- 2 years ago
Hey Bees, lookng for some wise advice here!
I met this guy on bumble had our first date on June 15 (So nearly 7 weeks of dating). We saw eachother a lot the first few weeks, but then I had company in town over early july, he started working on building a garage, and I was at a festival this past weekend, so frequency has died off because of that, basically we went:
1 june 15
2 june 18
3 june 22
4 june 24
5 june 27
6 june 30
7 july 4
8 july 12
9 july 20
10 july 31
He is a gentleman and has taken me out on actual full dates for each of these evenings (Not one “netflix and chill” night!), picked me up, and would not allow me to pay despite me insisting. When i have asked him on dates (3/10 were me) he has always adjusted his plans to make time for me. Yesterday he worked from 5am to 10pm but STILL agreed to come to an astronomy observatory with me for their open house until 1am. He also has not pressued me for anything physically that I wasn’t ready for.
We have gotten very physical (oral), but haven’t had sex yet. I want to take it to the next level and sleep with him, but I don’t want to have sex if we aren’t exclusive because I know one I cross that line I won’t be able hold back emotionally. On the 20th we were gettting hot and heavy, and I asked his (foolishly timed!) as clothes were coming off “are you doing this with anyone else”, he said no and we continued, but he didn’t try and take it all the way. He drove me home and I said “Sorry to have put you on the spot early, I just didn’t think I would enjoy it if I didn’t ask. Because I’m not doing this with anyone else” and we didn’t discuss it further. Problem is, he is still active on bumble. Which I know I can’t be mad about, because we haven’t had “the talk”, and to the best of his knowledge I am also still on bumble.
Now our schedules are opening up a bit more and I’m going to see him friday, and I am pretty sure he is going to be expecting things to move to the bedroom and for sex to happen. Which I want, I’m really into him emotionally, super attracted to him and can see wanting a future. But again, I know I won’t be able to keep myself from falling too hard if we have sex, it’s too intimate and emotional for me (for some reason oral just doesn’t give me that feeling so I have been comfortable with that). I am afraid to bring up being exclusive because it is so early, and he hasn’t said anything about it, communicartion between dates has dropped since he started building his garage, and he is still actively on bumble.
What do I do? Is there a lighter way to ask him if he is going to be ready for exclusive relationship without feeling like I am pushing for too much, or holding sex as a carrot? If he’s not there yet but could be with time I don’t want to scare him off, or end up in something only because I pressured him. I feel like this many dates should be long enough to know if you want someone, but then I keep reading that you shouldn’t try and push thngs to more serious before 3 months.
I appreciate any feedback!