When is it ok to not attend a wedding? Please!

posted 2 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Is it ok to miss a friend's wedding for my daughter's dance concert?
    Yes it is ok to put family first : (114 votes)
    75 %
    No it would be rude to miss the wedding : (38 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    1330 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

    I would absolutely pick my kid’s first anything over a wedding for people I’m not close with who have made comments about me putting my kids first. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    2527 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I would decline, my son comes before anything. And if a concert was important to him, I would go over a wedding. (unless it was family or a really close friend).

    Perhaps you can take her to her concert, and attend the wedding later? 

    Post # 18
    Member
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Go to your daughter’s dance recital.

    People get way too worked up over why others declined an invite to a wedding. It’s just an invitation, it’s not a summons and it’s not a big deal if some people don’t come. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    164 posts
    Blushing bee

    mummabride : I feel bad for you because it seems like you want to do everything. However, it would be very rude to miss the wedding over a child’s concert. The wedding is once in a lifetime. I am sure there will be another concert, school play, little league champion next year or next season. It is one small event in a very long list of things. It is not like a graduation or a really big event like a sweet 16 birthday. You could have someone else like a grandmother/ Aunt bring your daughter to the concert if she does not want to miss it and have the grandmother/ Aunt take a video so you can see. Lets be honest here after a month goes by the child wont even remember it and after a while you probably wont either. The couple will always remember that you were not there. Especially where your husband is in it. I find it very rude. I would say if your daughter is very sick or there is another wedding or funeral that day then decline but other than that you should go. A wedding is often the most important day in a persons life other than the birth of a child.  Only a emergency or a very important obligation( another wedding, funeral)would make it so you should decline. Sorry, I get that it stinks that it is on the same day but the couple will probably be offended where your husband is in it and all. I honestly wouldn’t want to miss seeing my husband in it. It is an important day. Once your child is grown it is going to be you and your husband and his friends. Your children will always be there but you need to live a balanced life. I think that means attending important weddings when you can. One concert is not a big deal. A wedding is though.  Where your kid is not invited that is kind of normal. Most people have adult receptions these days. 5 year olds seldom behave at formal events and even the ones that do. It is a long day for them.

    Post # 20
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    mummabride :  U should attend the wedding.  Wedding vs. a kids concert? It is too bad that it is at the same time but attend the wedding. The bride & groom will be upset with u. With a family member in it. It makes it more important.

    Post # 21
    Member
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    go to the concert, skip the wedding. you’re not particularly close to the couple and will likely not be close after. why trade seeing your kid on stage for rubber chicken and rubbing shoulders with people you don’t know well. You know as groomsman, your husband won’t have that much time to spend with you during the wedding so you’re basically attending solo. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    7002 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    There’s never a time when it’s NOT ok to decline an invitation. They are just that, an invitation, not a summons. Personally I think you should go to the recital, and let your fiance attend the wedding alone. If you REALLY want to go to the wedding, I would make arrangements to have whoever is keeping your daughter make sure she still get’s to participate in the recital.

    Post # 23
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    mummabride :  If you do not want to be friends with the couple attend the concert. If you want to be friends with them attend the wedding. Pretty simple. A 5 year old concert? IDK That is a stretch. It appears like you are one of those parents that thinks a child is going to hold it against you if you do not let the child get their way all the time.

    Post # 24
    Member
    120 posts
    Blushing bee

    I would be a bit slighted if someone chose a dance recital over my wedding TBH. I wouldn’t be totally hung up on it, but I prob wouldn’t be as warm or make as much of an effort for their upcoming wedding. I think your answer should depend on what type of friendship you see yourself having with this woman in the future.

    Post # 25
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Mom of two daughters here. I would go to the wedding and ask a grandparent or family friend to take her to the concert. I don’t see dance recitals as milestones though.

    But by all means, if you don’t want to go to the wedding, don’t!  Personally, I would be hurt if someone picked a dance recital over my wedding, but everyone’s priorities are different.  But you said you weren’t close to begin with, so that probably isn’t a big deal for you.

    Post # 26
    Member
    2455 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    My Darling Husband was a little stung when his aunt and uncle decided they couldn’t make it to our wedding because they had to drop off their teenage daughter at a summer camp.

    Invitations aren’t summons, but it still hurts when someone you thought would make it doesn’t.

    Post # 27
    Member
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    Go to your daughter’s concert. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    438 posts
    Helper bee

    My perspective is, truthfully, are these life-long friends or sort of casual friends? I think that relationship, even if it is just your husband that knows them, makes the difference. Are they people you will still be friends with in 5 years? Then go to the wedding. If these are casual friends that you don’t intend to see that often, go to the dance recital.

    As others have said, an invitation does not mean you MUST attend anything, especially if they have chosen to not invite kids. People are more than welcome to host a child-free wedding should they choose, it is their wedding after all! But I think that also comes with the understanding some people may have obligations with their children that mean they can’t attened. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    3444 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    He goes to the wedding, you go to the concert. No one should feel bad about missing a wedding for their children.

    Post # 30
    Member
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    also, i should add, you’re posting on a board that is centered around weddings so you’ll get a lot of people who will urge you to go to the wedding. You really don’t need to give any excuse for why you’ll miss a wedding. 

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