(Closed) When guys hit on you….

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Mimoza:  So for you taken bees, how do you deal with fiesty men/women who shamelessly hit on you and/or attack you on a dance floor (like randomly grab you and dance with you when you’re with your friends)?. 

That leads me to another question: how do you define cheating? 

Hitting on me, I’m fine with, as long as they don’t touch me. I’m nice, cordial, I respond appropriately. I don’t believe that being taken entitles you to being rude, because they don’t know you’re taken until you tell them and only then, be rude if they insist on trying it on. I’ve always mentioned a boyfriend (I haven’t been hit on since marriage because I haven’t been out since, but I need to arrange that soon XD), whether he really is there or one of my male friends is a substitute. I’ve met a few guys at the bars as friends this way, but the friendships don’t really go anywhere.

I go dancing with an army of male friends, so I dance with them and they fend off the strange guys, but if it’s just girlfriends and me, I’m pretty good at just pushing them off me.

Cheating is anything beyond friendly hugging to me.

Post # 33
5422 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I love it when a guy tries to be slick and just chat without going into full on hit on girl mode.  I stay with the conversation and usually after a few minutes pick up my phone and say “oh my fi is calling me i have to go, but see that girl over there (point to stranger) you should see if she is dumb enough to fall for this nonsense” walk away.  facial expressions are timeless. 

Out with my girls we straight just tell guys to fuck off, no need to be nice.  I also get hit on at work, a lot!

Post # 34
9795 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Mimoza:  If it’s just small talk, then I have no problem talking to guys at a bar.  I’ve never really flirted (in the same type of way I did when I was single) with anyone since I’ve been with my SO but I’ve talked to plenty of people at bars (it really is just small talk) and been friendly.  Last time I was out dancing and some guy came up behind me I moved and turned the other way and told him no.  But I generally did that when I was single as well because I don’t want randoms dancing on me. 

If it was clear they were trying to hit on me and wanted more I would say “sorry, I’m engaged/married/have a boyfriend.”  I would be nice about it unless they didn’t take a hint, then I would be meaner.  If they still wouldn’t leave, I would leave the area/bar or tell the door person.

Cheating would be anything physical (kissing, and anything beyond) or anything emotional as well (if you’re into someone and you continue on with a flirtation/talking/texting/hanging out, etc knowing fully that you have feelings for this person and are pursuing those feelings)

Post # 35
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel like I get hit on more often than my single friends. I think the ring is a turn on for others lol. That’s why I avoid going out often…

Post # 36
5279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

It depends on the situation – and we know when we are getting straight up hit on vs. making more friendly conversation. If I know its a creepy hit on I get a little rude and very short, by answering questions with one word, they usually get the clue after a few mins of no eye contact and an irritated voice. However, if I’m out with a group of friends (especially if some of my friends are single) and guys come up to us and are nice and not creepy; then yes I will socialize with them. 

As far as the dancing, I refuse to dance with men I don’t know – I will dance with my guy friends though, but not booty music, that’s just for the hubs. Kiss 

Post # 38
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Fantastagirl:  This is the way that I like dealing with it, too.  At this age, I’ve don’t really tend to have men hit on me in a way that is obnoxious, creepy, or rude.  That used to happen when I was in my early 20’s, but now, not so much.  These days, they are generally simply making polite, albeit slightly flirty, conversation…and since they are not being rude to me, I do not see the need to be rude to them!  I just find a way to mention my fiance/partner in conversation, which is pretty darn easy to do, since we’ve been living together for so many years.  Most guys will politely end the conversation shortly after that, and no one has to be offended or hurt.  🙂

Post # 39
482 posts
Helper bee

@Mimoza:  maybe its just me but i kinda like it, long as theyre  not being raunchy when they do make a pass. its kindof an ego booster, to know that i still got it as i approach 30 soon 🙂

I just tell them im unavailable/taken. some get the hint, some dont. those are the ones im disgusted by.

i remember in my single days having involved/married men try to  hit on me, and it literrally made me sick to my stomach, i always felt bad for their wives/gfs

Post # 40
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I do the “ring flash” and will tell them that I’m not interested if they are being pushy. With that said, as long as they are not being creepy I am fine with some innocent flirtation. For me it is about managing expectations more than anything: I don’t want there to be a scene when they realize that I was serious about things not going anywhere.

Post # 41
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I haven’t been shamelessly hit on since I don’t frequent the same bars/clubs/scenes once I seriously started to date the DH.  I also always end up talking about my husband in the conversation so it is obvious I am taken. 

Cheating to me is when you have clear intentions of doing something more than being “friendly”.  If you’re not going to do that with your sister/brother, it’s cheating. 

Post # 42
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@romantical:  I love that quote. 

Im the only married one out of all my girlfriends and we get hit on when we all go out together. I will just have a general conversation with who ever talks to us and I have never had to straight up tell someone to leave me alone, But I always make a point to   Ring Flash a lot. 

Post # 43
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Honestly, you never know where the conversation will take you and who that person may be — especially here in NYC. I’ve met sooo many cool people. Obviously, if they are being really obvious I drop the “Oh yeah? My partner is into blah blah blah, too!” and see where that goes. But mainly, I try to keep it neutral and meet that person. It takes a lot to strike up a random conversation so I don’t think I could ever flat out just ignore someone. They still have feelings.

I’ve never had someone aggressively grab me while dancing. But I am like a little wasp and I can guarantee it would not be a comfortable interaction for that person once the line was crossed.

Re cheating: I define cheating as allowing another person in to your life physically or emotionally in an intimate sexual manner. Fleeting feelings are one thing but to continually seek and nourish those feelings outside of your partner is cheating in my book.

Post # 44
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Mimoza:  lol it really works. when I say army, I really do mean army – it’s like at least 4 of my guy friends are with me at any time during the night XD

Post # 45
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This reminds me of the Jenna Marbles Youtube video…


If you have not watched it…. DO! Beware language but very funny.

I havn’t been to a club since I was single. So, I will go with the regular bar scenario where I am with the girls…. I ignore them. They are being drunk and rowdy, so sometimes it is just best not to engage them.

Now, for a man (or lady, it has happened a few times) that is sober. If they straight up hit on me, I tell them I am flattered but I am actually in a relationship. They always apologized and move on, never had a problem. If they try to strike up a conversation where I start to get that *feeling* they are leading up to start to hit on me, I talk back but keep it short. I try to be pretty nice and as long as they don’t push it (at that point I will start to see red), then its fine. Just don’t show any interest back that will lead them on then there is nothing wrong with it.

Now, obviously I dont think EVERY man that is talking to me is trying to hit on me. That is really silly. I just pay attention to how the conversation is going. If it turns into something like, “By the way, you look like a dancer…” or “Speaking of which, your smile is amazing…have you ever thought of…” Then yeah okay pal…it is time to move on thanks.

Post # 46
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

@Mimoza:  I tend to first not assume im being hit on. So im nice. If they do hit on me I will simply say “im flattered but im also engaged. Sorry! enjoy your night”. If they keep it up, ill get a little meaner and be like “ok maybe you didn’t quite hear me, im ENGAGED. its obvious you are after more than interesting conversation so I think it would be best if you leave me alone.” and if they still keep it up ill say “back off asshole, im obviously not interested. I won’t say it again, now leave me alone.”. 

With that said, I have had many conversations with guys in a bar that start talking to me that are simply that, a conversation. nothing more.

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