When he asked to "hang out"?

posted 2 weeks ago in Emotional
Post # 31
3607 posts
Sugar bee

I assume the casual hanging out comment is because you’ve already turned him down for proper dates, and he’s trying to be more low-key. Either way, it does sound like he’s a bit of a project, and that’s probably not the right thing for you.

Post # 32
8265 posts
Bumble Beekeeper


But you have taken only the part you like of weddingmavens careful post to heart and ignored the rest. Of course we all know he didn’t mean changing your underwear for you, weddingmaven was just being more polite, as she usually is .

This is clearly and obviously another crap relationship in the making and it seems, sadly , just as clear that you are going to do it. I almost never think or suggest therapy, but for you OP, l do, l really do…..


mendingbee :  

Post # 33
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

mendingbee :  

Bee, Just staaahhhhpppp.

I went back and skimmed through your previous threads.  Your exh was cheating with his ex; just three months into that dumpster fire of a divorce you managed to find yourself another chaos-drama generating machine who glommed on to you like a barnacle while carrying on with some other woman in Brazil.

And here you are again, tackling your latest reclamation project.

You’re asking all of the wrong questions, Bee.  None of this is about them.  You are the common denominator here.  How is it that you can’t go longer than 15 minutes without a guy in your life?  The quality of the guy seems to be of no importance; just speed and need.

I find your screen name intriguing, Bee.  What steps are you actually taking to mend?

Post # 35
672 posts
Busy bee

mendingbee : 

Unlike PPs, I’m not particularly concerned about this guy urging you to leave your ex-boyfriend, and saying he’d look after you. I disagree that it’s misogynistic or patronising – I doubt he meant anything by it. I know quite a few more traditional guys, and this is the kind of thing they would say. They’re good guys, and it’s harmless. However, I also wouldn’t put a great deal of store by it. It’s the kind of thing guys like to say when they’re trying to win you over and white-knighting a bit.

As I said, I wouldn’t read too much into what he said or his hard pursuing of you in the past. A lot of guys will put in a lot of energy and intensity in the beginning, which later cools down. His interest in you is sweet, but take it with a grain of salt. It’s what he does over time that matters.

If he has self-esteem issues (believes he’s not good enough for you), doesn’t have his life together (in what way doesn’t he?), and is battling with depression, then he probably knows full well he’s not great partner material for you and that it might not work. My personal feeling is that he’s protecting himself and that his guard is up. Your text exchange with him was cool on his end, and I wouldn’t be feeling too inspired by it.

There’s nothing to do from your side. Leave it. Don’t try to “get a read” on him or try to jolt things into happening between you. Just leave it. You’re probably not ready to get involved with someone yourself so ask if you can be friends. I would not get involved with someone with so many issues, so just put the phone away and put the guy out of your head. If he reaches out, as I said, maybe you can be friends.

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