(Closed) When engagement starts to mean nothing….

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@penguinbee:  I can see what you’re saying, but that won’t be the case. It’s pretty obvious that an engagement after 10 days of knowing someone will never mean as much as an engagement that comes out of a meaningful relationship.

I wouldn’t sweat it – everyone can see what you can see. When it’s your turn, it will mean someone and people will know it. Hopefully your friend starts seeing straight soon because it looks like she’s in for a world of hurt.

Post # 4
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Honestly, I don’t think anyone will get to the point of thinking that an engagement after 10 days of dating is normal. Most people will realize an engagement of someone in your position probably “means more” than an engagement of someone in her position. I understand how you feel, but I wouldn’t be worried about people thinking less about your engagement. Even if she has become numb to it, I don’t think most people have. It doesn’t mean that engagements have started to mean nothing, it just means that engagements have started to mean nothing to her.

 

Post # 5
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t see how her view of enmgagements should bother you.  You have your opinion she has hers, do what you want and don’t let her behavior bother you.

Post # 7
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Getting bothered by this is like married people thinking that Kim Kardashian’s sham of a “marriage” somehow makes their own marriage “less”. It’s not logical. Your feelings are real, I get that, but you just have to keep telling yourself that her crazy has nothing to do with your relationship’s worth. Don’t let it get to you.

Post # 8
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@penguinbee:  No one else’s engagement or marriage is a statement or reflection on yours.  Frankly, I doubt anyone is taking this girl very seriously anymore.  She sounds very immature and impulsive and those traits aren’t going to serve her very well. 

If you’ve been seeing your SO for some time and you are approaching engagement and marriage from a serious, well thought out and committed place – people will recognize that. 

Post # 9
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

@penguinbee:  What other people do shouldn’t matter to you and your life. Your family and friends will probably be very happy for you when you get engaged. Likely, they look at this girl and her behaviour and simply shake their heads/roll their eyes. What she does has no bearing on you.

Post # 10
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

Perhaps people will start to be less interested in her engagements, because they will be expecting them to fall through soon.

 

It won’t change how anyone feels about your potential engagement because they will see how much effort you put into having a sucessful relationship and it’s so much more likely to be a one time thing 🙂

Perhaps when that time comes she’ll be the one jealous of you because people have stopped being as excited for her. Swings and roundabouts x

 

(As a side note, I once ranted to my boyfriend about someone I know who quite obviously got married for less than genuine reasons, he told me that she obviously has to prove something to others to feel good about herself whereas we don’t need to prove anything to anybody 🙂 I think that would apply here as well)

Post # 11
Member
451 posts
Helper bee

Wow.  I get why you’re a little frustrated.  No, it doesn’t have to do with you, really, since clearly this engagement of hers doesn’t mean that much… but it wouldn’t make people think yours means less that it does.  I think yours will come off much more special in comparison!  But it must be frustrating to see people get multiple proposals while you’re waiting :/

 

Post # 12
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh no…. this won’t make any impact on your engagement… NOT ever.  Anything she does in the future will be a joke.  Not engagement between two people that are REALLY going to build a life together.

 

Her many engagements will never dampen yours.  

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@penguinbee:  Unfortunately, even here on the Bee, engagement has started to mean nothing. It’s a hurdle to jump to get to the marriage and the honeymoon. People don’t realize that engagement is a serious commitment to a person and a huge step in a relationship.

I’m sorry that you have to watch someone you care about do this. She is young (I know this sounds strange because some of you know that I am only 22 but when I use the word “young” I’m meaning maturity wise because she obviuosly is) and hopefully she will figure it out, but I understand your frustration.

Post # 14
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

I think people will be desensitized to HER engagements almost like she is crying wolf, but no one will be less thrilled when you are engaged. 

Post # 15
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

A family member has had 2 broken engagements, 3 engagements that led to marriage and 3 divorces. All before mid-forties.

Some people take things much less seriously than others. I wouldn’t let her actions affect you in the least!

Post # 16
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

TBH all I feel for someone like this is pity. She’s obviously got some very deep-seated problems and isn’t making any progress solving them. Her life sounds like basically a slow motion train wreck.

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