(Closed) When your SO messes up…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: If my SO stood me up on a date
    Understand that there must be external reasons and forgive instantly : (6 votes)
    8 %
    Give SO an opportunity to make it up to me, but be a little cranky about the whole deal : (53 votes)
    69 %
    There Will Be Hell To Pay : (18 votes)
    23 %
    Talk to a friend about it, but play it off with SO : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    If there’s one thing I can’t STAND, it’s to get stood up. If it’s an SO doing it, obviously there has to be a little leeway, and I think you handled it well (though four hours is a bit ridiculous). But if a friend stood me up for four hours with no decent explination? Hell to pay. Possible end of friendship. I am not down with sitting somewhere having to entertain myself while waiting on someone else.

    Also, the “already ate” message would result in at LEAST a light throttling of the windpipe.

    Post # 4
    2224 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I’d say my reaction goes in stages of all of those answers. First, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAAAY! Second, calm down, whats the reason he’s late? Third, I’m still cranky but I will allow you to make this up to me.

    I gotta say, OP, I totally admire your control in your reaction. 

    Post # 7
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Things happen, I’d forgive him and move on, no need to get upset about it. I haven’t gotten formally stood up like that but there have been times when we were supposed to talk/ see each other and can’t  get in contact because his phone dies constantly.

    Post # 8
    9891 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I really don’t see too much of a problem with what happened, and here’s why:  You had told him earlier, when he let you know he was running late (as he should), that you were fine, getting wine and an appetizer with a friend.  At that moment you let him off the hook.   

    If, instead, your response at that time had been, “Honey, I am alone here and waiting for you in this restaurant and you need to get here asap or I will be upset,” or something along those lines, then, you would have a right to be somewhat pissed.  But you let him off the hook by telling him it was no big deal to start with.  So, of course he probably felt a little relieved and less anxiety to rush to get to you.  Which, really, was very nice of you to do for him.  You were fine, he apologized and had a very good reasons for why he ran so late.  He knew you were with a friend and safe and not sitting there all alone.  So, it all worked out fine.  People run late sometimes, shit happens.  It’s not a big deal.  If you give him a lot of crap for this, NOW, after the fact and now that you made it seem as though it was OK at the time it happened, he’s not going to be very happy with you.

    Try to put yourself in his place and treat him now how you would want to be treated under the same circumstances.

    Post # 10
    9891 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @ciel:  Thank you for clarifying, that makes more sense.  I think I focused only on one part of your post to the exclusion of your original question, sorry. 

    To answer, my Fiance has “messed up” what I consider to be “big time mess up” only a couple of times.  The worst time was hard for me to process but with his patience and explanations it helped me at least understand his point of view.  He’s never done anything so far that I felt need to be made up to me, though.  Maybe I just need to give him, time, lol. 

    I love what you said about having “credit in the bank.”  It does seem to work that way.  When my Fiance “messed up” and hurt my feelings, I had to keep remembering who he really is, the man I know and love and his true nature.  I know his heart and soul and the 99.9% perfect and loving things he always does for me definitely make it worthwhile to get through the tougher things that may arise.  It makes a huge difference knowing how deeply they love us, doesn’t it?

    Post # 12
    9891 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @ciel:  Haha!  We’re so much like labradors ourselves!  And flowers are usually a good way to smooth things over.  Come to think of it, he got me flowers, too, after that last time, lol.  At least they’re smart.  😉

    Post # 13
    24 posts

    Wow you definitely remained cool during that situation but I’m really not clear on how he “messed up” unless there was some SERIOUS miscommunication here. There was a date, it was clearly a nice restaurant, as you were dressed up, and then he says he’s dealing with a hobby? And that he ate? What part of this plan didn’t get through to him correctly? I can’t see how a guy would have a plan to meet at a fancy restaurant and then to text his girlfriend that he already ate. Something about this really doesn’t make sense to me.

    Post # 15
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    No question about it, I get pretty cranky.

    Post # 16
    2547 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Hm, I would have been really upset. I mean, I would have forgiven him, but I just think that’s completely rude. If he had to work late then that’s one thing, that kind of thing can’t be helped, but travelling to another town, for a hobby, is irritating, when plans are already in place. And you are already at the restaurant as well.

    The topic ‘When your SO messes up…’ is closed to new replies.

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