(Closed) When do you know you're ready for a baby, damnit?!

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I want to have children some day (if we can) but know we’re not in the right place currently with jobs/house/etc, Darling Husband is in the definite No camp right now. But sometimes he comes out with not yet.

The more time I spend around small children, the more I want to have friends to have them, as then I can play then give them back…

There is no perfect time, but think there are more right times than others

Post # 3
Member
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

For us, besides the obvious of finances and stable careers, it’s a lot about doing all the things we want to do before having kids (mostly traveling) and being ready to give up our current lifestyle of sleeping in, being able to go on a last minute weekend get away, basically not having another human to be responsible for. A lot of people focus on being financially prepared (which is absolutely important) but you have to be mentally/emotionally prepared as well. We aren’t there yet so we won’t be TTC for at least another couple of years. We decided to evaluate our timeline for having kids in 2018, we might be ready to try then but we also might want to wait longer.

Post # 4
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

How old are you? We’re stable but waiting a few more years till I’m 32ish to start. Life changes in every way, every moment, sleeping and waking,  irreversibly with kids and I’d rather enjoy the DINK life and save as much as possible then rush into it because I’m antsy to jump to the next life phase. There’s no jumping back. If we married at 35 or something we’d start immediately though, for fertility reasons.

Post # 5
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

hikingbride :  100% agree. Being ready emotionally/mentally is so important although it may feel like you will never be ready. I was nervous up until my Dear Daughter arrived in this world but knowing we both wanted kids, all our friends having kids and being 31 started the ball rolling for us.

We both had stable careers, a house and had travelled quite a bit (there will always be more adventures I want to go on). We didn’t save at all but in Canada having a baby and the first couple years there is really not many expenses. We are saving more than ever now because we go out less.

Post # 8
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

The mentally and emotionally stability is a huge factor playing into when I am ready to have kids (husband is all on board with having them right now). We are almost 26 and 28 so we have time and would like to do more things before having kids (like travel, sleep in etc.) but it’s a question that I continually think about.  

We have stable jobs (but I’m not sure if I want to find another job or start my own business), our own house and have travelled (along with having plans to travel next year). 

Post # 10
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

happyhappywife :  The main catalyst for me, was the passing of my very beloved Grandmother in February. It really hit me hard and had me begging the question, “what are we doing on this planet if we aren’t giving back?” So, I quit my job and started working for a nonprofit that I’m very passionate about, and we decided the time was right for TTC. Sure, we have a few more bucket list items, but a lot of them are travel related and would be awesome to share as a family. 

Also, as selfish as this sounds, our senior dogs won’t be with us forever… I need something to squish up on everyday besides Darling Husband ๐Ÿ˜‰

Whatever you decide for you is the right thing. Let life happen, and the decision will become clear. 

Post # 11
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

Darling Husband and I have taken control of our finances this year and have managed to pay off a few loans and our only credit card, and have a good amount in savings so far. I also switched my job and we bought a “family” vehicle all within the past 6 months.

That being said, Darling Husband isn’t ready. I know he isn’t. He likes the DINK life right now. Our original plan was to start TTC now, but since he’s not ready I told him we should hold off and re-evaluate in a few months so that he doesn’t feel pressured to make a decision because once we start, there’s no going back. (We will be 28 and 31 in December). 

It’s been hard though, because I’m definitely ready. Like yesterday, we went to a birthday party for our friend’s kid (he turned 4) and we were the only couple there with no kids, or weren’t expecting. There were lots of babies, and I could feel my ovaries aching! haha. Of course, we kept getting the questions of “when are you guys gonna have kids” (Most of our friends are well into their 30s and are in the process of having their 2nd kid now) and I sat there and tried so hard not to cry!! ๐Ÿ™

Post # 12
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m in the same boat. I keep hoping sometime between now and when we’ve decided it will have to be “time” one way or another my brain will wake up and go ‘yes, we’re finally ready.’ I do have some realistic checkboxes to tick such as getting married, getting my career in a good place, and moving to a bigger place, but I’m a little doubtful that I’ll wake up in, say, Fall 2017 if all those things have happened like “totally prepared now!” It’s hard, because I genuinely enjoy my life as it is now, and thinking about changing it (even though I really want kids) is a little nervewracking.

I’m hoping that having picked a firm date (after Labor Day in 2018) will help my brain transition and feel ready, but ymmv.

Post # 13
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

happyhappywife :  I’m not a religious or spiritual person at all, but this is just the way it was. I just had a feeling that it was time. I was so impatient and felt like I couldn’t wait any longer, but I couldn’t really explain why. I didn’t care about events coming up, or that we’d have to adjust our lifestyle for our son. I just knew it was time. Now (DS is 8 months), I get why. We were waiting on him. That sounds so cheesy, I know, but it really is the only way I can explain it. Now that he’s here, I’m perfectly content and happy. I don’t feel like anything is missing like I did before. 

Post # 14
Hostess
3893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

What worked best for me was getting pregnant accidentally at 18 ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰ 

For real, you’re never ready, you’re never prepared, there’s never a correct amount of money. Just jump in. The Universe will present the path to you. 

Post # 15
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

For us, it was kind of a “It’s now or never!”, because the timing is right. I graduate in December and I’ll have about a year and a half until I get to start my career (long story). I just turned 27 and we both always thought that was a good age to have a kid, we have a house, have a dog and a cat, have retirement accounts and savings to pull from, we’ve traveled… logically everything is in place. 

Emotionally, however, has been less stable for me. I had my IUD removed a couple of days ago so I guess we are officially TTC. I have been excited to the point where I stay up until the wee hours of the morning looking up a bunch of baby shit online and then terrified to where I wonder if I should go pick up a pack of condoms lol! 

Change is ALWAYS scary, especially this magnitude. I have been with my husband for 11 years and my biggest fear is that our relationship will weaken when we have a baby. He has fears that he won’t be a good enough dad. Everyone has hestitations and things they worry about. I think if you talk about them with your spouse, acknowledge the fear, and support each other then that’s all you can do during the TTC stage. 

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