(Closed) When engagement starts to mean nothing….

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, people will be numb to it – because they know not to take her seriously. She’s like the little boy who called wolf. If she ever does get serious, no one will know how to take it.

When its your turn, people will know you really mean it.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Post # 33
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

This frustrates you only because shes family and has been engaged before? Why? How old is she?

Post # 34
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@penguinbee:  It’s funny that you posted this because my Fiance and I were just talking about this today. We were about to go shopping for wedding bands, and he says “Can I go ahead and wear it!?” and I was like “No way! Why would you want to do that?” and he said “I’m tired of being engaged, nobody takes ‘fiance’ seriously. I want to be married already!” He says the darnest things sometimes.

 

I laughed my butt off, but it’s true. It took my family almost a year before they realized duh, this is real. Neither of us have been engaged before, nor are we the type to make the decision lightly, but so many other people do that I think now people think twice before letting themselves believe. Especially with the rise of Facebook and the “status update” epidemic. 

Post # 37
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@penguinbee:  I can understand that. This reminds me of something im going through with my oldest sister right now. Understand that yes, we can care about our siblings. But at the end of the day, they are grown and have their own lives. I understand you don’t want her hurt. But, she’s going to have to bump her head to understand why you feel the way that you do. From what you’ve stated, you have your own views and values toward engagement. Live them and just love her and not judge her for hers being so different. What may be good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander. Its important to note that she may in fact be married to this man for life. But because of her past history with engagements, this is something I’d be concerned with too.

Just love her in spite of her acts. Not because of what she doesn’t do. 🙂

Post # 38
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@penguinbee:

I understand why your upset and your just ranting.  We all need to blow off steam sometimes.  Strangly thats just how some people work.  I knew a girl who fell head over heels for a guy and they were unofficially engaged (it was her second unofficial engagement).  He had to move away for military reason and asked her to wait for him.  She told him that if she wasn’t married when he came back she’d marry him but if she was she wouldn’t be with him.  She met a new guy and became engaged less than 2 months later.  At first I was annoyed but now I pity her, she wanted marriage so badly she was willing to settle for anyone she could get (her military guy was very rude to her all the time).

Like some of the other girls have said there is nothing you can do to stop her.  Hopefully she’ll either learn from her mistakes or she’ll actually be ulitmately happy.

I am curious about something.  How long has your sister known her most recent fiance? I’m asking because I knew my guy for almost 10 years when we first started dating and once we realized we had romantic feeling for each other we were 85% sure we’d get married.  We did wait to get engaged just to make sure.

Post # 39
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@penguinbee:  Is it possible that you are jealous that she has been engaged 4 times and you are waiting?

 

I really don’t think you should worry about her. Your friend’s ridiculous engagements don’t make YOUR future engagement any less special. They just make her next 20 look even more ridiculous. Lets face it, this girl’s love life is a huge spectacle and a joke right?  But that has nothing to do with yours. I’m sure your friends and family will be thrilled for you when you get engaged!

Post # 40
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I completely understand what you’re saying. I know of a girl who became engaged to a guy after about 5 months. Which is fine, I’m saying 7 months is too soon – but for her it is. She has a tendancy to kind of chew guys up and spit them out once she is bored. They have now broken up, but at the time, seeing all her wedding planning and booking a venue and just seeing her have her “dream wedding” in the works made me so jealous. Now, i am engaged, but it took 2.5 years for that to happen, and we have now been engaged for over a year and have only just started seriously discussing an actual wedding. It kind of hurts me that so many people seem to just get things and so they lose their significance. We have worked hard at our relationship and waited until we went through hard times together to see how we would pull through, as well as waiting for financail reasons. I think waiting, sticking these things through etc has made us so much stronger and so much more prepared for what marriage is – as opposed to simply focusing on a wedding. 

that’s my little rant within a rant i suppose, hehe. But the point is – I totally agree! People who don’t take it seriously make it feel like yours is not as important because other people throw it around all the time. hope you feel better soon! xx

Post # 41
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think it’ll have any bearing on when you or anyone else gets engaged. If it’s obvious to you how meaningless her engagements are, it’s obvious to everyone else as well. I have a friend like that. She’s been engaged at least four times already, and now calls someone her “husband”, even though she’s never been married and it’s an on-again/off-again “engagement”.

No one ever congratulates her when she claims that they’re “engaged again”, “no really you guys, for real, seriously this time”. And yet, all of our mutual friends were over the moon and commenting up a storm when I announced my engagement. Now, I will admit that this was a friend and your post is about your sister, but I think it’ll be the same way, if not more so. They’ll be able to see how serious your relationship is.

Post # 42
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@penguinbee:  Ack! I would be frustrated too … But one engagement won’t make yours any less meaningful, I promise. 

I had a similar situation (a friend who got engaged in less than 1/4 of the time that I did), and I can tell you from personal experience that more people are excited about my nuptuals. And yes, I realize how conceited that makes me sound.

Post # 43
Hostess
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

More than anything I think that is just sad. Like PPs said, it won’t make your engagement mean any less. If anything, other people – mutual acquaintences of the two of you – will just see by comparison how serious you are. 

The thing about marriage, is that there will always be the kim kardashians of the world. Some people will always make a complete mockery of it. But luckily that doesn’t have any effect on the rest of us. ; )

Post # 44
Member
6432 posts
Bee Keeper

Meh, who cares? It really doesn’t bother me at all what other people choose to do with their lives providing it isn’t affecting me.

Post # 46
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

no one else’s actions or engagement stories or views on engagements/marriages, have any bearing on your own, nor do they undermine your own. I think it’s bad on your part to be judging her relationships and implying they are less meaningful then your own.  Worry about yourself and your relationship, not anyone elses.

The topic ‘When engagement starts to mean nothing….’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors