When did you tell?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 30
1253 posts
Bumble bee

If and when it happens we will tell my mother right away, hubby and his family don’t get along well so we agreed 19 weeks before telling his side and our friends.

Post # 31
2310 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I also am bursting at the seams. I told my parents a couple weeks ago because i had some bleeding and got nervous. His mom knows and a couple close friends know but my sister, her husband and her kids don’t. There has been drama around that because she is “onto” us and I am ok with her knowing but Darling Husband is dead set against it. ugh! 

Post # 32
1601 posts
Bumble bee

We told my Mom immediately (she’s my best girl friend and she supported me through infertility and IVF). 

We told my Dad, brother, uncle, mother in law, brother in law, and very close friends at 13 weeks.

My Dad would have worried and only knew I went to a fertility clinic to regulate my cycle. My mother in law would have offered to help pay for IVF which we did not want. My Darling Husband wanted to wait to tell his mom. Only my Mom and a few close girlfriends knew about IVF. My Darling Husband wanted to tell his best guy friend for some reason. ๐Ÿ™‚

We have not yet announced on FB, and I am almost 27 weeks. We plan to once baby is born.

If your super close with family and you really want them to know, go for it. Congratulations!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 33
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I lost my first pregnancy at 7.5 weeks. I called my mom in tears to tell her (hey so I’m pregnant and now I’m miscarrying…) because I wanted her support. That was awkward, but she was so sweet and supportive about it. 

It took us 10 more months to get pregnant (I’m 10 weeks now) and I told my parents about a week after we found out, so very early, at about 5 weeks. I told my BFF at the same time. I would want them to know this time if I was suffering a loss.

HOWEVER–here’s my warning to you. My parents know full well I lost my first pregnancy. My mom has been incredibly considerate about that. But, after my 8 week ultrasound when I saw the heartbeat, both my husband and my father went crazy telling people! I never thought the men would be the ones with the big mouths, lol. My husband’s entire work knows already, my dad has told every he knows (luckily my parents are in a different state so I don’t have to face allll those people). I actually told my own boss this week at 10 weeks because I’m afraid he will find out by running into someone in town (like my hubby’s boss) and find out that way. 

I had been really hoping to keep the news quiet until after my 12 week scan and the NT tests. I’m not upset that they spilled the beans a bit early….but if we do suffer any problems this time around, it’s going to be quite miserable to know that everyone knows. 

So yes–tell your family when you’re ready, but also know that everyone has a different view of when it’s “safe” to start telling random people. Sigh. Congrats on your baby!!!

Post # 34
4095 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I told my BFF the day of my BFP because I just couldn’t keep it in. She knew we’d been trying a long time.

My parents we told at about 4W3D, after we saw rising betas (I got my BFP really early, like 3W5D)…his mom we waited until we saw her to tell her in person, which was also after we’d seen the heartbet, so that was about 7 weeks. Then we waited until after 12 to tell the rest of his family. We announced on FB after the NT scan, around 13.5 weeks.

I never regretted telling anyone, but we also never had to un-tell, so it’s hard to say….I vote just do what you feel in your gut is right, and don’t overthink it.  So much of the stiugma around that stuff has been lifted, so try not to make this a point of stress (the deciding when to tell, not the actual pregnancy).

Post # 35
116 posts
Blushing bee

Hmm, looks like my first try didn’t post. I’m not yet TTC, but I’ve been thinking about this too. I’d like to tell my immediate family and a couple of my closest friends early in for their support and advice, but I’m worried because I know my mom will for sure want to tell more people and she’s terrible at keeping secrets. When my ex proposed it was on a vacation, and just after we left for that trip, she posted on Facebook that she couldnt wait for me to return because I would be engaged. So I was not able to announce how and when I wanted, and had I happen to have gone on Facebook during that trip before the proposal, I would have also found out from her. And again, when my brother was planning his surprise proposal for my now SIL, he expressly told her not to tell anyone. She told at least three of her friends. One time I heard her talking to a friend about it and I reminded her she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Her defense was that her friend didn’t know them, so she (my now SIL) wouldn’t find out. But my mom’s friend did work with several of my brither’s friends. I just don’t know if I could trust her not to tell other people. 

Ultimately it should depend on your situation and what you feel most comfortable with. I think I’m going to wait until about 8 weeks for immediate family and a few friends, after 20 or so I’ll allow others to go “public” but I don’t know if I’ll do a formal social media announcement. 

Post # 36
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I remember that initial excitement after I had taken about 7 pregnancy tests to convince myself I was pregnant!  I wanted to tell my mom immediately…I wanted to tell my best friend…. but my husband thought we should wait until we saw the Dr. so he could confirm things.  That appointment was at 10 weeks!  It turned out actually being really sweet just the two of us knowing for those first 10 weeks. I mean anything can happen, so after the initial excitement of the postivie tests I remained pretty calm and didn’t allow myself to get super excited until we started hitting milestones (see the heartbeat, get the genetic resulsts, anatomy scan).  We told his parents and our close friends after the genetic testing which was around 12 weeks.  

Post # 37
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

We found out shortly before we were due to visit my Brother-In-Law and his fiancée – as my not drinking would have been such a giveaway we decided to have a scan just before (at 7 weeks) just to confirm there was a heartbeat. After that we told both our immediate families. 

Like you I was initially chomping at the bit to tell the world. ๐Ÿ˜€ But as time went on and I had my confidence shaken by two occasions of spotting, I started to wish that we would have kept it secret for longer. Not saying that’ll be the case for you at all – I’m just quite private and would prefer to handle a miscarriage between just my husband and me, should it happen. 

In the end all was fine and we gradually told friends and work in “waves”, to use your expression, and ultimately went Facebook-public at around 16 weeks. I’m 32 weeks along now. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 39
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We are VERY close with BOTH families and knew that we would want their support if something were to happen. We told them both around 5 weeks… then we waited to tell anyone else til yesterday at 13.5 weeks!

Post # 41
11 posts
  • Wedding: September 2016

I had an ectopic pregnancy late last year. Told both sets of parents after the diagnosis as we needed the support.

This time (if and when) we won’t tell anyone, including parents, until after 12 week scan is all ok. This is because I wouldn’t want our parents worrying about another ectopic/early loss before letting themselves get excited. I want to go through that anxiety and come out the other side, hopefully with some happy news for them.

Post # 42
600 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been pregnant twice (one baby, one MC). We didn’t tell anyone the first time (mc around 6-7 weeks). We’ve told people about it since then though.ย 

Second time, we told our parents at 8 weeks after my first ultrasound, siblings and friends at 12 weeks and I never made an announcement at work, it became obvious soon enough.ย 

Congrats! ๐Ÿ˜Š

Post # 43
2021 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

anonybee2016 :  we are EXTREMELY close to our immediate families so we told them right away with both pregnancies. I could care less about my extended family so they found out with the rest of the world at 12w. We told close friends pretty early on as well. 

Post # 44
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We told parents the second we found out. With my first child we told the masses at like 8 weeks. I don’t believe in planning for the worst. It sounds so awful to me when people tell pregnant women they shouldn’t tell anyone until 12 weeks “in case you miscarry”. What a horrible thing to say to an excited and scared mom-to-be! Might as well say, “don’t get too excited, your baby might die”. As if you aren’t already freaked out about all of the things that could go wrong. I’m such a worry wart I just cringe every time I see it. I’m glad no one said that to me when I announced.

I waited longer with my second but only because we mailed the announcement in a Valentine’s Day card so we had to wait until Valentine’s day. I found out I was pregnant in early December. We told immediate family at Christmas.

God forbid something happen I’d rather people know. That’s my personal preference though. I love my village and their support in good times and in bad. Others prefer to keep things more private. There is no wrong time. You have to do what makes you guys comfortable. 

Post # 45
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We waited til hcg was doubling and then told parents and super close friends around 5 weeks.  His sister at 6.5 weeks and then 9/10 weeks for my siblings. We announced to extended family at Thanksgiving (12 weeks) and social media at 13.  Our parents knew when we should know from fertility treatments and we wanted their support no matter what. Same with the friends we picked. I knew the ones I told would be incredibly supportive and excited for us, especially on the days I didn’t feel I could be. I’d tell your friend if you think she can be a support like that to you. 

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