(Closed) When does it become inappropriate for a brother & sister to share a room?

posted 9 years ago in Parenting
Post # 32
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Meh. If there’s space, no need to share rooms. If they have the money to split rooms, then they should. But I know lots of people who bunked with a sibling of the opposite sex well past the age some of you are suggesting because of lack of money and nothing inappropriate happened besides wanting more space. I don’t think it’s inappropriate…just not ideal.

Post # 33
1747 posts
Bumble bee

@UpstateCait:  I think sharing a room in childhood is fine. The cut off is around 10ish, then it becomes odd.

Post # 34
9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I was one of 3 kids and in our old house, we all had to share a room for quite a long time. I finally got my own room around age 10. I mean, it’s nice if you can grow up in your own room but plenty of people make do without it. I think kids who grow up in a big family don’t think twice about sharing space, clothes, food, music, shoes. It’s just how it is for some kids!

Post # 35
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

When siblings are not the same sex i think by age of ten(eldest sibling) they should be no longer

Sharing a bedroom. By age 12 or 13 it is wrong to be sharing a bedroom. I think by that age they are entitled to their own space. Unfortunately not every family can afford a home where all children have their own bedroom.Or they have a really large family and most homes are 3 or 4 bedrooms.

Post # 36
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

DH and his two sister shared a room (yes, all three in one room!) until they were about 10 or so. they renovated during that time to finally each have their own room. he said more than being weird, it was just an issue of not having space for your own stuff.

Post # 37
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

At my dad’s house I never had my own room and always shared with my stepsister. At my mums I got my own room when I was 12, before that I shared with my sister. I think it’s fine for opposite sex siblings to share rooms until the oldest hits puberty, after that they should have their own room or share with a same sex sibling. I don’t think every child needs their own room though, if you teach your children to be respectful of each other then they will be able to share without much hassle. We are planning on building a 4 bedroom house and having 4 kids, they will share rooms, but we will try to give them their own room when they are in their final years of highschool so they can study in peace.

Post # 38
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If there’s space for each kid to have their own room, then I’m all for it and I’d think it’d be strange if they both stayed in the same room when they had other options. However, I grew up one of 4 kids in a 2 bedroom house for a long time. Other than being cramped, it wasn’t a big deal. There was no weird ‘vibe’ or anything (that’s what I’m getting out of this post, anyway, like ‘when is it sexually inappropriate?’). Even now when we come home we pile 3 or 4 kids into a room, just do to space.

If there’s some sort of sexual worry, then I’d call in authorities. But if it’s just an issue of no space and $$ and it’s a ‘normal family’ (i.e. no abuse worries), it’s no big deal in my book. Hang a partition. Like 

View original reply
@sexxysheddy: said, people used to raise LARGE families in one room houses. Kids kept being born and the siblings didn’t get together.

Post # 39
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

When both of my parents went back to grad school, we moved into a tiny apartment, and I had to share a room with all of my siblings. There were three of us girls and one boy, and I was the oldest at 11 when we moved into that room, and we stayed there for three years. It was certainly very cramped and by no means ideal (we had two bunkbeds and used to call it the prison cell – very apropos), but we survived and had a ton of fun together in that room. As others have said, sometimes giving each child their own room simply isn’t a possibility, and you have to make do. And sharing a room can be a really positive experience for kids.

Post # 40
2738 posts
Sugar bee

Ehn, well, this is such a first world problem. I grew up in Africa. Many many friends shared a room with their siblings until they went off to college (16-18). Many people could not afford it. Anyhow, now my siblings have their own rooms but I shared a room with my sisters all my life. It didn’t really bother me. I’ve found out that folks I grew up with (the same culture) are not really into the whole ‘privacy privacy’ thing as I see now that I’m adult. Now that I’m in the U.S, if I can afford it, they’d have their own room from babyhood.

Also, I should add that I live in NYC where space is at a premium. Most folks only have a 2 bedroom. Siblings share. NYC’ers are very well adjusted ThankYouVeryMuch. Except with the whole rudeness thing…and loud thing…and always in a rush…and so greedy because it’s expensive to live here etc. But I don’t think I can blame lack of a bedroom as a kid for all of that Cool

Post # 41
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If I can help it, my children will neer share a room. I know there are time when it might not be possible but that is my goal. I never had my own room until my older sister moved out and I hated it. I was a junior in high school when I finally got my privacy. I had 2 sisters though but I think it would be worse if I had to share with a brother. If they had to share a room, and were or the opposite sex, I would make the cut off around 6-8. 

Post # 42
8027 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If it were me, 10 or 11 would be the cutoff for opposite sex siblings.  Same sex- then no limit- they could share forever.

Post # 43
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

DH and I have been talking about this quite a bit lately since we just found out we’re having a little girl and our son is almost 3 years old. We have a third bedroom but it’s downstairs and I wouldn’t feel comfortable putting one of them downstairs. So we decided we’re going to look for a new house in 2-3 years. By the time our son is 6, we’d like him in his own room.

I’ve always thought 8 was the cut off for the opposite sex to share a room though.

Post # 44
3 posts
  • Wedding: November 1999

When one of them catches chicken pox… that’s how it worked my my brother and myself!

Post # 45
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

my older brother and i have always had seperate rooms,  but we chose to sleep together until he was 11 and i was 9. even though our rooms were close, we hated sleeping alone, and even shared the same level of the bunkbed most of the time. we were literally best friends.

my little brother and sister did the same thing. they slept in the same room (even though they had their own) until my little bro was 10 and my little sister was 7.

now, my brother is 17 and my sister is 13 and they still have “slumber parties” every once in a while on the floor of the living room.

I do think that 11 is about the time to start thinking of having them in seperate rooms. that’s when boys start going through puberty and girls start growing boobs. but then at the same time, maybe it depends on the family. some families are super open…maybe that stuff doesn’t phase them.

Post # 46
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@UpstateCait:  if they have been in a place that long with limited space… has it occurred to you that THAT MAY BE  ALL THEY CAN AFFORD? And the children will be in the same room until they can do better. If you like, help them out… choose to be productive and offer them the funds to help build on another room for one of the children.

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