When is it appropriate to bring up exclusive?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

The right time to talk about being exclusive is when you decide you want to be exclusive. Communication early is the healthiest. I mean really you’ve been dating a month and a half you need to know if you’re on the same page. Every guy that I’ve ended up being serious with has been ready to be exclusive pretty much immediately. This 3 month thing sounds like people who date the wrong kind of guy 

Post # 3
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

Whenever you feel like you want to be exclusive, bring it up!

I agree with the previous poster, any guy I was exclusive with was willing to be exclusive from the beginning. 

Post # 5
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

A guy who wants to be exclusive won’t be scared off by the exclusivity conversation. A guy who wants to play the field and keep his options open will be. If you want exclusive, bring it up! You’ll find out what kind of guy he is and that’s good information to have 6 weeks into dating!

Post # 6
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

waitingforstripes :  Do you comfortable enough with this guy to have an adult conversation with him? I think it’s fair for you to ask what he’s looking for, where he sees this going, etc. If this is going to scare him off, that’s probably for the best.

I asked my fiance on our second date what his intentions were, and we made it “official” a couple weeks after but we both knew after that second date that we didn’t want to see anyone else. I had also had a lot to drink so I had some liquid courage lol.

Regarding him still being online, do you know if he’s actually using the dating apps? Or has he just not deleted them? I personally wouldn’t be too concerned, mainly because I don’t think guys always think to do that sort of thing right off the bat (delete their profiles/dating apps).

Post # 7
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

waitingforstripes :  no, I don’t think that’s a red flag. he might be unsure where you stand on it, so he’s probably keeping his options open in case you’re not interested in going exclusive.

the only way to know for sure is to bring it up!

Post # 8
Member
9536 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

like PP’s said–bring it up when you feel the need for exclusivity.

Stop worrying about what’s “OK” or trying to guess what he wants or expect him to guess what you want.  When you want the relationship to be exclusive, tell him.  If he says he doesn’t want that then at least you know and you can stop wasting time on him–either because you can date some other ppl too, to see if you find someone you like more, or you can ditch him and find someone else who’se looking for the same thing you are in a relationship.  

Dating isn’t about doing a song and dance perfectly to trick a man into thinking you’re exactly what he wants–it’s about showing somoene who you are and seeing who they are and figuring out if you guys work.  It’s totally normal to do the song and dance, of course, but I think the more we resist and the more we focus on being honest about our needs, the happier we’ll be ultimately.

Post # 9
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee

I will say this — one of my friends was dating another guy too when she first started dating her serious bf and was stressed that her now bf would bring up the exclusivity talk because she wasn’t ready to choose. In the end she chose him before they had the talk, but if he had brought it up too early it might have been awkward. 

That said, if he’s actually not seeing anyone else then he should know by now I agree. 

Post # 10
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee

I would do it sooner rather than later to make sure you’re on the same page before investing more time. It’s weird being the initiator when you’re not used to it, but it’s really not as big of a deal as it seems. You’ve been dating a couple of months now, the talk of where you guys are headed is an obvious next step. Just approach it directly, but casually. 

Post # 11
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

Just talk about it. Also how do you know he’s still active? Are you checking from your account? If he sees you’re still active too that’s probably why he hasn’t shut it down. 

Post # 12
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

I’m curious why your date frequency has slowed down in July.

Why did you not have a date for 11 days?

If he didn’t try to see you for that time I would suspect he IS dating other people.

But definitely talk to him!

Post # 13
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I was also very attracted to my partner when I first met him, and after a few weeks I knew I wanted our relationship to develop into something more. I asked if he’s seeing anyone else at the time. He shook his head and said no. I told him I also wasn’t. We knew from that conversation that we wanted to be exclusive. We’re engaged now!

Post # 14
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

You bring it up when you realize it’s what you would like. 

My fiance and I had that talk about a month in, but reality was that we were not seeing anyone else the whole time anyways. I don’t think I’ve ever dated ajyoan longer than a month without it either becoming exclusive or ending. 

Post # 15
Member
6637 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I would bring it up next time you see him, but NOT while you’re engaged in anything sexual/physical. Don’t frame it in the sexual way and it won’t seem like you’re using sex as a carrot. Just tell him that you are interested and would like to be exclusive, but wanted to know if he felt the same way. A man his age should be able to handle the conversation, and if a talk about being exclusive makes him bolt, then he wasn’t the man you thought he was or wanted him to be anyway. 

Him still being online isn’t a red flag. It isn’t a red flag unless he tries to skirt the issue of being exclusive. The only way to know is to ask. You don’t want him to play games, so you shouldn’t play games, either. Just ask.

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