(Closed) When he promises To propose/marry you

posted 11 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Did he keeps his promise to propose by a certain time?

    yes he proposed by the time he said he would

    no he postponed but eventually proposed

    no he didn't propose by the time he said he would and i left

    he never proposed

  • Post # 17
    Member
    7038 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @missmichigan: “I do not believe in pressuring men into proposals”

    But you believe in ultimatums?

    Post # 18
    Member
    1344 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think you need to (unfortunately) have patience and see if he holds up his end of the bargain.

    My Fiance and I dated for about 4 years before we started talking about getting married. He too told me that we would get married within a year of that conversation. In reality, it was more like a year and a half before he actually proposed to me, but it was mostly due to us moving, him changing jobs, etc and not because he had cold feet/changed his mind. It was a busy year for us so the proposal was pushed off a bit. I was upset about it, for sure, but I knew it was coming and I *tried* to be as patient as I could.

    I totally understand that this is easier said than done, as I’ve been in your situation before.

    Good luck to you and I think that you will find the waiting boards helpful to you if you are feeling like you are at the end of your rope!! 🙂

    Post # 19
    Member
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Claudia30: I was kind of in this position too. Fiance and I were friends for 7 years, and together for almost 6 years before we got engaged. I knew that I wanted to marry him, and I basically felt like 6 years was long enough for anyone to determine if they want to get married to the person they were with. So I kind of said that to him; I wasn’t by any means PRESSURING him or worse BEGGING him to propose, but because marriage was something that I wanted, I felt like if he didn’t see a future for us that maybe it would best if we went our seperate ways. So not like “propose now or else” but more of “we’ve had 6 years; either it’s right or it’s not and so maybe we should make that decision”.  It took me so much courage to say that because I was afraid of what he might say. He told me he had always planned on marrying me and was actually afriad of what I would say (I’ve always been a kind of independent type person). We got engaged within 6 months of that conversation.

     

    Post # 20
    Member
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    @Claudia30: It definitely won’t be easy, but when June/ July comes, you’ll know that he did what he felt he needed/ wanted to do. It’ll be worth it. 

    Does he understand that you want children and if you wait a few more years to get married, it may be too late?

    Post # 21
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @crayfish: Well not for me.  Ive had a friend in a similar situation.  The ultimatum should come into the situation if you are older (28 +) and really want kids soon.  I dont mean to sound hypocritical.  I just dont believe in pressuring someone.  but if he says he wants to get married and they are wanting kids, she should say well we need to bite the bullet or I need to move on!

    Post # 22
    Member
    5259 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    None of these options fit us, so I can’t totally relate.  We talked about marriage right away and from then on he was talking me into it.  But, OP, it sounds to me like you have to do your best to wait, but also express your concerns.  This is completely between the two of you.  I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

    It sounds like you trust him and he promised, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about- but if you feel very uncomfortable- talk with him.

    Post # 23
    Member
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    My Fiance had told me back in the beginning of 2009 that he would propose sometime that year, which is sooo long of a timeline lol. Well, he didn’t, he waited an extra 4 months and proposed on our 3 year anniversary. He got the ring in the beginning of January and popped the question in April.

    Post # 24
    Member
    4005 posts
    Honey bee

    I think you’re going about this the right way. My husband and I discussed marriage, and he was curious as to how long it took to plan a wedding. We knew what year we wanted to get married in, and I told him that I would like at least a year to plan. He told me that we would get married in the year that we did, and he would give me a year to plan, so I wasn’t expecting anything sooner than the end of that year. He ended up proposing that August and we got married the following September.

    I think the way you’re approaching it is great – he let you know what the timeframe was, and it sounds like he knows how important it is to you. My bet is that he keeps his promise as long as you keep your mental promise not to say a word.

    Post # 27
    Member
    116 posts
    Blushing bee

    Oh how this sounds all too familiar to me. My other ½ and I have been together for 4 years now, but have known each other for 6 (he was my neighbor) we have lived together all 4 years and even relocated together. We have had “the talk” several times and he knows exactly where I stand on the idea of marriage; and I do understand that he comes from a divorced family and that it wasn’t something he took very well as a kid. A year into our relationship was the first time we had a serious conversation about the topic, as a joke I stated that I would like to be married by the time the world came to an end talking about the 12/21/12 dooms day prophecy and he replied back with “I promise we will be!” That was 3 years ago, then this New Year’s as we’re counting down to bring in 2012 he reminded me of what he said about 12/21/12 and being married before it; I jokingly replied with “that doesn’t mean we get engaged 12/19, marry on 12/20 and then 12/21 comes around I would like to enjoy an engagement!” He laughed and we kissed in the New Year. Well, today as of today, April 27th 2012 nothing yet. He made a check list of all the things he needed (financially) to accomplish this year. Here was his list: 1-put a new roof on my mom’s house 2-pay off my truck 3-save money (20k) as a down payment for a house, I’m tired of renting; with this list I looked up at him and nodded my head thinking to myself ring nor wedding was on that list. He looked at me and I think he knew my thoughts and immediately revised his list stating 1-New roof, 2-Pay off truck, 3- A ring for you and 4- money for a house. I smiled and said “Oh!” (this was 1 month ago) We are taking a trip to Orlando at the end of August and then another trip in November to the Dominican Republic, I personally made a mental timeline of “if nothing happens by 7/23/12 then I’m out of here!” My question to everyone is, how long should I wait? I’m 29 and he’s 34, we are not spring chickens, don’t you know if you want to marry me by now? He knew that I wanted to enjoy an “engagement” period, what’s the deal?

    Post # 28
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Pretty much to the day!

    Post # 29
    Member
    797 posts
    Busy bee

    none of these answer. It was a surprise, no timeline previously discussed. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    He told me in August 2011 that we would be engaged before the new year and he proposed Oct 2011 so yes he kept his promise:)

    Post # 31
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    My Fiance and I started living together so we wouldn’t have to do long distance anymore because of college. I told him that I didn’t feel right living together without being engaged about 2 years into the relationship. He told me “it wasn’t on his mind at the time and he was more focused on having fun with me”. That hurt me deeply for the longest time. Only to find out, he told me that so he could trick me into thinking that it wasn’t going to happen. I still think that was messed up of him to say to me, just because he wanted to surprise me. I would have been equally surprised either way! He proposed 6 months later 😉

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