(Closed) When guys hit on you….

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@sarahbabs:  +1.  I’m a ring flasher, and I agree with everything you said.

Post # 63
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I would have to say that because I can be very distant when I first meet someone I think that puts them off about 95% of the time, lol. 

In the rare case that someone tries to get beyond that point with me I get very snippy. Basically,”you are not a special snowflake. go away.”

It usually doesn’t happen because I don’t get out much and I attend a tiny university and work in a department of less than 50 people. My SO can be just as stern as me and also has very big arms and pretty much everyone knows who he is haha.

Post # 64
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

@Mimoza:  When I was with my ex I used to ward people off after a friendly hello. I held very high standards both for myself and my ex (rightly or wrongly) so even a sexually charged conversation or an intimate dance (including flirting, casual touching, batting eyelashes etc) were betrayals in my book.

Now that I’m (newly) single, I enjoy the male attention, but I’m not into one night stands and all, so no interaction with the dudes outsude the pub.

Post # 65
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It got bad for me. I made my whole facebook private and it got to the point that I didn’t really leave the house unless I had Danny or guy friend there. I had anxiety about it because I live in a college town where the guys can be REALLY aggressive and I’ve been actually yelled at for ignoring them before. I have a thing about personal space so when someone invades it I also tend to panic. My body modification opens it up for guys to use tattoos as an “icebreaker” or to actually touch me, too (why they think this is ok I have no idea.) I’m getting better about it because I was tired of being controlled by anxiety. Now I just completely ignore, like they’re not even there. Unless they give me just, a lovely genuine compliment. Then I smile, say “thank you!” and promptly go back to doing whatever it was I was doing. (if I’m not doing anything at the time I pick up my phone and text someone so I look busy.) if someone is nice about hitting on me I’m ok with it, but if they’re raunchy or rude, then F them, IGNORED. 

Cheating is basically anything you wouldn’t do in front of me. If you don’t feel like it’d be ok to do it right in front of me then DON’T DO IT. 

Post # 66
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

@Mimoza:  And what irritates me even more is when they ask if we can ‘still be friends’ by exchanging numbers.

Post # 67
Member
467 posts
Helper bee

I’ll flirt back, but within the first couple minutes I’ll mention my SO.  Once I was hanging out with a girlfirend whose married and we were getting shamelessly hit on.  I immediately mentioned I have a boyfriend and she interjected that she was married.  They still ended up buying us 3 rounds of drinks, which is fine by me!  They knew we weren’t available, I guess they were just bored.  

If i’m dancing on the dance floor and a guy comes up to me, I’ll let them dance with me for a minute or two…but no touching, and def no grinding.  I try to be nice, because I think it takes a bit of guts to come up to a girl and talk to her or dance with her.  Why shoot them down?  

My SO actually likes when other guys hit on me and check me out.  Makes him feel like he has something special.  🙂

Post # 68
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@Mimoza: I think there is a difference between harmless flirting and actually hitting on somebody. 

my SO and I have an agreement that flirting is harmless and we’re not bothered by it. we’re very secure and trust that we will not cheat on each other, so it’s no problem. of course it goes without saying that only verbal flirting is ok. 

if guys were actually hitting on me for real, I just kind of wave my wedding band around and that pretty much does the trick. not that it happens very often!

 

Post # 70
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

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@Mimoza:  LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…This will now be my official one liner.

Post # 72
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I usually just tell them I’m engaged and I’m not interested and they leave me alone. I don’t hate it, I like the attention, but definitely don’t encourage it.

Post # 73
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@Mimoza:  bahah I love that video.  What’s funny, was one of my go-to faces when I wanted to extra-weird people out, and way before that video even existed, haha.

In response to the hitting on, I have a hard time being mean, but before I was engaged, I will nicely tell a guy, “I’m just here with my friends” as in ‘Leave me alone!’ but sometimes guys just won’t listen.  I’ve actually been followed around a bar before, and literally just bugged to the point that the guy’s friends are having to come retrieve him and apologize to me.  Where I verbalize that I want the guy to leave me alone, and walk off…he just follows me!  So annoying.  My friends and I then decided we’d just be as WEIRD as possible.  So whenever it was obvious a guy was pestering one of us, the other would run up, grab her arm, and pull her away while shouting, “We must get home to milk the cows before their utters get too tough!”  We’ve developed a whole series of odd things to say, it keeps us laughing, and it does work.  I flipped out on a guy at a bar once who kept trying to touch me to get my attention and screamed at the top of my lungs, “I cannot have you touching me!!”  My friend that was with me still makes fun of me for it.

I don’t go out as much as I used to since I’m engaged, but I will wave my ring, and the handful of times I’ve done that, have been returned with a, “That means nothing to me.”  Gross.  I’ve actually had guys hit on me with my fiance standing right there, and he just fumes, but doesn’t say anything, which I kind of wish he would.

I think that actively seeking this sort of attention could be a red flag.  I don’t see the need to, if you are content where you’re at.  I don’t have a desire to flirt with other guys, but whenever a guy offers to buy me a drink, I usually take it, because…hey, free drink!

 

Post # 75
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@imageeksowhat:  I HATE the touching just because you’ve got something different about your outward appearance.  I was standing in the food line at a reception once with a spaghetti strap dress on and this old man behind me moved my dress strap and my bra strap to the side so he could read my tattoo, instead of just tapping me on the shoulder and asking me.  I turned around with the best “WTF” face I could come up with.  I don’t care for a second if someone wants to know what my tattoo says, I will gladly tell them, or show them myself, but you don’t go around pushing complete stranger’s clothes to the side while their back is to you in order to get a better look.  Not cool at all!

Post # 76
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@Cady:  I was JUST going to post this. I was surprised it hadn’t shown up earlier, ha! 

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