Post # 1
I’ll try and keep this as short as possible.
My Fiance and i did our regsitry last week. We picked out a set of china that we both really like and put it on there, but his parents have already mentioned buying all 10 of the place settings for us as our wedding gift.
We were at my parents house this weekend and my mom mentioned that they had their whole 12-place-setting china set, plus casserole dish, bowls, creamer and sugar bowl, etc from their wedding that they have never used. She said we could have the whole set if we wanted it. My mom uses china that she inherited from her great grandmother, so this has sat unused since their wedding 30 years ago. Its not our #1 choice but its VERY beautiful, tasteful, good name brand and I would be happy with it for sure. Thats also about $1500 his parents could spend on something else we would need (since we dont have a house, we need A LOT!).
I told my Fiance I would really like to take it – not only from the money saving aspect (which is a joke in and of itself since he is in finance and a total budget junkie, me not so much) but also because of the emotional tie of it and ALSO because we will 99% inherit it in the next few decades so there is no point in having 2 huge sets of good China.
His response? “Ok then. But I really like the stuff we picked out 🙁 “
What do I say to that? Do I continue fighting for it, because to me it just makes sense, or do I drop it even thought I’m pretty hurt? I love my parents, we are SO close and I would be honoured to have their wedding China, and I am pretty sad he doesn’t even recognize this.
Please help, hive. 🙁 Am I over reacting?
Post # 3
I definitely agree with choosing your battles, and i think this is one that you should pick. Does he know that this would have sentimental value to you? I think its cooler to recieve china from someone thats being passed down than to go buy all new stuff. And if thats saving money, I think it makes sense. Even if he’s not super happy with it, 5 years from now I would imagine he isn’t going to hold that against you. I think as long as its not horribly hideous, than go for your mom’s china!
Post # 4
It seems he is recognizing it – he agreed instead of saying “Aw, I want to keep the set we picked out”.
I’m in a somewhat similar situation, my FI’s grandmother’s set was offered to us by his aunt – and it’s lovely and all but not at all my style – I was and am thrilled to accept it but I’d be lying if I said I don’t have a little bit of 🙁 and sadness that I don’t get to pick something I really like. The sentimental value is worth it (if it was just a matter of money I’d definitely get my own china) but the feeling of ‘damn’ is totally valid too. So he expressed some sadness but agrees with you. 🙂 It’s a win. Take the china but don’t be hard on him for liking what you picked out.
Post # 5
Well, I told him I wanted to take it and he said “No, I really like the stuff we picked out 🙁 ” and when I explained why – emotional, logistical and # reasons his response was just “Ok then”. So I guess that is somewhat him agreeing, but very obiously NOT happy about it. The lack of support/acknowledgement to my feelings makes me sad, but also I know that if it had come from his parents he would be ALL over it.
And I totally agree, if the China was ugly and totally not my style I would have said thanks but no thanks. I am not a flowery girl at all, but this is plain ivory china with light baby blue flowers (baby blue is my fav colour) around the edge and silver edges. The stuff we picked out? Ivory with silver edges…so not THAT different.
I guess its not so much a battle since he HAS agreed – I just want it to be china that he likes too, I don’t like wedding decisions like this to be one-sided which it not seems it is.
Post # 6
Is there something that he has been wanting that you aren’t too thrilled about? Maybe you can “give in” on that (as long as it’s not too crazy!). That way you both can feel like you are gaining something.