(Closed) When did you know he was "ready"?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 32
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@HisBride515:  I know thats what happens… and i am 100% not ready for that to be full time yet!

Post # 33
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

My husband has wanted kids from the minute we met.  I wanted to travel the world before, so that’s what we did, and were able to save alot of money together.  I ‘guess’ I am ready now.  Actually I have no choice cause this kid is coming regardless (I’m about 2mo preggo)  lol but I am very satisfied with my life that I am wiling to share it with someone else now. 

I think the best situation would be that you aren’t really trying to STOP getting pregnant but not REALLY trying to conceive, that way you won’t be majorly disapointed either way.

Post # 35
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My DH brings up something baby related almost everyday.  He now refers to our second bedroom as “the nursery”.  I think he’s ready!

Post # 36
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Just a quick note: When I was with Fiance for about a year and a half I had extreme baby fever – I was 26 and he was 28. He was NOT ready for a baby and I thought I was. Now l am 33. Looking back I am glad I didn’t have a baby yet. We have done so many things that we wouldn’t have been able to do if we had had a baby when I wanted to. Now he is ready at 35 and I am not feeling ready yet – weird how that happened.

Post # 37
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

We actually went to counseling to talk about his fears– he felt that he had this list of things to do before he could be a good dad. Some of them were reasonable — have a stable job (check), a home (check), etc… but there was a lot of pressure to feel NO financial strain, which for him, just isn’t possible. No matter how much money he makes or that we stockpile, he’s afraid it’s not enough. He was afraid he wassn’t mature enough, or patient enough, and that he needed to wake up and feel 100% dad material before he was ready, even though he wanted to TTC originally at a younger age than I did. Counseling helped a lot with facing rational fears and sitting with irrational ones but not letting them stop him from moving forward.

I was 31 and he was 33 when we conceived. He originally wanted kids “by 30” and so did I.

Post # 38
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

He keeps moving the timeline down. Wants to start trying next year, when we’re sure all is good with his new job and when we’ve got more financial security. I was actually really surprised when he said next year. Surprised and happy! 

Post # 39
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

DH always knew he wanted kids someday, but he got hives whenever I would bring it up for the first 1.5 years of our marriage.

We were both really enjoying newleywed bliss. DH was worried that once a child comes, the romance, freedom, travel, etc… goes out the window for a long while.

I wasn’t super into having kids yet in the beginning, but at the start of the second year of marriage I began to get baby fever. Also, I have PCOS which affected my feelings- I did not want to wait too long.

This past May, we visited my SIL in the hospital when our nephew was born. I looked at DH’s face, and I swear, it was like a lightswitch turned on. He was going gaga over the baby.

When we got in the car to go home, I looked at him and said, “Lets start trying.”

And he said, “OK.”

And that was that. We got pregnant in early December.

I really think that small experience made him feel the joy that is a child and that was enough for him.

 

View original reply
@juliette.eliza:  I’m so glad you’ve opened the lines of communication with your husband. You guys are on the right track. 🙂

Post # 40
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I haven’t read other people’s responses, but I’m actually in the reverse situation: he is ready, and I’m not. Fortunately, he is not pressuring me; I think that if he was bringing it up a lot or pushing AT ALL, I would push back. Since he’s not really bringing it up, I end up bringing it up more, and we talk about it on my terms, which helps.

My reasons are basically the same as your husband’s: I’m terrified I’ll resent my kids or regret having them because it will totally change my life and I’ll have to stop doing some of the things I enjoy or I’ll not be able to dedicate as much of myself to my work.

I don’t think I’ll ever really be “ready” …I think I have to decide if I want kids or not (I do – I made that decision already) and then eventually just do it even though it’s terrifying and I won’t feel ready. Because, if I wait, I’m never going to be “ready.” So, my approach is, I just gotta do it because I know I want kids even if I also am not ready…

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