- 2 years ago
So, I really need an outsiders perspective on this.
My best friend and I have been friends for almost 10 years. We have been through many things together and we have a very strong bond. But when we first met, I had this intuitive little flash of vision of her and I standing on a mountain and her pushing me off the ledge. I dismissed this imagery as just me being dramatic and ridiculous. The reason of dismissal was because we bonded so quickly and our friendship formed so fast. Around this time, when our friendship was in it’s very early stages, I was dating this guy that I was crazy about and the three of us became friends. Well long story short, one drunken night the guy I was dating admitted to me that they had had sex. The way he described it was she had invited him out, picked him up and as soon as he got into her car she began being very forward with him and one thing led to another. She denied this and her boyfriend at the time told me they were together that night, but the timeframe my ex gave me made sense that it happened in the early evening. There were also other revealing details he gave that made me believe him. Being that I was so young, naive and my self-esteem was nil, I forgave her. She never admitted it happened and we never discussed it again. Our friendship continued on and got a lot deeper and we have had some great times. I’ve been there for her and she’s been there for me definitely and I believe she’s a good person. But there is always a gut intuition with her that something is ‘off’. She’ll tell me things drunkenly, things I had no idea about her and it’s almost as if she has a secret life that she wants to hide from people. Not even big things, almost small things. It’s kind of hard to explain. Well, I saw on Facebook recently that she had been hanging out with my ex she may or may not have slept with back in the day. She says their is nothing on between them, but I know that’s not the case. I am trying to process my feelings about this, because it’s kind of a jumble. I am with a guy I love dearly and wouldnt trade for the world and have zero feelings for my ex so it’s not jealousy. I think it’s mostly my friend is doing something and hiding it from me and that’s hurtful. But I don’t know if it’s irrational of me to be upset about this or if I should just move on because she has proven herself to be a great friend to me when I needed it the most. And if she IS hiding it from me, I think it might be because she doesnt want to hurt me. How should I approach this?? Because it’s weighing on me and I don’t want to hold on to a grudge especially if it’s a silly grudge.