When do you think you're "too old" to try for a baby?

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
600 posts
Busy bee

peegee :  I had my first at 33 (but took almost 3 years to get and stay pregnant), and 37 is my cutoff too. We’ll likely start trying when I’m 35 as well. 

Post # 32
Member
2930 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My mental cutoff is 35.  I’m 31 and just got married last month.  If it were completely up to my husband, I’d already be pregnant.  He’s 35 and he feels really old, and I know he keeps comparing himself to his dad, who was done having kids by his age (DH is one of 5).  We’ve compromised and decided to start trying this fall, although I hate to say it, I’m not in a big hurry.  I totally thought I would be done having kids by the age of 30; I had not anticipated getting married at age 31.  But now that I am, I just want to enjoy it being us a little bit longer.

Don’t worry, OP.  You have plenty of time to figure it out.

Post # 33
Member
4994 posts
Honey bee

TwinkleBoss :  We’re going to try when I’m about 36/37. I’m actually also paranoid about that too but I can’t help that I met my husband later. I think if it like this (and I used to be a fence sitter too) since we’re fence sitters we can try and when it happens its meant to be. If not it’s not meant to be. But I think you need to give yourself time rushing is never the way to make any life decision.

Most of my friends had and are having theirs in mid thirties. Many of us graduated college during an economic downturn. It was the time to find a job and health insurance. Not a time to have a family. Obviously this isn’t everyone. But for many it was hard to get the career going when no one was even hiring let alone moving on up. 

I say you know yourself best. How do you imagine life with kids? Do you feel excited? Fear is normal. Everyone is freaked out at first. Don’t go by how much you like kids that are strangers because not everyone can handle say a classroom of children. For me, I imagine the relationship once the child has grown up and has become an adult. I don’t want to miss out on that. 

Post # 34
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I had my first at 25 and my second at 28. In my circle, that was very, very young. 

I’m now 37 and getting married in 4 months. While having another child is an unlikely choice for us, i definitely feel my body would be up to the task.

I think having kids up to early 40’s is no biggie. My grandmothers both had babies in their 40’s, my paternal grandmother had her last child (#14) at 48, when she was already a grandmother.

And there are pros and cons both to being a younger mother and to being an older mom.

My ex sister in law swore she never wanted to be a mom, hit 40, did a complete 180, and got pregnant with twins.

Bottom line: you have lots of time to figure this out. 

Post # 35
Member
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I personally hope to be done by 35, but if things take longer then that’s ok too. We’ll start TTC next year when I’ll be 30, and I’d like to have 2! 

Post # 36
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’ve always said I wanted to be done before 35, just because that’s when OBs consider your “advanced maternal age” to be a factor, and they do more screenings/worry more about your eggs. Because I would love to have 3 kids or more, we started trying a few months after I turned 28, and it happened really quickly so I just had our first baby two months ago, a couple of weeks before my 29th birthday.  

Honestly though, the only reason I am trying to finish having kids before 35 is because I’m in a good position to do it, so I figure if I CAN be done by then, why not try. I’ve been with my husband for almost 13 years. We’ve been married for 2.5 years. We have steady jobs, a house, and felt like we could handle a baby now. If any of those factors weren’t in place and I didn’t feel ready, I wouldn’t have felt any pressure to rush it. I know TONS of people who have had uncomplicated pregnancies and healthy babies in their late thirties. Almost all of my friends who intend to have kids have said that they aren’t even thinking about babies until after 30. I think it’s smart that you’re considering your options and everything, but I really don’t think you need to be stressing about this now! Have a glass of wine and relax. You’re good!

Post # 37
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Personally I’d rather still be somewhere in my 30s, and that leaves you OVER TEN YEARS to decide! There’s no way 30 is the ‘cut off’ point. You really don’t need to be going into a ‘panic and fear’ spiral. A lot of people at 28 haven’t even met someone they want to have a baby with.

Post # 38
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m 26 now and newly married. We’re gonna ttc within the next year and have given ourselves until 35 to have 3 children. That’s the goal anyway. I have two close friends who’ve had IVF, one successful, one still not. And both of them and their husbands are all under 30. I don’t think waiting should be something you do unnecessarily.  I also know that if I waited and struggled to get pregnant, I’d regret it forever.

 

Post # 39
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I had to have a hysterectomy at 40. The thought that I’d need one hadn’t even been  a consideration at 30 or even 35. I’d caution not to assume that you have a decade or more to have kids. Luckily, I had my kids in my 20’s. So, I’m not super concerned that that part of my life is over. You probably need to figure things or in the next 5 years, realistically. 

Post # 40
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d say for a woman if she got pregnant at 45 or later I’d be side-eyeing it

Post # 41
Member
6508 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

My personal cut-off was 40, but that was simply a matter of personal comfort. I actually had my three children right around age 30 (29, 32, 34). Many women have more difficulty getting pregnant after age 40, although that is definitely not universal and LOTS of women conceive after 40 without any intervention.

More importantly, though, is that you should not feel pressured to have children before you feel ready for them. And if you never become ready, that’s okay, too. Have children when you are ready and when you want them, not because you feel you have to beat some imaginary clock. 

Post # 42
Member
6272 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m pregnant now. Baby due shortly around my 40th birthday. Husband is 42. First pregnancy/baby for us both so we had no information on our fertility. We started ttc after our wedding. Got pregnant on 4th cycle. 

We are both active, eat well and id not been on any chemical birth control for 15+ years and I have good regular problem free periods. I don’t know how much these things were factors in getting pregnant quickly. 

It was scary not knowing if we were ‘past it’. We just had to try and see. 

It just so happened we didn’t meet until later in life. Ideally, if we had a crystal ball it would be nice to have more time just us but due to our ages and not knowing if we were fertile or not, we got on with trying asap after our wedding (biologically we should have started ttc as soon as we knew we were committed to each other but we wanted to have a baby after marriage so took precautions to avoid pregnancy until our wedding) 

pregnancy has been great. No problems. We knew we had greater risk of certain issues so we paid for early nifty testing (not done on NHS here in uk you have to pay privately). We chose this to have early knowledge of any issues that can possibly be detected. 

Now im pregnant and happy I wouldn’t change a thing. My 30s have been a brilliant decade and I’m glad I got to experience them not being married or with kids. Of course as years went by I worried I’d not meet the right person. It’s all worked out well so I know there’s lots of scary stuff about falling fertility but with the huge benefit of hindsight I would say to my 28 year old self- don’t be in a hurry and really make the most of the next 10 years kid free. 

Post # 43
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You have plenty of time! 35 is considered advanced maternal age, but my gestalt is that 40 is pushing it to try for the first baby. 

Post # 44
Member
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You really need to chill. You have lots of time. My personal cut off would be 38, I think. But that’s just me. I had my first at 32 and my second a week ago at 35. My age never worried me in the least. 

Post # 45
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

TwinkleBoss :  I’d at least go get your fertility hormones tested you so at least know what your ovarian reserve/function is. That will at least give you a ballpark idea of how long you really have to decide if you want a baby. 

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