When he goes out….

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Yes that would bother me, he could have mentioned it earlier unless it was a last minute invite. But still he should have said something before he got ready. I would have a chat with him about just letting you know beforehand 

Post # 3
79 posts
Worker bee

That would bother me as well. Men can be forgetful and my boyfriend doesn’t always let me know when he makes the plans but eventually he does and he always says where. I would like that you have to dig for it. 

Post # 4
520 posts
Busy bee

I always get at least a few hours heads up that FH is going out and I am almost always invited unless he knows it’s something I’m going to say no to. If he goes out spur of the moment, which is rare because he works so much, he texts me where he’s going and with who and and estimated time to be back home. 

Post # 5
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Notifying your partner of your plans and whereabouts is common courtesy that any and every reasonable person ought to expect in a partner once you live together. He’s being an ass. 

Post # 6
1406 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah no …. This would annoy the shit out of me. We always discuss our weeks plans and have a fridge calendar so we know each other’s movements. Plus we often invite the other person along if we have been invited out.

Post # 7
154 posts
Blushing bee

My Dh will always let me know his plans for the week. We, and our friends are busy people so it’s necessary to plan our weeks and I generally know his schedule. If something comes up I always get a text with details and timelines. I do the same. Its courtesy. I’d be really ticked if he just got up, walked out and said “goin’ out, be back in a few”.

Post # 8
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

That would bother me as well.

Post # 9
138 posts
Blushing bee

Before my partner and I got together I was single and lived alone for seven years. I became extremely used to being on my own.


We have been together for two years now and we’ve lived together for 1 year and 9 months. The reason I mention this is when I do go out without him (which is not often) I try to tell him hours or days in advance about my plans out of courtesy however even after two years of being with him I do miss being able to just get up and do my own thing without having to touch base with anyone beforehand every now and again, I am still getting used to it!


I wonder whether a bit of this is going on for him.

Post # 10
1148 posts
Bumble bee

It would bother me if my husband didn’t tell me he was going out until 10 minutes before he left. However, when you said that you wanted to know where and with whom and details of that ilk, I just got flashbacks of my mother asking me that when I was a teenager. 

Post # 11
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

As long as we don’t already have plans, this isn’t really an issue for us. There’ll be times a friend calls me early in the morning on the weekend and asks if I want to get breakfast. He’s usually still asleep, so I’ll gently nudge him and let him know I’m going out for breakfast. He never asks where or with who, he just wants to go back to sleep. 

Last minute plans don’t bother us so much, but they aren’t something that happens often. Sometimes I forget that I’ve made plans until my calendar alert goes off so I don’t always give advanced notice. As long as a quick “hey I’m running out to do X and I’ll be back around Y time” is given, that’s all that’s really expected. 

Post # 12
830 posts
Busy bee

It seems odd to me. I agree with others, it’s common courtesy. You’re not asking him to ask permission before making plans, you’re not trying to interfere with his plans, you just wanted the courtesy of being told beforehand (or as soon as it is known) and other general information like where to. 

I don’t usually ask “with who specifically”, but if it’s someone I know, he would tell me “I’m catching up with such and such”. Otherwise “it’s a work thing”. I don’t ask where other than out of curiosity / interest sometimes. It’s the same vice versa. We would usually let each other know the day before at least, or if last minute, as soon as known. We would also usually check with the other person if we have other plans if it’s the weekend (in case we already had plans). 

I think it’s all pretty much basic courtesy. Your fiancé either has some kind of hang up about being “controlled” or has something to hide or is just generally being self centred lol.. I would have a conversation about it if he continues like this. 

Post # 13
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I have never had this happen in any relationship ever.  Worst case scenario we’re sitting doing our own thing and he’ll say “just found out/remembered people are getting together at the bar.  It’s only going to be the guys but you’re welcome to join if you want”(which he knew I wouldn’t).

Does he really like spending time with you?

Post # 14
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

jennyb1705 :  Totally weird. I think he is being shady,  personally, and is hiding something.  Pull an experiment: next time y’all are just chillin at home, get up and go get dressed with hair, makeup,  sexy outfit. You know he is going to ask where you’re going so say “out with a friend”. Turn that shit around on him.  Who says what area they will be in and not “I’m going to x bar with my buddy Mike”. Hes not forthcoming with info for a reason and he’s turning it around on you like you’re being nosey and insecure if you ask. Huge red flag. I’d investigate. 

Post # 15
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Definitely would annoy me, because that should have just come up in conversation or as a courteousy. I don’t always clear things with my husband before making separate plans with my girlfriends if I’m sure we don’t already have something planned, but I’ll tell him next time I talk to him: hey going out with the girls on xyz night. He’ll probably ask who and where and when just so he can plan accordingly and just as a part of normal conversation, not in a controlling parental way. 

Do you communicate well in other aspects? 

jennyb1705 :  

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