When is it ok to not attend a wedding? Please!

posted 2 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Is it ok to miss a friend's wedding for my daughter's dance concert?
    Yes it is ok to put family first : (114 votes)
    75 %
    No it would be rude to miss the wedding : (38 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 61
    4887 posts
    Honey bee

    Damn. What a spot. Well firstly, do you have a sitter for you daughter available? If not then, that’s your answer right there since kids aren’t invited. 

    Post # 62
    39 posts

    I am shocked by the responses here on this thread. TBH I want a childfree wedding, but if it was kid’s dance recital or performance of any kid I wouldn’t be missing it for the world. When I was performing my mom always made an effort to be there at least one time. Your daughter will remember her mom not being there for her recital. My mom was a teacher so she was hardly ever able to come to “parent” events and that sucked as a little kid when I saw everyone else’s mom there to support them. Weddings are all fun, but if I chose to spend it with my kid, I am going to, end of story. It doesn’t make me a bad friend, and people don’t actually think it is as weird as it is, for half a couple to attend a wedding. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you, it means the travel/time commitment was too much for them to take on, because I hate to break it to you, travel is expensive, especially when you pay all that money for dance lessons for your daughter. 

    Post # 63
    585 posts
    Busy bee

    If it was me, I would go to your daughter’s dance. If you don’t go to this wedding, I doubt the couple will even remember years down the road. As someone who grew up taking dance classes (and was a teaching assistant for a 5-year-old dance class for 6-years) it means so much to the kids! It’s so heartbraking when one child’s parents can’t be there – they look so sad. And at that age, sometimes they have a hard time sitting with the group for that long, and we ultimately have to get mom to come cuddle them for a little while (particularly if it is the evening show). I vote the dance, hands down.

    Post # 64
    585 posts
    Busy bee

    Also, you could also try to make the couple feel more included. Send a short video message of your daughter all dressed up and ready to go on the night of. You can even have her say something like, “I got to dressed up like a princess today! Mommy told me that you are a princess today too and that you found your prince! I bet he is very nice. Happy wedding day!” Or something like that – I have a feeling if it comes from your daughter, it will be very cute and much appriciated either way. Hard to get mad at that and at least it lets the couple know that you were thinking about them.

    Post # 65
    6409 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I cannot imagine missing my DD’s first dance recital. That IS a big deal – a really big deal for the child, too. Yes, weddings are important, but children’s firsts trump weddings for me. You may or may not be close with this couple years down the road, but I guarantee your Dear Daughter will never forget if she has to miss her first dance recital. My mum made me miss my first Halloween party at school in Kindergarten (nevermind that I was running a very high fever and puking), and I was shattered. I cried myself to sleep repeatedly (each time I woke up and remembered what I missed). I STILL tease my mum about it – not that she could have done anything else, but I still remember how that felt. I wouldn’t do that to a child unless it was absolutely necessary. Your semi-close-ish friend’s pretty princess day, or your daughter’s pretty princess day? No contest.

    To the PP who said your Dear Daughter won’t remember it in a week? I’m not sure what planet she’s on or how many children that age she has been around, but she will NOT forget. She especially won’t forget the unspoken statement that “grown-up” things are more important than she is.

    Post # 66
    2821 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think that since it’s so far out of town and your child wasn’t invited that it’s totally understandable not to go. When you have child-free weddings I think it should be understood that a lot of your friends with kids aren’t going to be able to make it. You’d have to get an overnight babysitter on top of all the travel and accommodation…

    Plus I think it’s quite sad for kids (and probably adults too) to work so hard towards something only to miss the thing that they’ve been working toward. 

    Post # 67
    147 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I know this thread is a few months old, but I just have to chime in and say I was shocked to see the number of responses saying the OP should skip her daughters first dance recital to attend the wedding.  I have a five year old daughter who had her first rectital last year and I simply cannot imagine missing it for anything.  She worked so hard and was so excited and it simply would have broken her heart to miss it or not see her momma in the audience.  Nor could I ever fathom being the kind of person who would not understand if the situation were reversed.  Now as they get older and are able to understand these decisions more and that occasionally a parent may have to miss an event, that is a different story, but at age 5, all they see is an audience without a mommy in it….  I was really shocked to read some of these responses.

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