When Did You Know You Wanted Kids?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m unsure about having kids, too. I always have been. I think what’s the most difficult about it is how entirely my life would change if I did have kids. I’m 26, but I still don’t feel like I’m a grown up.

I am beginning to have baby fever, though. I’ve always loved babies, but lately I’ve just been obsessed. I’m still not ready right now, mentally, but physically I seem to yearn for them.

I also imagine my Fiance as a father sometimes, and it just touches my heart. He would be such an amazing father. I would so love to raise a family with this man. I think about that, and I’m more sure that I want kids with him.

It probably won’t be for several years, though, because we’re just not ready yet. There are so many places we want to travel, things we want to have settled (in terms of jobs, my debt, savings, and such) before we start a family. Probably in a few years, although I’m just shooting for at least by the time I’m 35.

Post # 18
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

iamdre:  Seriously hon, do not worry about having your kids before 30.  I’ve never seen much to indicate that any age under 35 carries with it big health concerns, and even over 35 the risks are so small.  They scare you by telling you that oh God, some horrible disease is twice as likely if you’re over 35!  But in reality the chances of that horrible disease go from 0.001 to 0.002.  It’s ridiculous.

Not to say there aren’t increased risk for increased maternal age past a certain point, but having your kids at 32 is not a big deal.  Take that stress off!

Post # 19
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t have kids yet. But Until I started dating my SO I was pretty sure I did not want kids. Then with him, I want them. (just one) 

I’m still so scared about the change that will happen with being a mother. My body, my time, my health. But, I know I want to make him a father. 

Post # 20
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

I’ve always assumed that I would have kids. People would tell me that I was great with them and I actually worked a summer job teaching 2-3yo to swim (ie. not drown). My Fiance is amazing with children. Deaf, autistic, ADHD, boy, girl, doesn’t matter – he is amazing with them. If we do have them, he will be the favorite and for some stupid reason that already hurts my feelings! so silly.

I have moments that I look at my life and I panic at the thought of bringing children into it. which is crazy because we live in a two-bed apt in a safe place, near good schools, etc.

Other times this heart-squeezing, thought stopping NEED to have a child in my life comes over me and it’s all I can do not to text my Fiance and tell him we need to start TTC RIGHT NOW DAMNIT! He is much more ready than I am. He would be happy excited and I would be scared excited if it happened right now.

I have no idea how to family-plan. It took my parents 10 years of TTC to have me. If I don’t start TTC now then I could be mid 30s by the time I have one (if I follow their path). But if we start TTC now and I have one in the next few years I won’t be ready for that!

Post # 21
Member
9546 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a parent until later in life. When I was ~28 and my husband was itching to get engaged, I made him wait because he knew he wanted kids and I wasn’t sure. So I decided that I did want kids when I was about 29 and we got engaged shortly thereafter. Married at 31, kid at 32.

Don’t get to caught up in kids after 30. Tons of women over 30 have healthy pregnancies and healthy kids. Most of the risk in women who are older is for chromosome problems like Down syndrome. But these risks go up slowly throughout a woman’s life. It’s not like some magic switch gets tossed at 30 or 35. 

https://embryology.med.unsw.edu.au/embryology/index.php/Genetic_risk_maternal_age

 

Post # 22
Hostess
3812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I am totally where you are! Fiance and I are 27and have been together 8.5 years as well. He’d be happy to start trying right after we get married this fall, but I’m soooo not ready to change my life enough to be a parent. I only finished school two years ago (JD) and am feeling like I’m progressing in my career. I also really cherish the time I have with my Fiance and my friends. My friends from college are all married, but don’t yet have children, while my friends in my current city are all unmarried. I don’t have even a smidge of baby fever, but grew up my whole life thinking about marriage and babies. Fiance and I have agreed to reassess how we feel when we turn 30 and go from there 🙂 I think it’s perfectly safe to have kids after 30 (and 40) these days, so I’d wait and see how you’re feeling in the future.

Post # 23
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I knew I wanted to be a Mom when I was 10 years old (LOL!)

I am 27 now, and been married for coning up 8 months. Darling Husband and I were together for 4 1/2 years before we got married. Darling Husband and I talked about TTC, and agreed we would start soon after our wedding. We felt we had spent enough time together as a ‘couple’ and were ready to be parents. We TTC for six months, and decided to take a month or two off. We will be starting up again soon.

Post # 25
Hostess
1727 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’ve always known that I wanted to be a Mom, but always thought I’d adopt.  In fact, I’ve posted here before about adopting.  For years, I thought I’d just be a single lady forever, and adoption was the best course of action for me.  Then, I met Darling Husband when I was 30 and he was 35.  He didn’t think he would want to have babies either, and was kind of on board about adopting but a little less gung-ho than I was.  It was looking like maybe no kids at all for us, which made me kind of sad.  

But lately, we’ve been reading more about adoption.  Then he found out that we may need to relocate for his job, so then I really started worrying about what that would do to our adoption time line.  And he said “well, what if we just have our own baby?  we could think about adopting a sibling once we are settled, but we would’t be tied to any one else’s timeline.  and the more i think about it, the more I want to have a baby that is made from our love.”  

Since he said that, I’ve really been coming around to having a baby.  I’m almost 34 now, and am worried about being “too old.”  But I’ve been reading quite a bit about it, and have decided that I don’t need to worry about being too old yet.  

If you’re really serious about wanting to consider it, I’d recommend the book “Expecting Better.”  It’s by an economist and it lays out all kinds of conception and pregnancy “common knowledge” and goes through the research and data, to help folks make more informed decisions.  

Post # 26
Member
3094 posts
Sugar bee

I never wanted kids. Never saw myself as a kid person…dont like other people’s kids. Additionally, I am an introvert.

However, when I was married, I had two. I thought the baby stage would kill me.  I did not enjoy it. I NEVER had time for myself (literally) and the needs were constant. Then they turned 4 and 5 and started going to regular school. Now I have my life back and they are my pride and joy. I love them to death and would not change it for the world. It’s to the point where I shudder to think that I almost didn’t have them.  But I think it helps that my kids are pretty well behaved, do well in school and give me minimal problems. They are in bed by 8 and they are in school all day so I have loads of free time. Plus, now that I am divorced, they go to their dad every other weekend so I am able to do ‘me’ at times.

I also say, you will never know this journey until you walk it. You can never tell from someone else’s experience how you will feel. It’s also perfectly okay to want kids as well as not want them.  But both you and your man would have to be on the same page with that.  

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