(Closed) when i married you i married your family too

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Maybe you should set up a poll it would be easier to see the results.

Post # 4
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I guess it depends on the context… but, yes, you do now belong to another family.  Married to the family, hardly.  But part of the family – absolutely.

Post # 5
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@rozzy:  Eh, I don’t think it’s 100% true.  I mean I only see my ILs once a year, sometimes twice a year – so they really aren’t in our life.  We don’t have to deal with pop ins or unexpected visits or any drama really.  They have no power over our life or our decisions.  They are an extention of my H, but I did not marry my ILs.  I really really like them though.

 

If he were part of a big Greek or Italian family that lives right next door (like in My Big Fat Greek Wedding) then I guess the statement would be more true.

 

Post # 6
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

My husband and his entier family are super close. He is also one who believes very strongly in family ties. I knew this well before we were engaged that if I married him his entier family came with him. Considering that I don’t really have a family it has been a huge change for me, but a fun one none the less.

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wait, wasn’t there another post like this today?

Post # 9
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

NO WAY

When I marry you, IF your family and friends are nice and decent, I will be nice and decent back. But I do not owe them anything – time, interest, friendship, information abiut my life, etc.

You marry the person, not the family.

Post # 10
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would agree, somewhat.

I’m in no way obligated, but at some point we’ll be spending time with his family, so it’s best to get along.

You can only hope for a great Mother-In-Law.

Post # 11
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree to an extent. When you marry someone, you really are directly linked to their family. If everyone plays nice and gets along, it can be great – you really gain something. If there are family issues, these issues are now yours as well.

However, I would hope that if it came down to it, my Fiance would support me if there were ever any issues b/w myself and his family (unless of course I really was in the wrong, for whatever reason). I would do the same for him.

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I think it depends on the your intended’s relationship with his family. If he sees his family as an integral part of who he is, then you are indeed marrying (into) his family. You can’t go into a marriage and treat one of the most important parts of his life disrespectfully. They aren’t going to be perfect people, and they likely see you the same way, but that’s part of family – you didn’t get to chose your parents either.

Answer changes when abuse, personality disorders, treating you like dirt are involved… but still, only to the extent to which your Fiance indicates. If his family (truly) is horrible and spiteful to you, and your Fiance doesn’t back you up because “they’re family”… why are you marrying him?

Post # 13
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am so happy to be marrying his friends.

I am less happy about marrying his family (especially his verbally abusive monster of a father). That being said, we live 6.5 hours away! So thank God for small/huge favors!

 

Post # 14
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

yes i agree with this as long as your Fiance views them as family

Post # 15
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@rozzy:  While I believe that this is true, this kind of thing varies for each couple depending on pre-existing familial ties. I do believe by marrying your partner, it requires respect for each others’ families, but it doesn’t obligate you to become best friends with everyone. Both our parents are divorced, so we have a complicated situation. For example, my dad’s side of the family is close — we see each other all the time, and for holidays. His dad’s side of the family, on the other hand, are uppity and have no part in our lives — nor do they care! He says he hates them, so I’m “on his side” and support him in that. We used to try to make an effort to be around them, but he decided to give up on that because of the circumstances. I agreed with him. My sister and I used to be at odds, and he supported me — but in reuniting our sisterhood/friendship, he has also respected that and is friendly with her even though she’s taken her dislike of me out on him before for no reason. We don’t come from closely knit, “as a whole unit” families, though, so maybe that’d be different.

Post # 16
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@oracle:  +1

I most definitely married my Darling Husband, and Darling Husband only.  But now I’m a part of another family and that family is also a part of my life.  But Darling Husband and I make choices about our life that work for us; they have no say when it comes to things like when we will move, where we will move, house we buy, vacations we take, when we have kids, etc.   That’s all us!

The topic ‘when i married you i married your family too’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors