Post # 1
When I’m at a bar and a man comes up to me, who I don’t know and whose friends I don’t know, I tell him immediately that I have a boyfriend. If he asks to buy me a drink, I just say “Sorry, I have a boyfriend, but thanks.” Even if he just tries to start a “normal” conversation I tell him I have a boyfriend- because men don’t go up to women in bars for any reason other than to flirt! I’m not being cocky- just telling it like it is. I’ve never heard of a man approaching a strange woman just to be “friends”.
But for some reason, this is seen as strange whenever I say this. The men are always like “Woah, don’t flatter yourself, I was just getting you a drink to be friendly.” It’s obviously BS, but even my female friends regularly give men their numbers, and even pretend not to have boyfriends just because there’s “no harm in flirting.” Some of them talk to men for hours without mentioning they have boyfriends, but then tell them at the end of the night. What do YOU do?
Post # 3
@anon00: I am so bad about this. The older I get, the less I like…the masses. If I am not interested in interacting with a complete stranger, I just tell him straight-up. So, when I go out and someone:
- tries to hit on me/strike up conversation, I just tell him I am not interested.
- asks me to dance, I tell him I am not interested.
- asks me for my number, I tell him I don’t give it out (and if he insists, he gets the reject hotline).
- insists on buying me a drink, I take the drink and then tra la la on back to my friends. 😀
Post # 4
@MlleFabuleux: lol @ tra la la. hilarious!
I don’t know why my friends find this so weird! I just don’t want to waste the poor guy’s time, plus I don’t want my SO to come out of the bathroom and see me already entrenched in chat with another guy. He’s very gender-egalitarian, so most likely he wouldn’t blame the guy for talking to me, he’d blame me for being disrespectful to him.
Post # 5
I said talk for a little bit and mention SO early on but that’s not entirely correct. I don’t think it’s “ok” to flirt (at least for my relationship). But if a man starts a normal conversation I may say hi for a few minutes and then find a way to slip away/say “cool nice to meet you” and leave or w.e…I don’t use my Boyfriend or Best Friend “as an excuse” for not continuing the convo, I just make it known that I’m done talking.
If they literally walk up like Hey you’re very pretty can I buy you a drink, I just say no thanks. I usually don’t mention my Boyfriend or Best Friend actually but I also do not continue to talk and or accept drinks.
I mention my Boyfriend or Best Friend more to people I meet in more daytime settings, people I do have friends in common with. For example even if they are just being friendly in a coffee shop or some event, I may mention my Boyfriend or Best Friend in a “oh I went there with my BF” or w.e just to have it out there. I don’t think my SO does this last part but he doesn’t converse with strangers in bars for long.
Not starting a rant but I look at it as, if you wouldn’t be ok with your Boyfriend or Best Friend flirting and buying a girl drinks, then how come you are ok accepting them? Just because it’s a more passive behavior doesn’t mean you aren’t participating and I just find it strange. No offense to anyone!
Post # 6
I do the “sorry I’m not interested” line right away. Or sometimes just tell them “i’m here for a night with the girls! No boys tonight!” and leave. If they keep pressuring, I tell them I have a Fiance. Before the ring I would just say, but now I like to make it very obvivious that there’s a ring on my finger, talking with my hands, itching my arm and stuff.
Post # 7
I give the cold shoulder and shut him down immediately. Whether I’m taken or not, I have no interest in striking up a friendship with random guys who walk up to me.
Post # 8
@anon00: I am a blurter. I am also extremely proud of my SO. Everyone who meets me knows instantly I am with someone.
I never give out my number to strangers. People have to earn that.
And I don’t flirt with other men not because I am a prude, but because I am satisfied with my Fiance enough that I don’t need to go anywhere else to feel desired. I know I am desirable….I have a man to prove it! He’ll tell you! LOL.
Post # 9
I don’t even use the Fiance card…if a man walks up to me in that way I just look at him and say “NO…walk away.” Yeah I’m crazy!! Haha!!
Post # 10
what paula1248 said. TBH I’m really never in bars without Darling Husband, but the few times I am I just…don’t make eye contact with dudes. They don’t really approach me anymore- the first few years we were married they would, and I would smile awkwardly and turn away. I dunno, not that there’s anything wrong with talking to other guys, but I have just never wanted to once I got with my man, you know?
Post # 11
I have turned around and showed them my hand, LOL.
I am sorry, but the music is loud and I don’t appreciate it when a man starts dancing with you before even introducing himself. Rude much?
Post # 12
Eh. In our relationship, we don’t mind the other getting their flirt on. So I’ll take and give the harmless flirting and if I’m offered a drink, I will inform them I’m engaged/taken (has only happened once since the ring went on) but if they insist anyway, I’ll take the drink. I gave them fair warning and if they still wanna waste their money on me, why not! We usually just end up having conversation and dancing anyway.
Post # 13
For me, it doesn’t happen in bars. It happens when I’m on transit on my way to/from work, when I’m walking around grocery stores etc. I tell them right away as soon as they show any interest other than directions or the time or whatnot.
I had one guy on the subway who started talking to be on the subway, and I told him I had a boyfriend. He said he was just trying to make friends. Since he seemed harmless and (I hate to stereotype) like he may have a mental handicap, I decided to be friendly. However, every time he saw me fter that, he would try holding my hands or whatnot. The last time I saw him, my boyfriend actually was meeting me at the station to go to my parents’ home, and the subway man saw me kiss another man, and stopped talking to me, but continued to stare at me and SO on the bus level. Awkward.
Post # 14
I’m not sure what kinds of bars you hang out in, but I’ve been to plenty of places where a guy sits down and strikes up a conversation not because he’s flirting, but because he’d like to have a conversation. I travel a LOT for work and I pass a lot of evenings having a drink in a bar, and I’ve had a lot of conversations with strangers–male and female– that were just that: conversations. Some of these conversations lasted for hours, and sometimes the stranger bought me a drink, and sometimes I bought them a drink. And yes a couple of times the stranger tried to flirt (and I shut it down). But more often, they just wanted to talk about the hockey game.
Automatically assuming a man is only interested in one thinks is kind of a narrow view on the world!
Post # 15
I guess maybe because I assume most people aren’t flirting with me, I dont really “shut anyone down” for striking up a conversation with me. Not trying to be all “woe is me” but I’m not exactly gorgeous, so I don’t just don’t make the connection with people being attracted tom or trying to pick me up. Sometimes people just want to chat, say hi, etc… No?
If I really thought someone was actually flirting (lol!) I’d probably just say “well, it was really nice meeting with you, have a fun night”
Post # 16
Every time my (also engaged) best friend and I go out for a girls’ night at a bar, some guys end up talking to us (we’re both tall and look like we might be sisters, plus she’s supermodel thin and gorgeous). Whether or not our relationship status comes up, it never ends with them asking for our numbers. Maybe it’s just how you (not you specifically, OP) conduct yourself, but we tend to avoid acting coy whatsoever, and instead challenge them in conversation. Usually they stop trying to woo us and instead just stick around to chat. If a guy starts talking to us with a witty remark or joke instead of a classic pickup, it doesn’t have to turn into an interaction that is all about picking us up unless we let it. On the other hand, if a guy is outright stupid or pulls an obvious pick-up attempt right away, acting disinterested and shooing him away does the job. Don’t want to give him the impression that being taken is the only reason that approach doesn’t work.
Mind you, I’m talking about the type of bar where you can grab a tiny table and have a couple drinks and an appetizer. Not a place where the music is too loud to hear and people are packed in like sardines. Totally different story, and you’d be correct that no guy goes to a place like that to chat with a girl.