(Closed) when i married you i married your mom too?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I guess I lucked out, I love my inlaws almost as much as I love my blood kin. I fit in with them really well. They were always accepting of me from day 1! 

Post # 33
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

no. when i married you, i accept the fact that your fmaily is now my family. but im married to YOU , not YOU and YOUR MOM. which ultimately means YOU are the most important to me.

 

Post # 34
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I believe that when you marry someone that you marry the family too. Your spouse is now #1, but thier family or yours doesn’t just disappear. You are now apart of thier family, and you are apart of thiers like it or not. The only way you will not be involved with the families is if they/you don’t have one, and even that will become apart of your marriage. I don’t believe you can marry someone and expect to not have to deal with thier families, it will definitely cause strain. 

I am in no way saying they should know everything, or even have any say so in decisions. In fact I will say make sure they don’t know everything and be sure to keep them out of decisions. Though you are now apart of each others families. Thats why they become, Mother-In-Law, Father-In-Law, SIL, etc and not just my husbands mother. 

Post # 36
Member
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@Nona99:  My. Hero. Ha.

In our marriage, I think I married his family but he did not marry mine. And I am very close with my family so that kinda stunk.

Post # 37
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s wise to do your best to build good relationships with your spouse’s family, things are a lot more pleasant and fun that way… for me, I definitely keep my trap shut about disagreements and do my best to keep things smooth even when it pains me, because having a calm happy relationship with FH’s family is more important than being right or speaking my mind on 99% of things. 

That said, if they really stink, all that matters is that your spouse takes your side completely. 

Post # 38
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yep.  And mine is the crazy mom.  I don’t know how he does it.  I tend to end up with my dad and DH is humoring my mom and I love him even more for it!

Post # 39
Member
3376 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I do think it really depends on your relationships with your family, and I wouldn’t phrase it this way, but if your spouse is close with his family and you don’t develop relationships with them, it’s for sure going to put strain on your marriage.  My marriage is my first priority (my DH comes first to me), but when we got married we joined one another’s families.  His family is impoartnat to him, and as such, they are important to me.

Post # 40
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Depends. If your Fiance is close to his family they you are definitely marrying them in a way. You will absolutely have to spend time with them, perhaps lots of time so you better be able to tolerate them. 

Post # 41
Member
358 posts
Helper bee

Yes! I think people don’t really think about or expect the commitment they make when marring someone. You are family now and they will be at every major holiday, graduation, birthday, the birth of your children and for frequent visits for the rest of your life. It’s not like an old college buddy who won’t be around in 15 or 20 years, family is family.

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