(Closed) When do you decide to cut friends out of your life permanently

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry that you are going through this. Don’t give up on the friendships yet though, because it’s possible that they just didn’t see the facebook update. Why don’t you try telling them yourself and see how they react.

Post # 4
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Are you basing this soley off of facebook? Because I mean… facebook has a weird format now where people’s posts don’t always show up for you. So maybe a lot of them haven’t seen your status update (they could also be like me and forget that facebook exists 90% of the time). If you don’t feel like being friends anymore, delete them as facebook friends and just don’t call. They’ll get the message. You don’t need to have some big gesture to tell someone they’re not wanted as a friend anymore… it’d be one thing if you were trying to end a toxic friendship, but people you aren’t currently speaking to/spending time with? Just let it fade off.

I will say, it’s really hard to judge how a person feels about you by facebook or phone contact. Like you said, they’ve all got their own lives and you did move away and lose touch for a while. It does suck that they haven’t reached out to you in 6 months, but have you reached out to any of them? I have this argument with my Fiance a lot because he doesn’t always realize that sometimes you have to initiate things when someone else isn’t. Sometimes all it takes is a single phone call or friendly FB message to open up the door again. Many people just aren’t good at keeping up relationships, and it sucks because there is so much room for hurt like you’re experiencing now. I just would like to hope that they aren’t being bad friends, just forgetful people.

I’m sorry you’ve been going through such a rough time. Hopefully you can continue the healing process safely and soundly.

Post # 5
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Give it a little time… it’s still pretty recent since you’ve gone through a big change in your life.  What you did took a lot of courage and is something most people cannot do!  You probably feel like doing “spring cleaning” with your life, but it would probably be better to wait a little while til the dust settles.  Maybe some of your friends are at a loss for what to say.  Plus, facebook isn’t the greatest at showing updates in the newsfeeds sometimes so they may have missed it.  I know you’re going through a lot, but know that you’re a very strong person to have made the decision you did!!  

Post # 6
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If it hurts you that much, then yeah! Remove them! However, it may cause drama that may hurt you in the long run even more. Have you ever seen that show secretly pregnant? There was a girl on there in the same situation. She didn’t know how to tell her friends that the baby she was supposed to deliver turned out to be a stillborn… She posted in on Facebook and none of her group of close friends commented on it or contacted her. When she brought it up with them later, they all had a huge cry (she had to initiate a meeting) and just said they didn’t know how to console her which is why they never contacted her. She then revealed that she was pregnant again and they are all now very supportive. I kind of feel like you can’t really expect a response from Facebook, you have to approach them directly to get support when it is something serious like that. But like you say, if this has happened in the past, it may not be worth your time, may hurt you even more when you are already at a time in your life when you are hurting.

Post # 7
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@ananeele: Have you reached out to them at all since moving home? I have a lot of friends who have just drifted apart for one reason or another. Between work, relationships, buying homes, planning weddings, etc. sometimes friendships get put on the back burner. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you, but maybe they feel that since you haven’t reached out to them, then they wont reach out to you?

Honestly, if a friend I havent talked to in a year+ had ended a relationship, I’m not sure I would reach out to them. I feel like it’s a really private issue.

 

Post # 9
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ananeele: It’s clear what you want to do, so I’d agree with jocember about just letting the friendships fade away.

Post # 10
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, but have you made any effort to contact them? I mean, maybe they think the same about you – that you haven’t contacted them in a year, so you probably have moved on and don’t want anything to do with the friendship. If you have contacted them, that’s another story I suppose. But it’s kind of a two-way street with these things. Maybe just try giving a couple of them a call and say, let’s get coffee and catch up.

Post # 12
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

I am on FB probably about once every 2 weeks.  I miss A LOT of stuff.  I figure if it is important, people will contact me to tell me and not rely on social media. 

Post # 13
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I had a similar situation, going to school with people who started to drift away just cause we didn’t have classes together. I didn’t contact them to tell them I cut them off my life, I just moved on. I still have some of them on FB but I don’t contact them or consider them for celebrations or even my wedding, is just that I don’t usually defriend people on fb.

Post # 13
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@ananeele: Maybe try reaching out to them one on one? Offer to go grab a drink or do lunch.

If you are inviting them to these things via facebook, you cant take it personally. A lot of my friends never check facebook.

Post # 15
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ananeele: I have had to let friends go, but that was because they did something horrible (like lying a friend raped them….caused serious problems)

However, if you have tried to get in contact with them and they do not care enough to respond, then yes I would move them from friend to acquaintence and move on with life

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