Post # 1
So, I think I have a pretty good idea of what I want my wedding/reception to look like (and I say “my” wedding b/c my Fiance is not helping at all & has absolutely no (constructive) opinion about anything). I have created flickr pages, and try to give as much illustration as possible.
I’m just irritated right now (admittedly perhaps overly emotional & frustrated) with suggestions that are so not consistent with the ideas that I have & have expressed. For instance the linen people suggested accent linens in a color that didn’t go AT ALL with the funky-style linen I had picked out. They KNOW what the linens are, why would you suggest a pastel color to go with it?? Nothing about my wedding is traditional, but I’m getting suggestions for musicians (from my day-of coordinator & mom–both of whom know what I am planning & had samples of the kinds of musicians that I actually like) that sound like they just completed a funeral march or performed the Easter Service at some church. :-/
Maybe its not a huge deal, but I am doing everything by myself, from far away, in addition to school, health issues, etc., so having to field unhelpful suggestions from people (in a polite way) is super draining & even more frustrating b/c I feel like if they are going to take time to suggest things, then at least take the time to think if these suggestions are actually going to be helpful. GRRRRRRRRR!
Post # 3
That must be really annoying! Maybe because your wedding is not traditional, it’s hard for them to figure out what would fit in. In your head, it probably all makes sense and fits together, but for another person, it might be hard to envision. My mom always has suggestions for me too, and they don’t always fit in with our concept for the day. No matter how much I try to explain my style to her, it’s hard for her to completely leave the traditional wedding mentality behind. Same with vendors – they know what they have done, and they don’t usually offer superhelpful suggestions – I have to go in asking for what I want. If you do want a nontraditional wedding, that might be the only way to get it.
Post # 4
I understand this can be very frustrating, but try to keep in mind that, often, when people make suggestions they are *trying* to be helpful. I agree with girlwitharing, that it may be difficult for other people to see your vision- even when you carefully illustrate it. After all, this is your vision, not theirs, so they haven’t already got this in their heads. And since “nontraditional” isn’t really that descriptive, you’ll end up with a lot of “traditional” things suggested- both because some people can’t let go of certain traditions and because others don’t see the same things as traditional. Try to keep your head up- and remember, they’re only suggestions. You can always say no!
Post # 5
@hedgeknits – I am trying to stay nice & appreciative when people give totally unhelpful & inconsistent suggestions–which is why it’s so draining to me, b/c I have to look at whatever they suggested and think of a nice response email or call to tell them in a polite way how it isn’t helpful.
I just feel like when I send someone examples of the instruments that I like and its a single saxophonist and they respond with a 4 piece band WITH A PIANO that is not even anywhere in the same category and they have to realize that. Maybe I just did a better job with “Which of these things is not like the other” than some people, and I don’t think that people are intending to put additional work on me, but its frustrating and tiresome nonetheless. 🙁
Post # 6
i can understand. if you have a clear image of you wedding is really annoying to have people dont get it. just take a depth breath and just use a polite “thanks, but that is not the look im looking for”