(Closed) When Guests RSVP “Maybe” or Don’t Respond At All

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

What the hell – this isn’t facebook!  I would just tell them you need a definitive answer to give to your venue.  If they still aren’t sure, let them know you’ll have to mark them as a “no” if you don’t hear from them by the end of the week.  Try not to worry about being rude; giving someone a “maybe” is rude (unless they have a very good reason)!

Post # 4
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d just let them know that you need a definite number by a certain date so that you know how much food to have.  If they can’t commit by that date, then you’ll consider them a ‘no’.  Then tell them sorry, there won’t be enough seats and food for them if they can’t commit.

Post # 5
46387 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He can help with this too. It’s not just your problem.

Just tell them that you realize that sometimes it’s difficult to make a commitment, and you do understand if they are not able to attend,but that your venue/caterer needs a definite yes or no, and that is what you need from them.

Tell them your venue and caterer have told you that they will not be able to accomodate guests who have not rsvp’d.

Post # 6
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Juliepants:  i agree WHAT THE HELL?!?! who does maybe to a wedding if you cant commit time to come to my wedding then just mark no and dont bother me for a while. lol. people seriously dont know who much weddings are per person maybe answer is so RUDE!!!!

Post # 7
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yup – I say tackle the phone calls together… And just use your venue as an excuse – we need an answer to give a final count to our reception venue/caterer/etc…

Post # 8
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@julies1949:  Ditto.

Split the list in half, and this weekend, you and Fiance need to start burning up the phone line. Caterers need final head counts- plan and simple.

Unbelievable- sorry you have to deal with this. People are crazy!

Post # 9
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree, they definitely need to give you a committed answer, and you should definitely enlist FI’s help since they’re on his side. I think calling up the “maybes” and telling them that you need a definite yes or no by the end of the week or you will regretfully have to mark them as “no” will help get people moving. If they don’t get back to you in time, tough.

Post # 10
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Fiance actually offered to make the phone calls for me on “questonable” RSVPS. Maybe if you tackle it together it won’t be so bad. Seriously though, who responds maybe??

I would just tell them that you are required by your venue to have a final count and you need to know a definite answer asap. Put it all on the venue 😛

Post # 11
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

First of all, split the call list between you & FH. Second of all, just say the following: “Hi there, it’s so-and-so calling. [X date] was our RSVP-by date, and we need to get the final count in to our venue. Will you be attending the wedding?” Wash, rinse, repeat. If someone says “We’re not sure”, offer to call back in a day or two, but CALL BACK and DEMAND THAT ANSWER. If they stall, simply say “Our venue needs an exact count. Unfortunately we’re not able to accomodate anything but a yes or no answer right now.”.

Post # 12
1426 posts
Bumble bee

Hah!  That “Maybe” thing is almost worse then not responding at all.  What a waste of time!  If you can’t say Yes, you say No.  Simple, one would think.

I agree with PP’s, ask your Fiance to help you out since they’re HIS friends/relatives and say exactly what tiffybear and julies1949 mentioned.  Nothing rude about it, you just absolutely need a definite answer for your caterer, etc. 

For other’s that just haven’t responded, I wrote msg’s/emails/texts that said “Hey John or Jane! Just wondering if you got the invitation to Darling Husband and mine’s wedding as we haven’t heard from you yet. If you could let me know if you’d be able to make it and if you’re bringing a +1, that’d be great!
If you haven’t received it, we apologize profusely and take this as a formal invitation to our wedding on XX at XX at This Venue”

I got prompt answers from that.

Post # 13
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

so weird that you have SO many people who did this.

If i were truly unsure of whether I could make it by the respond date, I would decline out of respect for the host.

Post # 14
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hah, I got some of those. The only ones remaining are actually legitimate maybes. There are some circumstances beyond their control. I’m good with it.

Everyone else? One email. One phone call. Then I’m putting them down as a “No”. What gets me is… a number of our non/late responders are getting married themselves this year. I guess they’ve got a lot going on, but… really?

Post # 15
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Juliepants:  haha Agree, maybe was not an opion on the card so it means NO to me. I would tell those people its like holding a spot in line at the playground this is unexceptable LOL

Post # 16
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Many people use the rsvp date as a postmark date, so you may get a lot of responses back next week. This sucks though, these people are totally missing the point of an rsvp. If they do show, “maybe” there wll be food for them and maybe not. 

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