(Closed) When is it 'ok' to tell people you're pregnant?

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 61
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

It just depends on your personal preferences! With my first baby, we told my parents and sisters at 6 weeks (we see them often and it was really hard to keep it secret, since they knew we were TTC and I had stopped drinking wine with dinner). We told my in-laws and a couple close friends at 8 weeks after we heard the heartbeat. Everyone else didnt find out until 14 weeks (including my work). We finally put something on Facebook around 16 weeks. I figured I’d want the support from our closest family and friends if I did miscarry, and I didn’t want to have to be like “so I was pregnant but now I’ve had a miscarriage and I just need some support.”

We’re TTC #2 now, and I think this time around (when/if I do get pregnant), we’ll just tell people as we see them in person after 6 weeks or so (when the risk of a super-early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy is gone), regardless of how early it is. I quit my job to stay home with our first, so I don’t have an employer to worry about now (last time, I really didn’t want someone at work to hear about it before I could tell them, so I was careful about telling anyone).

Last time, I had really awful morning sickness and felt so terrible for the first few months, but that was the time period where no one knew I was pregnant. Once everyone found out, everyone was all “is there anything I can do for you?” and “how are you feeling?” all the time. It’d be nice to have that support during the toughest part of the pregnancy. And again, if I were to miscarry, I think I’d deal with it better by being able to talk about it (this is totally a personality thing though), and I wouldn’t want to have to hide my grief and disappointment. We’ll probably skip the Facebook announcement entirely though this time… we’ve cut our Facebook friends lists way down to just people we’re actually close to (can’t be too careful when there are photos of your little one involved!), so everyone will probably know already anyway.

Post # 62
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We told family as soon as we found out that I’m pregnant.  Close friends were told a few weeks later, since I figured I would need their support if I miscarried.  The public Facebook announcement was not made until I was past the 1st trimester.  

I told my bosses right away because I’m a vet tech, and there are parts of my job I shouldn’t be doing while pregnant, like shooting x-rays.  

Post # 63
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

acw2016:  I don’t think I could honestly keep it a secret from my immediate friends and family. I would wait to tell as many people in person as possible and I’d LIKE to say I’d wait to announce to family and friends until after the first ultrasound (just so I have something to show them), but who knows. I don’t see any problem confiding in those closest to you sooner than later. If it were me and I were to miscarry, I would want my friends and family to know so that they can understand my grief a little better. As for public announcements on social media like Facebook, I would probably wait until I knew the sex or was farther along. That’s if I even wanted to make a public announcement. A friend of mine never publicly came out and said she was pregnant and just posted a casual photo of her and her boyfriend at a baseball game with her big ole preggo belly.

Post # 64
Member
9673 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We told my parents at 8 weeks because we see them every week and it was pretty obvious when I stopped drinking. His parents we waited until 12 weeks after the NT scan and we knew the gender from the DNA test. We never announced on FB.

I had an early miscarriage previously and I only told my mom. Darling Husband later told his dad and sister and frankly it pissed me off, but I didn’t get angry with him because it was his loss too. His mom would have been all weepy and woe is me so she has never been told.

Post # 65
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

acw2016:  It’s “okay” when you decide it’s okay. 12 weeks is right for some, 12 days is right for others…

Post # 66
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

I had a miscarriage with my first baby. I told everyone as soon as i found out i was pregnant. It broke my heart having to tell everyone what happened. I didn’t really WANT anyone to “be there for me”. It just hurt too bad to even talk about it. So when I finally got pregnant with my son I didn’t even tell our parents until after 2 ultrasounds (8 weeks). I didn’t tell any friends until after 13 weeks.  If I have any more children I will do the same.  

Post # 67
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

I will tell my mom right when i find out. Probably wait to see her in person but we talk 1-2 times per day so it would be so hard to keep that secret for 2 months after finding out! We would also probably tell dh grandma(we are verryy close) and possibly his mom. 

I dont know how people keep such a secret for 12weeks! I know its really only 8 by the time you are finding out but it seems impossible!! Lol

Post # 68
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My doctors detected my missed miscarrage last week and I am now recovering from a D&C. 

The next time I get pregnant, if it happens, I will approach the announcements the same way I did this time. I told my parents, his parents and brothers and close friends within a couple of weeks of the positive blood test. I can’t hide that from my parents and I’m really close to my in-laws. My Mother-In-Law started telling people even though I specifically told her not to but I figure, that’s her problem, not mine.

I told some of my husband’s friends because we spent a few days with them during the holidays and it would’ve been way too obvious.

I returned to work a couple of days ago and I looked like crap, everyone in my office said hi but didn’t say much else. My co-worker later explained that it was because it was obvious that I was not OK. No one pressured me to tell them what happened but I broke down in front of another co-worker who took me aside, hugged me and asked if I wanted to talk about it. I told her about the miscarriage and she was so suppportive and told me about her struggles to keep pregnancies. I forgot to tell her to keep it between us and she told another co-worker but in the end, it didn’t bother me whatsoever. There was an outpouring of sympathy from other female team members. I told my other officemates who are all also women and their reaction was the same. They even gave me a card with little messages of support and no clumsy comments. I’m really lucky to have wonderful teammates. 

In short, I’ll wait until I hear a heart beat to start telling extended friends and family. I don’t regret telling my family and close friends because of the support they provided in the good and bad moments.

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  .
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Post # 69
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i had a chemical pregnancy at 4 weeks and I hadn’t told anyone I was pregnant but the experience has definitely confirmed my intention to wait for the “safe period” if I do conceive again 

Post # 70
Member
4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I waited until I was around 10 weeks to start telling close family and friends. After dealing with early miscarriages and a year of actively TTC, I wanted to be fairly sure that everything was going well before I started getting others hopes up. I told my boss after my first ultrasound, coworkers when I started showing, and didn’t do a FB announcement until 20 weeks.

It’s different for everybody, but keep in mind how you would feel having to tell people if you miscarried. 

Post # 71
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s so hard to wait! I’m 6 weeks and while we’ve agreed to ONLY telling our parents and Grandparents now, I’ve already slipped and told a few people I’m close with at work and we’ve had some friends find out. I also have a feeling once we tell my in-laws, the whole family will know by the next day.

This is my first and I am terrified that something will happen and we’ll have to make all these people grieve with us, but ultimately even though the chance of mc drops at 12 weeks, anything could happen at any stage and we don’t want to spend every day worrying so we’re just going to let it comes out as it comes out (although def not going work or FB official until 12+ weeks).

Post # 72
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

We decided to tell our parents and my best friend when we found out. I wanted to tell my sister after our first scan, and the rest of the people we know after 12 weeks if and when we see them.

I found out last week at our first scan that I miscarried at 11 weeks. Obviously I was devastated, but I felt comfortable with the amount of people that knew (our parents and my best friend). My parents notified me  the same day that my sister is 6 weeks pregnant.  They decided to tell her about my miscarriage before things get really awkward – she was planning on telling me the next day. 

It is such a personal decision. I would have hated to ‘untell’ people, but at the same time I don’t think I would’ve coped if I didn’t have someone besides my Darling Husband to talk to

Post # 73
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would tell parents right away, then everyone else after my first trimester was over and I was going into my second. This way your parents can emotionally support you if anything happens to the pregnancy (knock on wood) and no one else would have to know. My sister just did this over the past 2 days. She told our parents a few months ago and now that her safe period is over, she told me and our brothers and everyone else. I think it’s better this way because then there’s not as much pressure.

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