When he calls me his "girlfriend"…

posted 7 months ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

queensav :  I know what you mean! I have a different situation, but I feelbyou. I’m at this weird stage where the ring is (STILL) on its way to us and there’s been no official on-the-knee proposal, but we couldn’t wait to tell family about the decision to get married and start planning. So we’re like… mostly engaged but I don’t want to make his “proposal moment” less special by thinking of myself as already engaged? We’re telling people “we’ve decided to get married” but I’ve only told people “I’m recently engaged” if I probably won’t see them again for a long time, or possibly not until during or after the wedding. So even though we both know that we’re getting married, and when, and where, and etc, he still calls me his girlfriend. It grates on me just a little, because I’m so ready for the ring to be here, the official proposal moment to have happened, and to be officially engaged… but also, I want an official proposal at least as much as he wants to officially propose, so I hold my tongue and wait.

But seriously, the ring had a 4-5 week production time and it’s been 4.5 weeks. I am SO ready to just wear the damn thing and be a fiancée!

Post # 18
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

queensav :  I hear ya… I felt the same way before I got engaged. I felt like we were more to each other than just “boyfriend/girlfriend”. It felt insulting to our relationship. I just called him my partner after that until he proposed, it felt a bit more authentic. 

Post # 19
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

Oh god I hate being called a fiance. The only time I use the term is on this website if it provides helpful context to what I’m saying. IRL we still refer to each other as boy/girlfriend or partner!

Post # 20
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wonder why you described yourself as acting like a brat. For not being patient and passive? Why is it that only men get to propose and decide when? How come you don’t get to surprise him?

Post # 21
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

We used the term partner when we were serious and living together but not yet engaged. I hated girlfriend too it sounded so young and made me cringe.

Post # 22
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

fran01 :  Agreed. Or online I’d call him my SO. I was dreading doing interviews out of state without a ring on… In case I brought him up, I wanted to our relationship to be taken seriously, so they weren’t worried about me moving away is we broke up. I love throwing around the fiance word now. 

Post # 23
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Why don’t you switch to saying “partner” until you get engaged? 🙂 We did that after our first year together as we felt like girlfriend/boyfriend sounded juvenile and didn’t match our level of commitment. I don’t always like using the word fiance either though…it makes me feel like I’m showing off or something? Haha so I’m still saying partner and dying to be able to finally say husband in 2 weeks time!

Post # 24
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Oh I remember this frustration so well. My Darling Husband and I have been been married close to 5 years, got engaged 6 years ago, but have been together for 11. By the time that proposal came I was SO DONE being called the same thing I technically was called the first month we started dating. Girlfriend was just so innaccurate at that point. I don’t have any helpful advice but I think it is totally fair to feel this way!  

Post # 28
Member
471 posts
Helper bee

You don’t really like surprises, and you have anxieity issues which are being exacerbated by this desire to surprise propose some time within the next year.  Does he not understand that you suffer from anxiety issues and don’t like surprises?

Post # 29
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - Hampton, VA

queensav :  Lol at that. My Fiance would refer to me as SO and even that bothered me. I’m like, you have the ring and if you don’t want to be boyfriend/girlfriend just DO THE DAMN THING. Boy oh boy, I do NOT miss being there anymore. lmao

All the love & positivity to you for the next few months. <3

Post # 30
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee

princessmiaofgenovia :  Same!  I hate the term fiance.  I call him my significant other or boyfriend.  And he is 52…but manfriend sounds weird.

But to the OP, I understand your frustration.  It’s not about the actual word, it’s about the status that the word represents.

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