- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
I feel like I am at a crossroads and my life is about to change. I am terrified. I have been with him for almost 6 years (since i was 19). we bought a house together a few years ago. He told me last night that he no longer wants to be with me, that he is fed up and wants to move out. We have been engaged for over a year and our wedding is next April. Our entire lives are intertwined in every aspect. The house is in both of our names, all of our bills are in both, our bank accounts, everything. We have been together for so long, we figured it would always be this way.
I think we both have had enough and are trying to decide whether disrupting everything we have is worth splitting up. We both cant afford the house without the other and in this economy, it will never sell. I dont know what to do. I am tired of putting 110% into something that he doesnt care about.
I work full time, go to school full time, have a very demanding job, very demanding school schedule, and I still have to do everything in the home. I cook, clean, do laundry, run the entire house all by myself. He does not help at all. He works, comes home and sits and plays video games for hrs. The past year has been hell. He hates his job, doesnt have the drive or determination to better himself and is a miserable person to be around. I have tried to be supportive, I have tried to help him figure OUR future out but nothing seems to be working. It has completely destroyed him as a person. He is not who I thought he was. He has just seemed to give up on life and I dont know what else to do to try to help him. I dont want to be with someone who just gives up when things get tough.
Whenever I ask him for help around the house, or ask for him to do something for me, it always turns into a fight. He complains the entire way through it, or asks a million questions and I always end up doing it anyway. I feel like I am in a relationship with myself. If I ask him to clean, its “i will later” or if I need him to go to the store “why cant you go” or if I ask him to do anything there is always an excuse.
Recently, I had a tragic death in my family (close family friend). He was not supportive at all. He didnt hold me when I cried, he didnt even try to be there. He just sat downstairs and played his video games and acted like I didnt even exist. He didnt come to the funeral, didnt act like anything had happened.
I keep telling myself, is that what I want for the rest of my life. Do I want to support someone who doesnt support me. I work so hard at work and at school to better our future, why cant he? When I am stressed and literally bursting with tears, why cant he pick up the slack? Why cant he see that I am drowning in responsibility when he lives in luxury and he doesnt even seem to care. I have tried so many times to explain to him that I need him to help me, I need him to be apart of this team, I need him to be in this relationship, it turns into a fight. He says I nag, or I bitch. Sometimes I do, sometimes i genuinely cry and go to him and cry that I need help. Nothing works.
I love him, but I just dont know if I can do this anymore. He is all I know. I have offered to go to counseling, he says no. I have checked out of this emotionally, mentally, physically. I am just not in it anymore. I dont want him to leave probably because I fear change. I fear losing my home that I have worked so hard for. I fear being alone.
hive, please help.