- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
UPDATE: Well, I wanted to thank everyone for their responses. DH and I did finally have a serious conversation, 2 of them in fact… Last weekend I made reservations at our favorite restaurant, and at the end of the evening (after spending most of it talking about his work, our fututre, etc.) I gave him a mini speech about how I wanted to ask him something, but that I didn’t need an answer right away, but that I wanted a REAL answer, not a joking one, and that if he needed to, he could think about it a while before answering. Then I said “You already know that I want children… I’m ready to have them now. I know you’re not, but what I need from you is a realistic timeline of when you think you might be. I’m not trying to pressure you, and I don’t need an answer right now, or even this month. But I need to know that this is something you’re seriously thinking about because I am.”
He responded with “off hand, I’d say two years.” I let the conversation end there, and we moved on to different topics.
Then, a few nights later, he started another conversation with “So, you had wanted to talk about serious conversations, and I have something I want to talk to you about… and we proceeded to have a conversation about how we are going to be living in a remote area and the fact that he wants to have a loaded gun in the bedroom in the event of a home invasion… but that’s a whole different thread!
Anyway, at the end of that conversation, I asked him if he’d given any more throught to my question, and he said “no, not as much as I should have” so I asked him “Ok…why two years?” and he responded “because that’s the longest amount of time I thought you’d accept.” (which probably sounds awful, and it is a little bit, but the one thing I can always count on is he is 100% honest!) Anyway, after laughing and shaking my head in disbelief while he sheepishly smiled at me. We countinued talking, and I explained that my issue with waiting 2 years is that it doesn’t give us ANY wiggle room if we have trouble getting pregnant. We have agreed on 2 (successful) pregnancies (I want 3 kids, he wants none, but we both feel that only children miss out on some of the best parts of family, i.e. siblings, so damn it, I need to have twins!!! sorry, tangent…) and given my medical conditions and the increase in potential complications after the age of 30, I have long since decided that I will not try after that point. (This is NOT meant as a jab at women who do have kids after 30, and I realize it’s fine for them, but given my history and circumstance it’s not something I’m willing to do) I’m 25 now, I’ll be 30 at the end of 2018, and I’d like our kids to be 2-3 years apart, so working backwards, assuming a year for each TTC/pregnancy (IF I’m extremely lucky) would be early 2016… 2 years from now.
He said he understood that, but that right now it’s hard for him to picture us starting a family at all because our lives are in such flux already. At the end of the month we are going to be moving to Alaska from California and his company is opening a new office and he’s gonig to be running it with a huge contract that will take him all across the state for most of the summer months. I told him that that was a fair point, and that I’m ok pausing the conversation for a few months, he responded with “a year?” I said “3 months”, he said “6 months?” I said “3 months”, he said “8?” I said, “3 months.”
So, 3 months it is, we’ll talk about it again in May and see where we are at from there. But, at least the conversation has been started!