(Closed) When He lies I…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: When your fiance lies to you it tends to be
    about something trivial he doesn't want to get caught in : (32 votes)
    57 %
    something serious that he really screwed up with : (5 votes)
    9 %
    a pattern I can count on in the future... get help soon! : (5 votes)
    9 %
    a one time thing once he sees how hurt you are : (14 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    No, Darling Husband has never lied, but he’s left stuff out in order to avoid a fight before. He only did this a couple times early on in the relationship until he realized that doing that actually made things worse than if he had just been upfront in the first place. My only advice is to tell him that while the truth might be hard to deal with at first, you will ultimately be easier on him for being honest than if he lies. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1315 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Make him sit down and watch a couple episodes of any tv series. The lie will Always come out, and its Always worse for it! Also, if you plan to have children, you need to prod him on that, about being a good influence etc.

    Post # 7
    Member
    163 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    What does he lie about? I can’t think of a time when my husband has lied to me, though I know he must have at some point. I agree that if he was casually lying that would make me feel really weird. Have you guys thought about doing pre-marital counseling? Maybe this is something you could bring up in that setting.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1205 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Our one big huge fight ever, the only one that brought us close to ending our relationship, was about his pattern of [usually minor] lies to keep himself out of “getting in trouble” with me.  Not okay.

    We ended up going to counseling and it helped so, so much–couples counseling can be wonderful! Fiance is also pursuing individual counseling and it’s helping him a lot in other ways, too.  I saw a counselor for a number of years and may eventually go back, too; I think it is invaluable to have a third party to bounce ideas off of and to ask questions that you might not ask yourself.

    Post # 9
    Member
    401 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I feel like my Fiance lies to me about little things now and then. It’s almost stuff that a kid would lie to a parent about. I don’t appreciate it at all and have told him that but I honestly feel I can trust him with big things. I’ve NEVER felt like he lies to me about where he is or what he’s doing.

    Some things I think he isn’t always truthful about are money situations. I’m a full time student and I make very little so until I graduate (next may!) so much of the financial stuff falls to him and I feel bad about it. I think it’s a little tough and he doesn’t want me to worry about it so he plays it off like everything is fine. I’m not too worried about this though because when we’re married I will be making more and we will share finances so it’ll be better.

    Post # 10
    Member
    144 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    hes pretty honest with me whether i like it or hate it, which i love and hate, oddly enough :s thats why i love him… he lacks the filter between the thoughts in his head and his mouth

    Post # 11
    Member
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My husband kept something huge from me once when we were dating for about a year. I wouldn’t say he outright lied, but he didn’t tell me about it either. Definitely was not ok, and he almost lost me over it…so I think he’s learned his lesson at this point.

    I’m also curious to know what your Fiance is lying about. And if my husband ever dismissed me like that, there would be heck to pay. Especially if he had just lied to me about something. He needs to understand that there are consequences for his lying, and one of those might be losing you if he doesn’t cut it out.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    MY Fiance lied to me about where he was and what he was doing the whole month he was looking at engagement rings, but I accept that kind of lie just fine.  Other than that, he doesn’t lie, and if he does, he’s so good at it I don’t know.  We live together and spend tons of time together, so I’m not really sure what he’d have to lie about anyways.  Any lying is just unnecessary, IMO.  What’s the point in it?  It’s definitely not a good foundation for any kind of relationship, even with petty lies.

    Post # 13
    Member
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @mcnetn3: You’re right! I forgot about him fibbing when he was looking for my engagement ring for me. That was definitely the only other time he has ever knowingly lied to me as well, but that was sort of sweet…

    Post # 14
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I’ve caught him lying to me once, and it was stupid. We now have a running joke about me joining the CIA. Wink

    Post # 15
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    This is an interesting post… my Fiance has never lied about anything major, but he is guilty of white lies. And boy do they drive me nuts! Most of our silly fights are due to the fact that he’ll lie about something to make me happy. It’s very dumb things; our most recent was that I took him out to dinner at a fancy restaurant for his birthday in April and I just found out that he didn’t really like the food, but told me he did because he knew how much I liked it. It seems so silly when I type it, but I hate being under false impressions, no matter how small. So, yes he lies, and when I find out, we have a discussion. But, hey, if that’s the worst of it, I won’t complain too much Smile

    Post # 16
    Member
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    my Darling Husband has never lied to me.  That I know of course.  I trust him.  I suspect if he did it’d be over something trivial – like eating junk food!

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