(Closed) when is enough enough. whats the deal breaker for you?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

His contempt toward you worries me.  Sounds like you two need to get to the heart of what’s wrong.  I think you should suggest marriage counseling to him and see how he reacts.

Post # 3
Member
1142 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Now. You should call quits now.

Post # 4
Member
38 posts
Newbee

This man is emotionally abusing you. Leave now before it gets worse.

Post # 5
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Kauai

If I were in your position, my gut reaction would be to fight fire with fire – it feels good, in the moment, to release your pain…but it feels worse later on.

But, since I’m an outsider, I hope you will seek more productive ways to repair this relationship, such as through marriage counseling. We have a minister to go to.

Alternatively, have him go with you to your doctor. It may bring him back to reality.

Do you understand the source of his stress? Maybe it’s financial. If he felt stretched thin before the pregnancy, he must feel an impossible burden now.

That said, I am not excusing his immature behavior, just offering some thoughts on ways to get back on the same page with the man you love and the father of your children.

All the best, dear.

Post # 6
Member
6436 posts
Bee Keeper

arkansas23:  Sweetie, please leave.  This is more than just verbal abuse, it sounds like he’s emotionally abusing you too.  Can you and your children stay at your mom’s house?

Post # 7
Member
3221 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Please find someplace safe to stay, make a plan on how to get out while he isn’t there and get you and your children away. I’m pro choice, which means I feel it is up to the mother who is carrying a child to decide what to do with her pregnancies… And your husband is not the one with the deciding vote.

Post # 8
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with everyone who said you need to leave him.He is emotionally abusing you and thats how it starts before escating to physical abuse.I am sorry about what you are going through.I hope everything works out for  you.hugs

Post # 9
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Is this new behavior or has this been going on for a long time? Those are some very hurtful things he is saying to you, and it seems like he really doesn’t care about you. What would be the benefit of you staying with him? What are your alternatives? You need to think about these things. Things like this usually don’t get better, they get worse, so it would probably be in your best interest to leave.  That type of negativity and stress is not good for your baby either. Try to contact local domestic violence resources for help with counseling and planning your next move.

Post # 10
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

“Im a very good wife I cater to his every need”

Yeah, that is not what a good wife is. To be blunt, you’re a doormat. You are not his servant; you are his wife. There needs to be equal catering to each other’s needs. It really sucks that he isn’t excited about your pregnancy and is being so hateful. I am not one of those people who thinks you should bail at the slightest provocation, but if he is saying he hates you, hates that you’re pregnant, and is pressuring you to have an abortion, then that is a huge problem. I could definitely see it being a deal-breaker. You need to realize your self-worth, that women weren’t put on this earth to please men, and that you deserve to be treated with respect. If he refuses to treat you with love and respect, then he isn’t worth it.

Post # 11
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

Oh hun I’m so sorry. He is awful for saying that.

My last pregnancy was the end of my ex and I also. At least on my half.  I stayed 5 more years..Basically hating him.

I was on bed rest with pre -eclampsia and he only came to visit me one time in the week I was in the hospital (He did the same with the previous pregnancy when I was hospitalized with the mumps) because his sister was in town and didn’t want to offend her by not being available.  He started a fight on the phone while I was in the hospital (after begging for release promising it wouldn’t be too stressful to go home to my other children and I could maintain the bedrest) when I got home he continued the fight….for three days. I refused to fight with him.  Which just got him Angier.  He didn’t care to hear anything about my condition or support me…eventually he threw me on the bed as I tried to leave the room on the third day..them he wrestled me and threw my grandmother’s jewelry nox threw the wall!! Beside my head.  (Him being violent completely blindsided me..)

 

That was the end of any affection I had for him. He cared more about arguing that he had let me down by not visiting  than about my life and the life of our child.  I hated him from that day on.   I stayed 5 more years for the kids but that was it. 

Your husband sounds like a mean jack ass.  I hope you rape him with child support.

 

Post # 12
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

Leave, now. This will not get better, it will only get harder to leave.

His hatred towards your unborn child will be painfully obvious to that child from the moment they are born. The child will grow up feeling unwanted and blamed, and that is NO way to raise a child.

The child, and YOU for that matter, deserve love and support.

Leave now, raise your children in a loving environment. This man sounds like he wants out, badly. Let him go. The ones worth staying for will fight to make it work, he sounds as if he is fighting to break it up.

 

Post # 13
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My dad did the same to my mom when she was carrying my youngest bro.

The fights never stopped ever since my bro was born and it only got worst, even to this day.

My mom just lives with my dad for the sake my the bros.

 

Maybe my mom’s case was different because my dad never really was the good husband.

 

He is an alcoholic so arguments always happened for the most silliest thing.

Anyway, this is why sometimes I am afraid to get married.

Things changes after marriage.

Post # 14
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Leave! This would’ve been an deal breaker for me. If you stay, the situation will only get worse. He’ll start to resent you and the children and/or leave you. He hates when you’re pregnant??? What does that say about your other children? He was so wrong for saying those words to you. I hope you’re looking for a place to stay while you deal with this stressful situation. He’s a jerk!!

Post # 15
Member
2918 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

arkansas23:  He is either showing his true colors, or he’s had some kind of psychotic break. Which is it? You know better than we do. Was this behavior/attitude always lurking in the background? Or has something gone wrong in his brain? If this is just who he is: he is showing you now. Believe him and get the hell out. If this isn’t the real him and something’s gone wrong and he’s ill: Get him to the doctor immediately and don’t rest until the cause has been found. You have to be brutally honest with yourself because you KNOW what this is. The next move is yours. Don’t hesitate to make it.

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