(Closed) when did you know you were ready…or did you?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@esqbee:  I can relate!  I have always known that I wanted kids, without a doubt.  So it was a little surprising to me when I felt sort of anxious when we stopped preventing in September.  I am also 31 and we are ready, emotionally and financially, and Darling Husband also has a ticking baby clock (he’s 38 and worried about keeping up with the kiddoes!).  Honestly it is such a huge life change, especially after being so independent and getting used to a certain lifestyle, that I think it is perfectly normal to feel this way.  I can’t say that I feel 100% ready for all of the changes that are coming, and I think we’ll have to learn and adjust as we go, but I do feel 100% ready to welcome our future little one!  I think that recognizing that it will be a big change and being open and receptive to whatever may come along on your TTC / baby journey is important, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have moments of “OMG are we really going to be parents!?” 🙂          

Post # 4
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We are not “trying” right now, but I went off of BC this past January for a health reason. It was his suggestion that I not find another BC and we can just be “careful”. Obviously it was my choice, but knowing that he felt ok with us taking that chance was comforting in a way.

I guess that’s when I realized I was as ready as I”ll ever really be…If I wasn’t “ready” and the thought of not being on anything freaked me out, I would have found another form of BC. 

I don’t honestly know if there is a time when anyone feels 100% “emotionally ready”, but when you get to the point where you want to try or you know if it happens you would be ok with it, then I feel as if that is as “ready” as some people get…and that is ok. At least, that’s how it was with me.

Post # 5
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I dont think you are ever “really ready.”  I mean yes you can have the home, the great job, the money but that is all just good planning/preparation.  I didnt really feel “ready” until I held my little baby in my arms.  Its a huge change in your lifestyle thats for sure but for me I cant imagine my life without my little man now!  Of course when we first got the + pee stick I can still to this day feel the anxiety I felt! Like OMG is this real??? Even looking at my little munchkin on the ultrasound every two weeks ( I was a high risk pregnancy) it still didnt feel real to me! I questioned myself every day, was I really ready for this??? But when he let out his first cry and took his first breaths I knew every ounce of anxiety I felt throughout my pregnancy was worth every breath this little boy would take for the rest of his life.  And my life and everything I knew before him was nowmeaningless to me because he was my life!

Post # 6
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I kind of feel like I was in the same boat as you.  I never really felt really eager to have a baby. I’m 30 and my husband is 37. We got married in August and started discussing when we’d start a family. 

I knew I had to be reasonable because my husband did not want to wait another day.  I said 8 months and we could pull the goalie and that was waaay to long for him.  Once I started talking about it with him and thinking about it more, I couldn’t figure out why I wanted to wait so long.  I am done school, out of student debt, in a full time career, own a house, car, etc..  I was just scared and nervous.  It also doesn’t help that not even 1 of my good friends have children. I know, shocking at 30.   

SO we finally comprimised and we’d start ttc in the new year.  I started on folic acid and omegas and started really thinking about preparing my body and looking things up and it all got me really excited.  Anyways, through all this talk, and actually thinking about having a child, I came home one day and I said “F it babe, I’m ready. Let’s start trying.”  He was in total shock and couldn’t figure out how I went from 8 months waiting to okay now is good. 

For me, I just needed to start thinking about it and planning for it.  Just that alone made me feel ready and more comfortable with it We tried last month and nothing but now I’m super eager about it and cannot wait!

Post # 9
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@terisa2012:  Aww Im sorry!

@esqbee:  I promise you it will be like no feeling you have ever felt before! its all worth it in the end!! :))

Post # 10
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think there are a number of factors that go into deciding if you’re ready. I also believe there are two kinds of ready: kinda ready and REALLY READY. Before I married my husband, I did NOT want kids. Hated the things, to be honest. But once I married him, it was almost overnight that my view of kids changed. I’ve wanted kids with him since two months after we wed. I couldn’t stop thinking about how sweet he would be holding our baby, and all the little paternal things that he does for me, make me know he’s going to be an awesome father. I also started thinking about how a child would fit into our lives right now. After I daydreamed for several days, months, a year, I mentioned something to him. At first he said, “Not now, we’re just not financially ready.” But a few months later, while we were getting ready one morning, he said, “I’ve been thinking about this baby thing. I think we should try for one–go with the flow–and see what happens.” (His way of saying that he didn’t want me to be a charting/temping nightmare. Once I heard him say that, I knew I was completely ready, and I can not WAIT to bring a baby into this world with my best friend. <-teared up writing this. It’s the TTC hormones.

 

It’s cliche, but once you know, you KNOW!

Post # 12
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I feel exactly the same way – and I’m 16 weeks pregnant. I always figured I’d have kids but never felt that maternal instinct, never really wanted to hold other people’s babies, etc. Well, Darling Husband wanted kids like yesterday and since I was approaching 30 and want to be done having kids by 35, we decided to just go for it even though I didn’t feel completely ready. I still don’t, but I’m starting to get excited about our LO.

Post # 13
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@esqbee:  You described exactly how I was! Once you’re ready, you know. It’s like, “Okay, I’m ready to be a mother now.” And you just feel…different.
I’m thinking this is my lucky month–or at least I hope it is!
And yes, this thread even made ME cry, and I’m not the crying type! Cry

Post # 14
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So interested to hear responses here so commenting.  I’m 26 and in the same boat.  FI is in his early 30’s and wants to TTC right after the wedding. I don’t feel ready though.  However, thikning about it more, I don’t think I’ll ever feel ready!  I don’t even feel like I’m “old enough” to be getting married (despite always having been very mature for my age!)  

From what others tell me, they say they didn’t think they’d ever feel ready either.  They just decided it was “time” and they had the resources so they went for it (and are happy they did!) Our friends tell us if we wait until we are “ready”, we’ll never have kids!

Post # 15
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Thanks for posting this.  I am in a similar boat and we are trying to figure out the when.  I am 32 and have a similar health concern. DH’s job situation is complicated- he is finishing school 80 miles away so we live apart during the week for another 16 months, then he wants to open a business.  If we got pregnant right away, he would commute the last few months, but I am concerned that he won’t be making much money, and it is a little risky.  Add to that, I am just scared and don’t feel ready.  DH thinks that if we wait til things settle down in his career, I will be 35 and he doesn’t want to wait that long due to infertility concerns.  (We want two kids.)  We will see.

I am looking forward to hearing others’ thoughts.  Great topic!

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