(Closed) When Is A Relationship "Official?"

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t do ‘casual sex’ and I met a man – FH – that didn’t either (at least, not if he didn’t think it meant something…it didn’t always). Also, I’m not in the business of ‘dating around’, as in, being flirty and cutsey and kissy with multiple guys because ‘i like them’. I like one guy, focus on him. If it doesn’t work, I’ll move on. But I don’t have backups/options. 

He asked me to be his girlfriend after we kissed on the 3-4th date, and I said yes. Had he not asked me, I would have assumed we were on the path to becoming bf/gf – and I would have been right. 

 

 

 

Post # 48
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

It’s official when you both agree that it is.  With my ex-husband, we became official on our fourth date, and we put it on Facebook.  We both said we were falling for each other, and we agreed to be exclusive.

With my current guy, we became official on our fourth date as well (didn’t realize that until just now), although we didn’t put in on Facebook.  Our families are SUPER nosy, and neither of us wants to go there.  I told him a couple days ago I was starting to fall for him, but he claims he fell for me the first moment he saw me. 

Post # 49
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think we had “that talk” but didn’t actually ask until a few weeks later… “that talk” was really just my then-boyfriend saying that I wasn’t allowed to ask him out (he knew I had done that with my ex) I spent the next few weeks feeling the injustice of that request while he laughed at my obvious frustration. I was 19… this stuff was more important to me than it is now, I was miffed!

Eventually I indirectly asked him out by telling him this long story about how my aunt asked my uncle to marry him. It got him to ask me out (by that I mean to be girlfriend/boyfriend) and we both laughed about it.

The best part of this story? He made that request because he knew it would throw me off and make me mad – he really didn’t care if I asked him or not. It was a really well-executed joke that I totally fell for. He still laughs about it 6 years later!!!

At least it’s a funny story, but at least I don’t fall for his ridiculous jokes as much anymore! Don’t let that fool you into thinking they’re not still there though (or still funny – they are!)

So yeah… I think you do need to talk about being exclusive (which really should come with the BF/GF label) to take the step towards a “serious” relationship

Post # 50
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

For me, a conversation has to happen in order for there to be a relationship. I brought up exclusivity with my fiance after we dated a few weeks. He was sooo happy I asked, because he was unsure of where I stood at the time. Anyway, it is a mistake to assume a man is exclusive with you without the conversation in my opinion…

Post # 52
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Fi and I didn’t have a conversation.  We both wanted went into the first day with only eachother in mind.  Two months later we were still unsure and since I was his first girlfriend he really didn’t know how to ask.  We spent Easter with his family and his cousin introduced us to his so as “this is mrsearock’s girlfriend”

After that, we actually talked about it.

Post # 53
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@megz06:  That’s awesome that you did that. More people than not would continue talking to everyone just because it’s ‘harmless’. Funny, I met FH online too – but through AIM (yeah, remember that??). And I wasn’t talking to any real/virtual men during the time I thought I liked him, either. 

 

Random side story: My computer sent him a virus (you know one of those “Hi, if you would like to blablabla” whatever) and he replied with “Hey just so you know, smth’s wrong with your computer. If you’re not already a computer”. I laughed and said “Ha! Thanks. Not a computer.”…and it all went from there. 

Post # 54
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

For us, it was when he asked me to be his girlfriend and both of us agreed that we didn’t want to see anyone else.  We’d been hanging out for about 2.5 months at that point. 

Post # 55
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

megz06

i was in a relationship where this wasnt ever established. we were together “on and off” for five years. I always thought we were but then this would happen. he didnt like to talk. we started out being the best of friends and anyways didnt work out. My Darling Husband actually asked me to be his girlfriend while we were sitting on the couch. So i think he has to be said among both people. If you dont… some one will prob get hurt

Post # 56
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee

@megz06:  For me, it was after we had the talk.  lol. We had already been ‘officially’ dating, but I was keeping my options open and seeing other people.  I was in love with my SO, didn’t want to scare him away so I avoided this talk.  We had already kissed, done the dirty, and he was the only one I was intimate with.  However, I felt guilty so I let him know…I have been casually seeing other people.  I like you a ton, want to see where this goes, do you feel the same?  Then he was like…I’ve only been dating you and taking this very serious from day one.  oops on my part, cause we should’ve talked sooner.

My point:  Unless they have the talk there is no telling where they are at.  Don’t need facebook or a kiss, but some sort of confirmation of exclusivity and mutual feelings of moving forward to be official.

And congrats on your pregnancy!!!!

 

 

 

 

Post # 57
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee

@megz06:  I’ve also wondered your brother’s age.  I have a younger bro too….5 yrs and he just went through a break up with his fiance and now he’s dating someone else.  On the one hand, I’m not EAGER to be around this new girl until I know how serious he is about her….on the other hand, I wonder what it must be like to be around my parents, my SO and me, coupled up friends and be the only single one      🙁  Right, this girl MAY feel a tad uncomfy but if she really likes your bro and they have a future, well, let her be there for him if that’s what he wants/needs right now 🙂  Just a thought!

Post # 58
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

Fiance & I dated for three or four months before we had the “official” chat. Neither of us were seeing anyone else, but I was living quite a long way away and we wanted things to progress naturally I guess.

Post # 60
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@megz06:  Darling Husband and I weren’t official until we had the conversation, he asked me to be exclusive and I agreed.  I think its dangerous to assume exclusivity and could lead to hurt feelings.

Post # 61
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

When you talk about it. Darling Husband asked me to be “his girl” after our 3rd date. Maybe it’s kinda high-school but I loved it. I was absolutely giddy:)

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