When do you know you're ready to have a baby?

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I wish I could answer this, but I’m in the same boat as you. I’m 29 and feel like my clock is ticking, but the thought of having a baby right now stresses me out more than excites me. The thing is I know I do want children, but I still feel like a a kid myself sometimes and have to remind myself I’m almost 30. I keep hoping for a “this is your time!” epiphany but I don’t know if that’s ever going to come.

Post # 3
Member
2591 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

edobbs87 :  I’m also 30, and my desire to have a child waxes and wanes. The way I know I’ll be ready is when the thought of losing my sleeping doesn’t make me cry and when the thought of not having a baby of my own does make me cry. 

Post # 5
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

edobbs87 :  “Advanced maternal age” is 35 and older. Nothing like that kind of term to make you feel old! Basically at that age, your risk for birth problems starts to increase.

You still have plenty of time.

Post # 6
Member
8126 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

edobbs87 :  I know it’s not a helpful answer, but you just sort of know and even then you’re probably still a little nervous about it. And if you’ve been preventing for a long time the first few times you do try for a baby you feel like you’re doing something wrong lol. I had a moment of “OMG you didn’t pull out and I’m off the pill! oh…oh wait…yea that’s the point. Sorry honey”

As for ticking clocks – some women struggle in their 20s and others have zero problems in their 40s. Sometimes the guy has issues so even if you’re perfect you’ll still need help. There is no way to know for sure until you try. 

Post # 7
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

For me, I knew I eventually wanted a baby. My husband is on the older side so I didn’t want to wait too long so we just went for it. I didn’t feel really ready and freaked out when we got a positive test. I still can’t believe I have a two year old. I really don’t think I ever would have felt ready. 

Post # 8
Member
2989 posts
Sugar bee

When we thought I might be pregnant, and had a negative test. I knew after I was incredibly disappointed that even with how freaky it is, ultimately it’s what I wanted. Luckily, DH’s ticker has been in overdrive for the better part of a year, he was just waiting for me to catch up. 

Post # 9
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Honestly I never had a strong urge but when we got married at 33 I knew I didn’t have a lot of time and I did feel like I wanted a family eventually and we were financially stable and had a house, so we just went for it. Even though I never had a super strong desire, I love my daughter more than anything. 

Post # 10
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

if you are not ready, it’s ok. 

i knew.  we are early/mid 30’s when we got married and wanted to start right away.  it ended up taking us 2 years and IVF to have DS.  the first few months were tough, i think i cried every day for the first 12 weeks.  but then 4 months was a turn around and at 6 months i was having baby fever again.  we started fertility treatment when DS was 1 year and now we are expecting #2.

 

Post # 11
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

I never had a strong desire and never wanted children. But when I got pregnant, I was a little fascinated with having a mini me version of myself – to be able to influence and affect another human being on such a magnificent level…so for me, the reasons were a bit more head based than heart based. I don’t think you always have to have a ‘strong desire’. But, if you absolutely have a strong desire NOT to be a parent at all, I would never encourage it.

Post # 12
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

edobbs87 :  I’m 26, married for a year and some change, and if it accidentally happened tomorrow, we’d be ecstatic. But I’m not ready to stop taking my birth control and start actively trying, despite the fact that I’m in a constant state of baby fever. We’re both excited for that next step, but we want to do a few more things before that time comes, which should be sometime next year. We just got back from Bermuda and had an amazing time. There’s no way we could have done everything we did (horseback riding, snorkeling, kayaking) with a baby in tow. I’m not ready to give that up just yet. Next year we plan on going to Europe and then I’ll be fine with more child-friendly trips moving forward. I’m also unhappy in my current job and actively looking, so I want to establish myself in  my new role before dipping out on maternity leave… The struggle. I think when you’re ready, it just hits you. Or you get pregnant and you get ready along the way. 

Post # 13
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Akron, OH

I always wondered the same thing. I never thought one day I would wake up and want children, but the past few weeks it just kinda happened. My husband and I have been actively saving up to purchase land and a build our house. It may be putting the cart before horse, but since our ducks are getting in a row it just made sense that I’d be wanting kids soon. We’re still waiting though for a couple more years, then we will probably start trying in my early 30’s. 

Post # 14
Member
42 posts
Newbee

I’m 36 and have been TTC for a few cycles now, but I still don’t reaaally feel like I want a baby, lol. I’ve never been a huge baby person, and I love livin the DINK lifestyle with my husband. The reason we’re TTC is that it sort of crept up on us that we love our lives and each other so much, we want to share it all with another family member… so now, even though I’m not really feeling baby crazy, TTC does feel like the right decision for us. I spent the other 99% of my life feeling meh about having children, though, so here is one voice at least telling you not to fret too much, OP – when the right time comes, you’ll know.

Post # 15
Member
27 posts
Newbee

edobbs87 :  I would say I’m mentally/emotionally ready, but not financially. Darling Husband and I got our first house in March of this year and just got married in June. My parents and sister expected us to be ready right away because we dated for 4 1/2 years before getting engaged/moving in together. I feel like I will feel better about TTC when I get closer to 30. Darling Husband will be 35. My aunt had her twins at 35 and my uncle was 45. I think that we all still get a little scared once we hit or are close to the 30 year mark because people always try to scare you into thinking it’s almost too late. 

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