When guests add uninvited people to RSVP… ugh

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
13590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you don’t want the person there, call the party that added the guest and let them know that there must have been a misunderstanding, and X was not invited with a plus one.  If you don’t care about them coming, just move on and don’t get worked up about it.

I didn’t have anyone add extra guests, but we also invited our single guests to bring a +1 so they would have someone to share the fun with!

Post # 3
Member
7000 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t just roll with it, but that’s me. It’s beyond rude to add someone not invited. I would give them a call and simply say “Hi so and so, we noticed that you added someone in the notes section. Unfortunately the invitation was specifically for your family of 4 and we are not able to accommodate additional guests.” That’s it, it’s not open to negotiation. 

We had a large wedding, well over 200 people and I was very generous with +1’s. I’m a firm believer that hosting your guests properly means being on time and making them comfortable (place to sit, plenty of good food and drinks, etc) and a huge part of that is making sure that all single people were invited with a +1 even if they weren’t in a relationship. That being said, I don’t feel that extends to children or teenagers. Poor etiquette is a major peeve of mine, so I don’t let it slide. I would rather the entire family not come than budge on that one person. 

Post # 4
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t find that it adds at all to my happiness to have a teenage kid’s boyfriend/girlfriend at my wedding. It really depends on how intimate of an affair you’re envisioning, but I wouldn’t care about the numbers as much as the value and love those invited would be adding to my day. I’d be super annoyed and tell them that there was no plus one included for their teenage daughter.

Post # 7
Member
2757 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If you can accommodate them, personally I would be annoyed but let them come. Especially if they are travelling from so far away. Although we gave everyone a plus one (and would have allowed teenagers to bring SO’s if it had come up). 

Post # 8
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Hang on – when they asked your fiancé, what did he say?

Post # 10
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

missmollybee :  If they RSVPd the +1 after getting the ok from your husband, what have they done wrong exactly? It’s a bit cheeky to ask for an extra guest but not the same as simply adding them to an RSVP, as your original post suggests? 

Post # 12
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Ok, your subsequent posts (after you realised they’d asked your fiancé?) seem to suggest that uninviting the +1 is still an option, albeit one that’s probably not worth the hassle. 

If they hadn’t asked your fiancé, I would agree but I wouldn’t even consider it knowing now that they did ask and he just forgot to tell you.

Post # 14
Member
691 posts
Busy bee

missmollybee :  I had a cousin skip out on my wedding because I didn’t invite his girlfriend. Now I invited everyone over 18 with a plus one but my cousin was under 18 and therefore did not receive one. They ended up breaking up a few months after…

Post # 15
Member
1886 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Ugh. Annoying that fiancé said yes, but I’d be rolling with it too. 

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