When he asked to "hang out"?

posted 2 weeks ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
5409 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t see the link between him dating a coworker of your friend and that meaning you are “just another pretty girl he fantasizes about”. 

Him not having his life together and suffering from mental illness aside the first thing that would put me off is him trying to pursue you while you were in a long term relationship. 

Post # 3
Member
11974 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

mendingbee :  “Only problem is, he doesn’t have his life together and is suffering with depression. I feel like he would need a lot of care.”

Just remember, it’s your life. It’s not intolerant or close minded to say these are things you can’t or don’t want to deal with. It’s one thing when a couple has a long history and a commitment, but you don’t owe this guy anything. 

I would not choose to date someone who didn’t have his life together and one should never see someone with the thought of being the one to change him. 

Post # 5
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

This sounds like another bad relationship in the making. You’re still in need of healing and he’s not together. Its a red flag and pretty cringy that he pulled the ” break up with your boyfriend and I’ll look after you” line. He obviously can’t look after you and it says a lot about how he views women when that’s where his mind goes to. It also sounds like he’s playing phone games, another red flag. I’m not buying the whole he’s shy bit either. This guy’s has asked you out twice once while he knew you were in a relationship. 

Post # 7
Member
9733 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He sounds like a project. No projects.

Post # 8
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

mendingbee :  telling you to break up with your boyfriend and then date him is pursuing you. 

Post # 10
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

mendingbee :  No Bee. This guy does not sound like a good fit for you. Not at all. 

Post # 11
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think this is not healthy for either of you.  You are again rushing into a relationship without giving yourself time to heal and get perspective.  He’s pushing to start a relationship when what he SHOULD be doing is taking things slow and being content with being friends until you’re actually ready for a relationship, which apparently you are not.

Post # 12
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

mendingbee :  the  first time when he didn’t know was perfectly fine. I can see why it seems justifiable the second time but no matter how awful your ex was you were clearly in a vulnerable place and to use that situation as a way to get you for himself seems manipulative. Maybe that wasn’t his intention but it’s not ok to inject yourself in other people’s relationships with the intention of getting something (you) our of it for yourself. That ask with the “I’ll take care of you” put out there just makes me cringe hard. you’re clearly attracted to him but should you be? You’re been picking the wrong guys and from the sounds of it your need to raise your standards.

Post # 13
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

“…and give him a chance and he would look after me.”

HARD PASS. 

This guy sounds like a real winner. Stop dating and work on yourself. 

Post # 14
Member
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Are you going to pursue therapy at all? Your standards for a partner are below dirt level and unless you start expecting and DEMANDING better for yourself you’ll always have poor results.

Post # 15
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

Misogyny alert! How does he think he can “look after you” when he doesn’t have his own shit together. Gross. I would avoid. He was also definitely persuing you while you were in a relationship. He was just doing it by being a sneaky “nice guy”. Ugggg

You don’t want someone who proclaims he will take care of you. You also don’t want someone who needs taking care of. You are a grown woman and perfectly capable of running your own life without any assistance from a man. What you want is an equal partner

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