never pressure me to do anything I didn’t want to do (unlike my ex who tried to force me into things a lot even when I said no) and two weeks later I told him I wanted to try dating him. He was shocked but overjoyed, and has never failed to both tell me and show me through how he treats me that he’s lucky, that he couldn’t ask for anybody better, that I’m a complete catch, and that I mean everything to him. He’s definitely everything I want and need and I am so glad I didn’t stay with the sucker and miss out on the best thing in my life.

Post # 59
Member
10209 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
enshell:  

Your story sounds so much like mine:  the abusive ex, the patient gentleman waiting in the wings.  I totally get how a healthy relationship  can be a healing balm.

Isn’t it great to go from the snake pit that is abuse to a place where everything is just a bit brighter because he is in your life? So glad you found a man who will lift you up rather than drag you down.   Best wishes for a happy future.

Post # 60
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It really is, and I’m glad that you found something better too! It really is going from a place where you don’t even know who you are any more and hate what you’ve become to a place where you can be completely yourself without fear and just be loved and admired for it. It’s an awesome thing. I wish you joy as well!

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