(Closed) When guests do not bring gifts to the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

Once  many years ago I went to  a wedding reception with nothing. It was a co worker of DH and the invitation was issued by mouth as in “come by and grab a beer at our party.” A card with best wishes would have been a good thing, just didnt think of it. personally, I dislike Hallmark cards  and their Hallmark sentiments. But this was thoughtless of me, I agree. It WAS literally thoughtless, I just didnt think of this as being a gifting occasion.

I am now the aunt who doesnt send baby presents. All of our nieces and nephews are out of state having their babies and I just dont do it, although dH is welcome to buy and send, they are his side of the family. He doesnt, though.:) 

Post # 32
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

Although I could never imagine going to a wedding empty-handed, I could slso never imagine myself pinpointing out the 5 people out of 80 that I didn’t get a gift from – or even noticing for that matter.

Post # 33
Member
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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MiniMeow :  good thing then that etiquette gives them a year grace period to send something.

Post # 34
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

A gift I can understand in some circumstances – like if you have a Destination Wedding and invite people who are struggling financially and they spend literally all their spare cash to be there (FI was in this position with his brother about five years ago).

However, I do not understand not even bringing a card. You can pick one up from the two dollar shop that already has a message, just write To Zelda and Sam, from Auntie Marge and you’re done. It just seems really slack.

Post # 35
Member
675 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Gifts should never be expected, but I always bring something–card or gift– to weddings, because I felt rude not bringing anything at all. Of course, depends on the relationship I have with the bride & groom; if I’m closer to them, I’d bring something nicer.

Post # 36
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Beach

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socalgirl1689 :  I want to preface this by saying I always buy gifts and I’m iritated because there seems to be a lot of gift obligation in my life lately. This topic makes me cringe so much. As I grow older I become less fond of gifts, giving and receiving. I just want to spend time with the people I enjoy. We have become way too “gifty” these days in my opinion. Suze Orman says “stop with the gifts” It’s so awkward to be invited/expected to something and it’s expected that I bring a gift. I’m currently engaged and we don’t want gifts. I think especially as my fiancé and I are are not young people getting our first dishes and pots and pans. We are working professionals and have lived independently for a while. I got so many nice things when I went off to college and when I got my first apartment. We appreciate all the support we have already received over the years.  We are very wise with our money and try to make good choices and that’s all I want my peers to do. A lot of people are not contributing to their retirement right now but hey here’s your Vitamix. It’s so weird to me that when established people get married or have a baby etc everyone is expected to chip in (this happens at work a lot). Seriously I just got an email today “so and so is due with her second kid any day so sign the card and drop off some cash for a stroller”. I’m happy for them I want them to know that but if I were having a baby or getting my first home with my new husband I wouldn’t expect anyone else to buy me a stroller or a blender. I also don’t like the idea of the more you spend on your wedding or the more a guest makes in income they are expected to gift is silly. None of this was the guests initiation. Remember that sex and the city episode? 

Post # 37
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s ignorant not to bring a gift, but that’s just me.  I think that if someone is young and in college, for example, they can be expected to give a smaller gift, or at the very least a card.  I mean if someone doesn’t have much money then the best thing to do is to give a nice but inexpensive gift, meaning like a $20 or $30 physical present.  But that is just my opinion.  For my wedding, I knew some people couldn’t give so much so I didn’t care as long as they weren’t assholes otherwise, to those people who were assholers otherwise then I couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t even worth it to invite them bc they disturbed my day and cost me money to boot (lol).

Post # 38
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh btw, I would never SAY to anyone IRL that I was disappointed not to get gifts, unless it were part of a conversation and somehow came up.  I’m surprised that your friend actually expressed this to you.

Post # 41
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

10% sounds about right.  But does it even matter? Presence is enough for me.  

Post # 42
Member
6184 posts
Bee Keeper

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missbee16 :  I’m baffled by this too! I want to send thank you’s to everyone who attends our wedding but I was told it looks passive aggressive. I don’t know what to do. Some people will have travelled literally thousands of miles to come to our wedding and I think that in itself is a gift. So I’ll stay posted on here to see what the etiquette ruling is.

Post # 43
Member
6184 posts
Bee Keeper

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fromatoz :  I know this isn’t related, but did you send a thank you card to all who attended? I just want to see what others do. Thank you.

Post # 44
Member
6184 posts
Bee Keeper

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weddingmaven :  Whats the new etiquette on thank you cards for attendance? Second separate question, if we send/mail photos is it ok to do it with a thank you card regardless of a gift? I ask becasue some of our guests really went far to come to our wedding and I think that deserves an acknowledgement.

Post # 45
Member
6184 posts
Bee Keeper

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northernbird :  I love cards too! Even for my birthday my favorite part is a funny or thoughtful card. I have kept many of my old ones over the years.

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